Pirates (Video 2005)

Swash and unbuckle. In 1763, the Caribbean is awash in pirates. The worst is Stagnetti, backed by his bloodthirsty first mate, Serena. He wants the Scepter of Inca, which gives its owner ... See full summary »

Director:

Joone

Writers:

Joone (screen story), Max Massimo (screenplay)

Stars:

Jesse Jane, Carmen Luvana, Janine Lindemulder

13 wins & 10 nominations.

Cast

Cast overview, first billed only:
Jesse Jane	...	Jules Steel
Carmen Luvana	...	Isabella Valenzuela
Janine Lindemulder	...	Serena (as Janine)
Devon	...	Madelyn
Teagan Presley	...	Christina (as Teagan)
Evan Stone	...	Capt. Edward Reynolds
Tommy Gunn	...	Capt. Victor Stagnetti
Kris Slater	...	Manuel Valenzuela
Austyn Moore	...	Angelina
Jenaveve Jolie	...	Pirate Dancer
Steven St. Croix	...	Marco
Nhan	...	Wu Chow
Frank Bukkwyd	...	Oxford
Brian Surewood	...	Gino
Harry Bali	...	Priest

Storyline

Swash and unbuckle. In 1763, the Caribbean is awash in pirates. The worst is Stagnetti, backed by his bloodthirsty first mate, Serena. He wants the Scepter of Inca, which gives its owner great powers. To remove it from remote Calaveras Island, he needs the Dagger of Ataljuapa as well as the aid of a descendant of the family to whom the Scepter was entrusted. So, he kidnaps Manuel Valenzuela, honeymooning with the lovely Isabella. On Stagnetti's trail are pirate hunters, Captain Edward Reynolds and Jules, his commander. Edward's a bit clueless, but he does rescue Isabella. Once Stagnetti has the Dagger, the stage is set for the clash of good and evil.

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Plot Keywords:

pirate | female nudity | fondling | male rear nudity | hardcore | 

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Genres:

Adult | Adventure | Comedy | Fantasy

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Motion Picture Rating (MPAA)

Rated R for strong sexual content, nudity and language

Details

Official Sites:

Official site

Country:

USA

Language:

English

Release Date:

26 September 2005 (USA)

Also Known As:

Pirates XXX

Filming Locations:

California, USA

Box Office

Budget:

$1,000,000 (estimated)

Company Credits

Production Co:

Digital Playground

Technical Specs

Runtime:

129 min 80 min (R Rated)

Sound Mix:

Dolby Digital

Color:

Color

Aspect Ratio:

1.78 : 1

Did You Know?

Trivia

Some scenes were filmed aboard the HMS Bounty, at The Pier in St. Petersburg, Florida. The city of St. Petersburg, which owns The Pier, did not realize that the film was porn; the producers represented the film as a PG-13-level comedy for television.

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Quotes

Wu Chow: It not my fault, I need more potassium!

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Connections

References Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)

User Reviews

Porn, Film and Kidnapping

I love film, I really do. It fascinates me to see, literally see what works.

Porn baffles me, because it is so popular. Oh, there's porn films from the 70s that really impress, some of them. And you'll often stumble across really intelligent films made by folks with clever ideas that could only get funded if there is panting and jizz in them.

But the modern stuff is just plain boring, visually and every other way. The only porn film I've seen in the modern era that impressed me was "Fashionistas" and that really did. It was actually a movie (a good one) and porn (S&M) where the two blended well. So I anticipated this with some rather high expectations.

And I was partly rewarded. The writing is very clever, with some great lines. One actor alone in this (Evan Stone) is good, but he is very good, on the level of the pros in theater films. With a little bit of attention, this could have been a good movie and maybe even a hit.

The blonds (all blonds!) all looked and acted the same, having gotten their boobs at the same store. Ho hum. Seen one saucersized aureole, you seen em all.

But here's the thing. Porn movies like this follow the model of movie musicals (based on stage musicals). That's where the story chugs along until hitting a tripwire. Then reality shifts and you enter a song, which may have some relationship to the story or not. But the main point is reality shifts. Then it shifts back and the people on the street stop being a chorus and again become passers by.

Same with porn like this. The story chugs along until it is time for sex. But this isn't sex between people. It isn't real sex at all, instead a sort of performance, a display put on for the audience like a song. The same sorts of limits apply, even the same time periods. There's a standard vocabulary: this and then this and then that. Only in this case, the sex has nothing much to do with the story; the story is presumably something to entertain you in between titillations.

Oh well. Give Even his due. He acts, and it even carries over to what he does with his member. I wish him well.

Ted's Evaluation -- 1 of 3: You can find something better to do with this part of your life.