Wristcutters: A Love Story (2006)
Kneller: Once upon a time there was a crooked tree and a straight tree. And they grew next to each other. And every day the straight tree would look at the crooked tree and he would say, "You're crooked. You've always been crooked and you'll continue to be crooked. But look at me! Look at me!" said the straight tree. He said, "I'm tall and I'm straight." And then one day the lumberjacks came into the forest and looked around, and the manager in charge said, "Cut all the straight trees." And that crooked tree is still there to this day, growing strong and growing strange.
Zia: They went to the North Pole or whatever the place Nanuk is from is called. He wanted to meet her family and get into that throat singing, saw playing, weird instruments, and all that stuff. It's good that he's back into music, I think. And me? I think I finally understand what Kneller was trying to say.It only happens if it doesn't matter. It comes without effort. Maybe Eugene's right. Maybe I only get stuck on girls I don't have a chance of being with. I am glad for Mikal, though. I hope she got her visa all straightened out. I mean, she did say she'd be right back. Then again, Eugene's old wisdom is when a girl says that, she never does actually come back.
Eugene: I'm not sitting in the back.
Zia: Why not?
Eugene: 'Cause everybody knows guy in the back seat doesn't have a cock.
Eugene: That's a fact. If the guy in the backseat had a cock, he wouldn't be back there in the first place.
Zia: Well, I... I mean, I got a cock man. So, how can... I'm not... Mik, do you have a cock?
Mikal: Yeah, I have a cock.
Mikal: Big fat one.
[cut to the shot in which Eugene is sitting in between Zia and Mikal in front]
Zia: I think she cried at my funeral, I don't mean to brag about it or anything, but I'm pretty sure she did. Sometimes I can picture her talking to some guy she feels really close to, about how they lowered me into the grave all pathetic and shriveled up like a melted chocolate bar, and how we never actually got a chance. Then the guy fucks her real nice, fuck it's all about making her feel better.
Zia: Being here with you reminds me of what I was like before my suicide.
Mikal: What were you like?
Zia: I was happy...
Eugene: Cute? That's what they say about the puppy. The only thing worse is good friend, or nice person. In plain English it means I'll leech off you as long as I can, but don't even think about getting into my pants.
Mikal: Are you joking? Do you guys like it here? Who the hell likes being stuck in a place where you can't even smile? It's hot as balls, everybody's an asshole. I just wanna go home.
Eugene: Let me put this way. Since you got here, how many times did you get laid, man?
Eugene: Just a question.
Zia: Actually laid?
Zia: None, I think.
Eugene: You think?
Zia: None! But what's that got to do with any of this?
Eugene: Plenty. 'Cause your sperm count is so high, you think you're having an out of body experience like nobody in the fucking universe, man.
Zia: Listen, you know what? Forget Desiree. I got another reason for you to go.
Eugene: Give it shot.
Zia: You got anything better to do?
Zia: [thinking] Who could think of a better punishment really? Everything's the same here, it's just a little worse.
Zia: I'm not going out tonight. It just makes me depressed.
Eugene: So, what you gonna do? Kill yourself?
Zia: [to Kneller] His headlights were broken for ages, and she fixed them just by touching a button.
Zia: [narrating] I've thought about suicide again, but I haven't tried it. I didn't want to end up in a bigger shit hole than this one.
[Kid Kostya is going to hang himself]
Eugene: Step down from the table.
Kid Kostya: No. First tell me.
Eugene: Step down from the table and I'll tell you.
[Kostya removes the rope from his neck and steps down from the table]
Eugene: [Eugene slaps him hard, so he falls on the floor]
Eugene: [about Desiree] Wherever she is, I bet she found someone by now. Probably some black guy who hanged himself by his dick.
Eugene: I live with my patents and my kid brother Kostya.
Zia: You're fucking with me.
Eugene: I'm not fucking with you.
Zia: I've never heard of a whole family here before.
Eugene: Mom... offed because she was missing Russia a lot. And my father, he just didn't feel like going on without her. But, what really did it for him was my little brother turning out to be gay.
Zia: And your kid brother?
Zia: Kost... ya.
Eugene: I guess, he had it in his genes, man.