The Smurfs (2011)
Gargamel: [Waking up from Azrael licking his face] Smurfs... Smurfs...
Gargamel: I wish I could quit you. Get out of here.
[Notices the fourth wall]
Gargamel: What are you looking at?
Jokey: What do you get when you cross a Smurf with a cow? Blue cheese!
Smurfette: [shocked at seeing a stall of stuffed horses] OH! So that's where all the unicorns went...
Smurfette: [takes on Azrael] You smurfed with the wrong girl!
Gargamel: I am not obsessed with Smurfs, thank you. I simply can't stop thinking about the miserable beasts every single minute of every single day!...
[Azrael makes a sound]
Gargamel: . Because I need them! It's only by capturing the little retches and extracting their happy blue essence that my magic will finally become... not infallible...
Gargamel: INVINCIBLE, yes, thank you! I shall become the most powerful wizard in all of the world!
[Gargamel and Azreal cackle]
Gargamel: Yeah, but you're milking it, don't milk it.
Gargamel: [playing with puppets] La la lala lala, sing a happy song! La la lala lala, this is so wrong! "Oh, I'm Papa Smurf. I'm the head of a small group of blue people, and live in the forest with 99 sons and one daughter! Nothing weird about that, no no, totally normal!" "And I'm Smurfette! And I think I'm so pretty! And I betrayed Gargamel, and I don't even care! And everything is just sunshine and rainbows!"... But all of that is about to change!
[Azrael bathes himself]
Gargamel: Ahem. I said, "But all of that is about to change!" Azreal, that's your cue!
Brainy: Well, at least they're not coming after us...
[Azreal falls through the portal into a pond, the Smurfs scarper]
Gargamel: Azreal? Are you dead?
[Gargamel looks for a laboratory in New York City]
Gargamel: [climbs into a port-a-potty] Oh. Yes. It's a bit small, but it should do nicely! Oh, it's even got its own cauldron.
[tries some magic, and screams... ]
Gargamel: What died in here? OPEN! OPEN! OPEN! OPEN! OPEN! OPPEEENNNN!
[finally falls out]
Gargamel: Somebody's been working a dark and terrible magic in there.
[seeing New York City for the first time]
Smurfette: Oh... my... Smurf.
Papa: I'm 546 years old... I'm getting too old for this.
Grouchy: [about to leave New York] I hated it... so much less than I expected.
Patrick Winslow: Bye, Grouchy.
Grouchy: Don't get me wrong, I still hate it here!
Papa: Well, Master Winslow, thank you. You saved my whole family.
Patrick Winslow: Actually, I think it was the other way around.
Papa: Well, I should get going. I've got a Smurf village to rebuild. Your village has given me some ideas...
[Patrick and Papa Smurf hug]
Patrick Winslow: Goodbye, Papa.
Papa: Goodbye... papa.
Patrick Winslow: SMURF, SMURF, SMURFETY, SMURF!
[all the Smurfs are shocked]
Gutsy: There is no call for that sort of language, laddie!
Narrator Smurf: There is a place. A place that knows no sadness, where even feeling blue is a happy thing. A place inhabited by little blue beings three apples high. It lies deep within an enchanted forest, hidden away beyond the medieval village. Most people believe this place is made up, only to be found in books or children's imagination. Well, we beg to differ.
Gargamel: Must... have... SMURFS!
[jumps through the portal]
Clumsy: Just because your name IS Grouchy, doesn't mean you always have to BE grouchy.
Grouchy: Yeah. It does.
Gargamel: [Odile is giving a demonstration of her anti-aging cream] I see no transformation. Your potion has no power. She's still an eye-offending dogfish if you ask me.
Odile: This is my mother who you speaking of!
Gargamel: I'm so sorry, I didn't realize. How sad for you in thirty years.
Smurfette: [to Grace] I never had a girlfriend before. I'll never forget you.
Gutsy: I'll not soon forget this place. Especially not with these!
[shows he has "I love NY" sequined on his backside]
Narrator Smurf: And so the Smurfs left this great city of New York. And I think they left it a little sweeter, a little wiser, a little smurfier. And as that portal began to close for the last time...
Grouchy: Hey! Seriously, stop!
[pulls Narrator Smurf through the portal]
Narrator Smurf: BYE!
Gargamel: [escaping prison in a cloud of flies] So long, scallywags!
Gargamel: Oh, Azrael, we've come so far, yet I am haunted by the same familiar problem: how to find the Smurfs. If only I had a...
[Azrael hacks and coughs]
Gargamel: I'm sorry, is my thinking interrupting your vile habit? If only I had something of theirs: a drop of spittle, a fingernail, some hair even, then I could use my magic to hunt them down!
[Azrael coughs out a hairball]
Gargamel: Very nice. Are you done now?
[points at the hairball]
Gargamel: I don't want to look at it! What? YUCK! WHAT?... Is that...? No. No, it can't be... it is! The tiny locks of Smurfette! Oh, sweet follicular ambrosia! Oh, sweet strands of joy... mixed with a fair amount of cat vomit.
[holds up the hair]
[Gargamel gets hit by a bus]
Azrael: Are you dead?
Papa: I'm sorry, Master Winslow, but we badly need to borrow your stargazer.
Patrick Winslow: I don't have a stargazer, okay? It's not something people of this century just have, especially here.
Grouchy: Not happy.
Patrick Winslow: Now if you excuse me, I have to work.
Papa: Well, perhaps we can sing to help things along. And then we'll get the stargazer. Come along, Smurfs.
[La la la la la la Sing, a happy song La la la la la la Smurf the whole day long]
Patrick Winslow: Stop. Stop! Come on. None of you find that song just the tiniest bit annoying?
Grouchy: I find it annoying.
Papa: Well, what do you sing at work?
Patrick Winslow: I don't sing at work.
Smurfette: [gasps] What?
Gutsy: And you have to wear a leash. Harsh.
Smurfette: I know. How about if we hum?
[they begin humming the song]
Patrick Winslow: Please stop humming.
Grace Winslow: [as she uses her purse to hit Azrael on the side] You bad kitty!