9 September 2005
Peckham resident and used car dealer Boycie is horrified to learn that the dreaded Driscoll brothers, local villains against whom he gave evidence, have been acquitted and are displeased with him. In a day he sells up and flees with bewildered wife Marlene and teen-age son Tyler to rural Shropshire,where he has purchased the run-down Winterdown Farm,along with its odd farm manager Elgin Sparrowhawk.
16 September 2005
Whilst Tyler bemoans the fact that there is nowhere for him to ride his skateboard Elgin introduces farmhands Jed and Bryan, neither of whom are very bright, and Mrs. Cakeworthy, the cleaning lady who does no cleaning but sits around drinking tea with Marlene instead. Marlene reminds Boycie that if he is to become a gentleman farmer he needs livestock and Elgin tells him where he can get a prize bull, Rocky, from another farmer who is strapped for cash and likes a drink. Unfortunately Boycie's efforts to get him drunk backfire and he ends up paying more than he should for Rocky, who turns out to be gay. Seems the prizes were down to artificial insemination.
23 September 2005
Marlene decides she wants to cook some traditional country recipes,even though she is not noted for her culinary skills. She sends Boycie to pick berries but unfortunately he runs into Llewellyn, the crazy Welsh farmer from next door who points a gun at him. Later, when Rocky strays onto Llewellyn's land Llewellyn takes him hostage and Boycie must pay to get him back.
Season 1, Episode 4: Hay Fever30 September 2005
Despite Rocky being gay, it seems only natural that the farm should have some cows and Marlene thinks that six would be a nice number. Unfortunately, as a result of Boycie tipping Elgin the wink three hundred are delivered instead. The Boyces think Tyler should go to a local private school to get him out of the house.
7 October 2005
Tyler thinks he has got out of school because his exam results are so bad and has to take re-sits. He ends up at the local school where he falls in love whilst Marlene is having trouble sleeping so, when Jed is going to the city, Boycie asks him to record some urban sounds to help her get to sleep.
14 October 2005
Tyler has fallen for teacher Rhian and buys her make-up,causing his parents to initially query his sexuality.Boycie goes to see her to sort matters out but she explains she has no sexual interest in Tyler as she prefers older men. His hopes are raised but dashed when her father comes in -mad neighbour Llewellyn. The staff concoct a love potion to make Rocky more virile and Marlene slips some in Boycie's tea. Unfortunately it turns out to be a different potion - one to increase the cows' udder size.
25 December 2005
At an agricultural ball where he has gone to advance himself Boycie meets Rupert and Jonty,who own a polo club,and entice him to invest with them for the social kudos - and a possible knighthood. The plan is to spend Christmas in Switzerland with them but due to heavy snow at the airport the Boyces are forced to spend Christmas at home. On television they see a police information show revealing Jonty and Rupert to be con-men. Furthermore the Driscoll brothers,having read in a society magazine that Boycie would be in Switzerland for the holiday season, followed them out there and had a wasted journey.
15 September 2006
Sneaky Llewellyn rats on Boycie for using artificial fertilizer on his supposedly organically grown crops and an E.U. farming inspector calls. Boycie manages to cheat him but at a price - he has been so concerned he has lost sleep and,thanks to a home-made sleeping potion, he loses his hair as well.
22 September 2006
Whilst Tyler suffers on the rugby field trying to impress new girlfriend Beth, daughter of the pub landlord, his parents decide he needs extra tuition with his school work and engage Simon, a home tutor who falls for Marlene. When Boycie interrupts them kissing he mistakes it for an epileptic fit and when he tries to give Simon mouth-to-mouth resuscitation it's Boycie who now has an admirer.
29 September 2006
Tired of her laziness, Boycie sacks Mrs. Cakeworthy, despite warnings from the lads that she is a witch and will put a curse on him. Sure enough a ram's head is nailed to the door and a voodoo doll appears, causing Boycie to have a nightmare and eventually reinstate her. Little does he know that this charade was Marlene's doing as she missed having someone to talk to.
6 October 2006
Tyler has become a vegetarian like girlfriend Beth and they are off to protest about animal rights. Marlene agrees with their views and decides that the birds in the fields should not be shot but dealt with humanely. Thus Elgin makes a scarecrow but Beth sees it lying around and mistakes it for a corpse, calling the police. Beth is annoyed to see Tyler eat a hamburger and even more shocked to catch Boycie in the nude when Marlene,who has decided to open a beauty salon on the farm, is giving him a massage.
13 October 2006
Marlene and Mrs. Cakeworthy are intrigued to hear that Laurence, a French exchange student, is coming to the farm and expect it to be a handsome young boy. In fact she is a pretty girl, which is all too much for Marlene. Tyler proposes to Beth and gives her a ring but it's a tatty old thing that Marlene got in the sixties and Beth is not at all pleased.
20 October 2006
Whilst Boycie's farm is doing unusually well, Llewellyn is strapped for cash and challenges his neighbour to a pub quiz with a high stakes cash prize. Needless to say Marlene and the staff are a rubbish team against Llewellyn's team of teachers. But then Tyler turns up, looking for revenge after Llewellyn's little stunt teaching him to be pro-Welsh and puts his dad's side back in the running and coasting for victory.
27 October 2006
Boycie is less than overjoyed to learn that Marlene's sister Petunia - or Pertunia, as he pronounces it - is coming for a visit not just because they don't like each other, she feeling that Marlene married beneath herself, but because he also fears that the Driscoll brothers may have followed her from Peckham. He even insists she is blindfold coming from the station to the farm so she will not know the route. His fears are not unfounded after he finds Bryan, who has taken a fancy to her, and the other farm staff tied up in the barn. The Driscolls have arrived, but are prepared to let Boycie live in exchange for their burying 'something' on his farm.
25 December 2006
When Boycie's dog gets Llewellyn's bitch pregnant, Mrs. Cakeworthy misunderstands the Welshman's rantings and assumes that Tyler has got Beth pregnant. Due to a further misunderstanding Tyler assumes that Mrs. Cakeworthy is pregnant,which results in both Beth's father and Mr. Cakeworthy getting riled and Boycie getting punched. Tyler does give Beth a horse for Christmas but Boycie falls victim to a scam by his workers to scare off Old Bones, a supposed evil spirit.
2 November 2007
After admiring the portraits of former occupants of a stately home he has visited with Marlene, Boycie declares a desire to have his own likeness in oils. Elgin is kicked out by his wife and moves in with Bryan in his caravan, but when the caravan burns down Marlene lets them stay in the house. Boycie is not happy, but, to show their gratitude, his staff arrange for him to have his portrait painted by renowned local artist Genevieve Klunge - renowned for her paintings of cows.
9 November 2007
After a long engagement to Myrtle which is going nowhere and being teased about being gay for living with Elgin,Bryan takes to writing poetry to express his feelings and Mrs. Cakeworthy tries online dating on his behalf - surely 'Steamy Stella' will give the lad what he wants. Meanwhile a reluctant Boycie and Tyler accompany Marlene to Bournemouth to visit her mother - who can't stand Boycie,though the feeling is mutual - and does her best to get rid of him.
23 November 2007
Earl, the Boyces' dog ,goes missing and Tyler and Beth go into the woods to try and find him. When they fail to return a tense Marlene sends Boycie to look for them but, thanks to the imbecilic ways of his search party,i.e. the farm hands, they get lost in the supposedly haunted woods and, whilst Beth and Tyler make it home with Earl,they have to sleep in the open air overnight.
30 November 2007
Following their A-level results Beth and Tyler hear about university acceptance. Beth has been accepted by every one she applied for, Tyler has been turned down by all of his, plus some he didn't apply for. He needs motivation,which the staff are only too happy to give him. He needs a university place as well, which where Boycie decides to call in a favour.
7 December 2007
Boycie is sceptical when his farm-hands suddenly start to compete with each other in increasingly ridiculous agricultural stunts in order to take part in the television reality show 'Farm Idol'. However, having seen the glamorous producer Antonia, he is anxious to compete for the crown and joins his staff at the television studio in Shrewsbury. Marlene,however, makes plans of her own including her playing hostess to a handsome young man - which inevitably gives Mrs. Cakeworthy the wrong idea and Boycie the hump.
14 December 2007
When Tyler is temporarily suspended from his course he comes home to work on his computer. This gets his father interested in the internet and he looks up his family tree on a site called Chromosome Connections but sadly Boycie discovers that all of his male ancestors died young and has him fearing for his own mortality. Hearing the staff talk about a memorial service worries him even further - even though it's for Bryan's recently deceased pet turkey Paxo. Can his mother-in-law Dora actually give him good news for once?
21 December 2007
Following his internet activities Bryan now prepares to meet his Eastern European mail order bride Katia. However, when she turns up she brings her family,who are not able to all fit into Bryan's caravan. Llewellyn comes up with the answer as his student workers have let him down and he is looking for a new workforce.
30 December 2007
After the Boyces' dog unearths an unexploded grenade on farm land other relics from World War Two are found, leading Boycie to entertain the idea of opening his own military museum. At the same time Cliff Cooper arrives from America on a nostalgic visit. In 1971,when he was an air force sergeant, he was billeted at the Boyces' home,and is happy to re-visit his old haunts. Boycie is happy to rub shoulders with the wealthy head of a cookie business and takes him to the pub,where it is revealed that in his day Cliff was one for the ladies and fathered a child locally. Could it be one of Boycie's farm hands?
8 January 2009
Marlene feels that Boycie is neglecting her and sees a marriage counsellor but this only increases her dissatisfaction and she throws her husband out. Bryan offers him a roof over his head,his caravan, but not a bed as a sick sheep is using it so Boycie has to sleep on the floor. But the Boyces cannot stay apart for long, and, after Marlene has has a girlie chat with Mrs. Cakeworthy, a reconciliation is on the cards.
Season 4, Episode 2: Home Brew15 January 2009
Searching through his loft Boycie discovers an ancient scroll giving the recipe for Ye Potato Cyder and a Royal charter giving him the rights to produce and sell it. This leads him to set up his own distillery on the farm and to buy up all the potatoes in the area. He attracts a lot of attention, though unfortunately this includes the attention of the Driscoll brothers who return to reclaim what was buried on Boycie's land and to burst his bubble.
22 January 2009
Bored with her routine Marlene takes up photography. She also gets involved in charity work through which she and Boycie meet smooth-talking Tristram. Overhearing Tristram on the phone saying that there might be a knighthood involved leads Boycie to assume the knighthood is for him and he's happy to play host until it dawns on him that Tristram swings both ways and fancies him. Marlene, meanwhile, creates a charity calendar, featuring shots of the local men in the nude along with doctored photos presenting a nude Tyler and Boycie.
29 January 2009
The Animal Freedom protesters arrive in the village - two lads who stick flyers all over the butcher's van,throw paint-bombs at Llewellyn and target the pub. Boycie organizes his staff into a vigilante group to protect his interests but for Tyler, needing money for his band Puddle of Agony and told by his father to stand on his own two feet financially, the situation provides a window of opportunity.
5 February 2009
Tyler is extremely depressed,off his food and coming out with some extremely gloomy art-work. Mrs. Cakeworthy finds out why - he has had a letter from Beth finishing with him. Man-to-man talks from Jed and Bryan fail to help him out of his situation so Marlene's mother arrives to bond with him, get drunk and restore the boy to his usual cheery - if less than cerebral - self.
12 February 2009
Boycie and Marlene travel to Tyler's university to watch his band Puddle of Agony perform its first gig. Unfortunately Tyler chose the first day of the vacation for its debut and the Boyces are virtually the only people in the audience. Back in the village the staff meet a couple who say they are psychic researchers out to find ghosts. They get an invite back to the farm where the staff hope that they can money by dressing up as ghosts and impressing the visitors. Sadly the two supposed ghost hunters are also not what they seem.
19 February 2009
Boycie decides that it is time for the world to receive his memoirs, a heart-warming story of how Aubrey Boyce, a boy from the back streets of Peckham, became a successful land-owner and gentleman farmer. He sits down to recite his memories into a tape recorder - and the result is some forty clips incorporating flashbacks to 'Only Fools and Horses' and his dealings with the Trotter brothers. He is pleased with the result. Marlene finds it hilarious.
26 February 2009
There are rooms at the farm-house full of clutter from the old squire's belongings and when 'The Antiques Road Show' is announced as coming to the area Marlene decides it's time for a clear-out and the opportunity to make some money. The staff all agree. Boycie is not convinced until he hears that the lovely Fiona Bruce will be turning up to front the show. But with so much enthusiasm and supposed antiques how come the best the household can come up with is an old commode and some stuffed hedgehogs?
5 March 2009
Marlene wants to celebrate her wedding anniversary with Boycie and hires a marquee and a band and caterers. As the guest list gets ever bigger Marlene has a terrible shock. She discovers from her solicitor in Peckham that she and Boycie were never legally married. Still with a marquee and a band and caterers and all those guests all you need is a vicar to rectify the situation.
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