Bernard and Doris (2006)
Bernard Lafferty: Good evening, Miss Duke. Ma'am.
Doris Duke: Who the hell are you?
Bernard Lafferty: I'm here about the job, dear. From the agency. These are my references.
Doris Duke: Get me a sherry.
Bernard Lafferty: Yes, ma'am.
Doris Duke: What do you want from me? From me.
Bernard Lafferty: Miss Duke?
Doris Duke: What do you want? I mean, you don't fuck me, do you?
Bernard Lafferty: No, I don't.
Doris Duke: You don't steal from me. Do you steal from me?
Bernard Lafferty: No, I don't.
Doris Duke: Well then what do you want from me?
Bernard Lafferty: I just want to take care of you.
Waldo Taft: President Bush wants to honor you at his next fundraiser. I think you should consider it.
Doris Duke: Oh, that's sweet. Just tell him my dance card is full, thanks.
Doris Duke: I assume you have credentials. Elizabeth Taylor, Peggy Lee. What? Do you have a thing for entertainers, Mr. Rafferty?
Bernard Lafferty: Lafferty. I beg your pardon, Miss Duke. It's Lafferty with an L.
Doris Duke: It says you haven't worked for six months.
Bernard Lafferty: I had a, a wee health problem.
Doris Duke: Drugs or alcohol?
Bernard Lafferty: Erm...
Doris Duke: I assume it's under control.
Bernard Lafferty: I assure you it's all in the past now.
Doris Duke: Right.
Doris Duke: [on the intercom] Come on, baby. Get back here. Ben, where are you? I'm missing you.
Ben: [to Bernard] Good evening, Sir.
Doris Duke: [to Bernard] She's one of those Nurse Ratched types, you know. The Nazis in the white sneakers.
Doris Duke: Lafferty, your outfit. Well you look like a God damn undertaker. I mean, do you think you can lighten up a little bit.
Bernard Lafferty: Of course. I could do that.
Doris Duke: How do you like living in my world so far, Bernard?
Bernard Lafferty: I like it very much.
Doris Duke: Who wouldn't?
Doris Duke: [singing] I don't need a million dollars to make my dreams come true, / Baby, all I need is you. / I don't need a fortune teller to tell my troubles to,
Doris Duke: [singing] I'm right at the gates of heaven and I can pass right through.
Bernard Lafferty: Brava!
Patrolman: Who's your friend?
Doris Duke: Oh, that's the Sultan of Brunei.
Patrolman: Welcome to New Jersey.
Bernard Lafferty: Thanks.
Waldo Taft: [about Bernard] He's a bad influence, Doris.
Doris Duke: I like him.
Waldo Taft: Doris, I've seen you figure people out in ten seconds. You are a brilliant judge of character. Why can't you see this guy is up to something?
Waldo Taft: [to Bernard] Miss Duke hired you to be her butler, not her drinking buddy.
Bernard Lafferty: Welcome home, Miss Duke.
Doris Duke: Thank you, Lafferty. I am so glad to be back. Oh, my goodness, look at you. Look at your hair.
Doris Duke: Look, your present. Voila. For you.
Bernard Lafferty: What?
Doris Duke: Here.
Bernard Lafferty: That's for me?
Doris Duke: That's for you. Try it on.
Bernard Lafferty: No, it isn't.
Doris Duke: Come on. Don't be simple. Put your arm in.
Bernard Lafferty: It's a caftan, isn't it?
Doris Duke: Yes, it is. An antique caftan. Oh, it's perfect. How brilliant am I? That's gorgeous. Perfect.
Bernard Lafferty: Oh, thank you. It's just beautiful. It's hand embroided isn't it?
Doris Duke: It certainly is.
Bernard Lafferty: I can't believe it. It's the most beautiful present I ever had.
Doris Duke: Uh-huh.
Bernard Lafferty: It is. I feel like, I feel like Lawrence of Arabia.
Waldo Taft: For all I knew you might have been locked in the attic like Baby Jane.
Doris Duke: That's Blanche. Baby Jane had the keys.