2.7/10
222
2 user 3 critic

Bald (2008)

R | | Comedy
This movie takes bad behavior to a whole new level

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Cast

Cast overview, first billed only:
...
Max Bishop
...
Andrew Wood
...
Caroline Goldman
Kyle Sabihy ...
Orville Beese
...
The B
...
Mrs. Elise Stern
Matt Crabtree ...
Devon Bradley
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Mr. Alan Stern
...
Huge Eleanor
...
Mr. Herman
...
Heather
...
Huge Bruce
...
Shirtless Cynthia
...
Professor Justice
...
Joey Powers / Ex-Wrestler
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Storyline

This movie takes bad behavior to a whole new level

Plot Summary | Plot Synopsis

Taglines:

The only things meant to be bald are Eagles and Beaver!!! See more »

Genres:

Comedy

Motion Picture Rating (MPAA)

Rated R for strong crude and sexual content, nudity, graphic dialogue and drug use throughout

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Box Office

Budget:

$1,000,000 (estimated)
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User Reviews

 
The Worst Movie I've Ever Seen
5 March 2010 | by (United States) – See all my reviews

Finally, after years of watching hundreds of movies, I'm happy to now have one movie to point to as the worst I've ever seen. Don't get me wrong, there are movies with worse direction, production, writing, and acting, but none that tied everything up in a perfect little bow of crap.

The plot: A college student who is going prematurely bald is failing out of college, so he needs $50,000 to bribe the dean to change his grades. So his stoner buddy, who has made several videos popular around campus, starts with him on a porn website. Girls flock to them for jobs, and the site is wildly successful and they make millions. A commercial comes on TV which the parents of the girls see, and they go to campus for revenge, and receive their comeuppance.

Now just a few things about this so-called "film":

-The main character is obsessed with his receeding hairline, which everyone laughs at, but never once does it cross his mind to put a hat on. -The movie's got all of the token characters (token Black guy, token gay guy, token chubby guy looking to belong, etc.) but gives none of them anything funny to say or do. -How exactly would he know the dean will fix his grades for 50 grand? Why wouldn't he just bribe the professor of the class he's failing (which I assume would cost him a lot less)? -The stoner buddy is famous for his wildly popular videos, yet we never see footage from any of them, and don't even have any idea why people like them. -The main character has an internal monologue occasionally, which plays out on screen so you have two characters just staring at each other for about half a minute while he spits out some unfunny garbage in his head. -The stoner buddy says with confidence that he's found that guys will pay $2,500 on the Internet to watch a naked girl. Yeah. -They go through the paces of the pedestrian plot at breakneck speed, probably because they have no original thoughts or funny ideas you have to slow down for. This results in the whole "parents show up for revenge" story to play out over a half hour, when really it should've taken 5 minutes.

It's a dumb college T&A comedy which isn't even dumb enough, nor does it have enough T&A to even be watchable. I never thought I'd see the movie that makes Bikini Carwash Company look like Citizen Kane.


5 of 6 people found this review helpful.  Was this review helpful to you?

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