Comedy Central Roast of Pamela Anderson (2005 TV Special)
Jeffrey Ross: Anna Nicole's in the audience tonight, she's behaving herself...
[Anna sticks her middle finger up]
Jeffrey Ross: Oh! There we go! The funny thing about that is... Next year, we can Roast Anna Nicole and do the same jokes, only adding fat ones.
Sarah Silverman: People say "Pamela Anderson's nothing without her tits!" And that's not true! That is *not* true!... She'd be Paris Hilton.
Lisa Lampanelli: Look at this dais! We have a drag queen, a drug addict and a pervert. And I'm only talking about Andy Dick!
Greg Giraldo: Courtney, what the hell happened to you? You were in a great band, you were a terrific singer and then your career dried up faster than Sarah Silverman's pussy around guys who can't help her in the business!
Sarah Silverman: I happen to know Andy Dick is not gay; he just asked out Katie Holmes.
Jeffrey Ross: I wouldn't fuck Bea Arthur's dick with Andy Dick's pussy.
Lisa Lampanelli: [to Eddie Griffin] I don't know much about you Eddie, but I do know I love your brothers, Damon and Marlon!
Nick DiPaolo: [to Pamela Anderson] As an actor, you have the emotional range of Terri Schiavo.
Lisa Lampanelli: A horse shitting on a parade route has a bigger following than Jimmy Kimmel.
Greg Giraldo: You starring in a show about books and reading is like Tom Cruise starring in a show about vaginas!
Jeffrey Ross: How is it possible that Courtney Love looks worse than Kurt Cobain?
Courtney Love: Pamela and I are so opposite with drugs - I have to PAY for mine.
Lisa Lampanelli: Hitler got more laughs than Jimmy Kimmel and he did it without Jewish writers! Tom Cruise watched it and went on anti-depressants!