Penelope: Helaborasoreantalis. They're amazing; they bloom even in the winter.
Annie: That's cool.
Penelope: They just pop up without any help from anyone.
Annie: [laughs] Kind of like my ex-boyfriend, if you know what I mean.
Annie: So what are you hiding from the law or is it just a bad nose job?
Penelope: Mhm, bad nose job.
Jessica Wilhern: What? I'm being her mother! That's what mothers do with daughters; they talk about how to look prettier.
Max: Good God, he licked me.
Edward Vanderman Jr.: What?
Lemon: Don't lick Max.
Edward Vanderman Jr.: Try to remember - I'm your son.
Mr. Vanderman: That's exactly what I'm trying to forget!
Duty Cop: Detailed description?
Jessica Wilhern: Brown hair. Brown eyes.
Jessica Wilhern: A unique... ly pleasant personality.
Franklin Wilhern: Think pig.
Duty Cop: So she's a fat girl?
Max: Y'know you inspired me, doing what you did, going off on your own like that.
Penelope: [telling her class her story] And we lived happily ever after - well, happily ever after so far at least.
Child #1: I don't get it. What does it mean?
Penelope: Well, you tell me what you think it means.
Child #2: Rich people stink!
Child #3: It's always the mothers fault.
Child #4: It's not the power of the curse - it's the power you give the curse.
Max: All Halloween I've been running into someone I used to know.
Penelope: [wearing a pig mask] This someone - she meant a lot to you?
Max: Yes, yes she did.
Penelope: What happened?
Max: I couldn't give her what she wanted.
Penelope: What did she want?
Max: To be free.
Journalist #1: Do you have any other pig parts?
Journalist #2: With such a large nose, do you smell better than the rest of us?
Penelope: [laughs] You tell me.
Wanda: Wait! He's still a blue-blood! He can break the curse.
Penelope: Max, I know this face repulses you... And I wouldn't, I wouldn't dream of asking you to accept it.
Max: No... No... No...
Penelope: But this isn't me, the real me is inside here somewhere just waiting to get out and you can make that happen and once the curse is broken I'll be just like anybody else.
Max: What if the curse doesn't get broken? What if the curse can never be broken?
Penelope: Then I'll kill myself. I promise, I promise I will.
Penelope: Marry me, Max. Marry me.
Max: I can't.
Penelope: Get out.
Wanda: Get out. Get out.
Penelope: My parents were born into the good life. Old money, blue blooded, society sweethearts.
Penelope: [talking to her class] Ok, after break, we'll go explore and see what you can collect. Stay together!
Penelope: There are three hundred and twenty-six first editions in that room. Of those, three hundred are worth over fifty thousand, a dozen or so are worth over twenty-five thousand and I'm afraid there's only one that's valued under a hundred.
Max: Only one, huh?
Penelope: A little novel, written by a little nobody that never amounted to anything.
Max: You don't say, under a hundred?
Penelope: I'm afraid so, and I'm afraid that means that it's time for
Max: But your favorite just the same.
Jessica Wilhern: Honey, just think about what you're doing. This is the moment we have worked so hard for.
Penelope: I said go away!
Jessica Wilhern: Sweetheart, please! Please, we are one yes away from a whole new life, a whole new you!
Penelope: But I don't want a whole new me, mother!
Jessica Wilhern: Sweetheart please, please.
Penelope: I like myself the way I am!
[Annie laughs as Penelope puts a pig mask on]
Annie: Nothing. It's just nice to see the old you again.
Penelope: Used to? You don't do that anymore? What are you doing instead?
Max: [after a pause] Beating you at chess.
Penelope: I warned you I'd kill her.
Max: Well that's great, because, you know what? As soon as my guys hear what you've done...
Penelope: The game will be over, your Queen'll be dead.
Max: My King's still pretty... active. You know?
Penelope: Once the Queen is dead, the King is useless.
Max: What's that about?
Penelope: I don't know. Maybe he's too depressed to fight. He really loved her, you know.
Jessica Wilhern: Penelope, just one man, one man.
Penelope: And he'll run too! They always run. Why can't you accept that? For seven years I've been watching them run. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel? Do you?
Jessica Wilhern: I'm sorry, but we just can't quit.
Penelope: We can, because no matter how much I want to believe there's one man who won't run away, one man who... who...
Lemon: Did you have to gamble all night?
Max: Yeah... still had chips left.
Franklin Wilhern: Why can't I have bacon?
Jessica Wilhern: Because you love oatmeal.
Franklin Wilhern: No... I love bacon.
Penelope: [to Max] You lied to me! I guessed piano and you said that...
[gasps as Max whisks her around and kisses her]
Jessica Wilhern: What are they doing?
Franklin Wilhern: She's finding his instrument.
Jessica Wilhern: Isn't that something a man should do for himself?
Jessica Wilhern: [Penelope is digging into junk food] What are you doing?
Penelope: Just speeding things up.
Jessica Wilhern: Oh, so now you're just going to make a pig of yourself?
Penelope: No, that's already been done for me.
Jessica Wilhern: [Slaps food out of Penelope's hand] Stop it!
Penelope: ...That was the last of the Ho-Hos!