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The Dark Knight
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Memorable quotes for
The Dark Knight (2008) More at IMDbPro »

Bruce Wayne: Targeting me won't get their money back. I knew the mob wouldn't go down without a fight, but this is different. They crossed the line.
Alfred Pennyworth: You crossed the line first, sir. You squeezed them, you hammered them to the point of desperation. And in their desperation they turned to a man they didn't fully understand.
Bruce Wayne: Criminals aren't complicated, Alfred. Just have to figure out what he's after.
Alfred Pennyworth: With respect, sir, perhaps this is a man that *you* don't fully understand.
Detective Wuertz: Dent. Jesus. I thought you was dead.
Two-Face: Half.
Harvey Dent: The famous Bruce Wayne. Rachel's told me everything about you.
Bruce Wayne: I certainly hope not.
Gotham National Bank Manager: Oh, criminals in this town used to believe in things. Honor. Respect. Look at you! What do you believe in, huh? WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE IN?
[Bozo leans down and sticks a grenade in the manager's mouth]
Bozo: I believe whatever doesn't kill you, simply makes you...
[takes off his mask]
The Joker: ...stranger.
Mayor: [regarding The Joker] What do we got?
Lt. James Gordon: Nothing. No matches on prints, DNA, dental. Clothing is custom, no labels. Nothing in his pockets but knives and lint. No name, no other alias.
[stumbles out of wrecked truck]
The Joker: [to Batman] Come on, I want you to do it, I want you to do it. Come on, hit me. *Hit me!*
Happy: So why do they call him "The Joker"?
Dopey: I heard he wears make-up.
Happy: Make-up?
Dopey: Yeah, to scare people. You know, war paint.
Harvey Dent: Alfred, right?
Alfred Pennyworth: That's right, sir.
Harvey Dent: Yeah, Rachel talks about you all the time. You've known her, her whole life!
Alfred Pennyworth: Oh, not yet, sir.
Harvey Dent: Heh heh heh. Any psychotic ex-boyfriends I should be aware of?
Alfred Pennyworth: [smiles] Oh, you have no idea.
The Joker: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. We are tonight's entertainment! I only have one question. Where is Harvey Dent?
[nobody responds; The Joker walks around the room pointing with his shotgun at everyone]
The Joker: You know where Harvey is? You know who he is?
[grabs a man's face]
The Joker: You know where I can find Harvey? I need to talk to him about something. Just something, a little.
[turns the man's face away]
The Joker: No...
Batman: [to The Joker] You wanted me, here I am.
Bruce Wayne: You know that day that you once told me about, when Gotham would no longer need Batman? It's coming.
Rachel Dawes: Bruce. You can't ask me to wait for that.
Bruce Wayne: It's happening now. Harvey is that hero. He locked up half of the city's criminals, and he did it without wearing a mask. Gotham needs a hero with a face.
[Lau announces that he's removed all the mob's cash from their banks before the police raid, and stashed them in a secure location]
Lau: Now, obviously, no one except me can know the location for now. But rest assured, your money is safe.
[From outside comes the sound of loud, fake laughter. The mob bosses turn and see the Joker enter]
The Joker: And I thought my jokes were bad.
Alfred Pennyworth: A long time ago, I was in Burma, my friends and I were working for the local government. They were trying to buy the loyalty of tribal leaders by bribing them with precious stones. But their caravans were being raided in a forest north of Rangoon by a bandit. So we went looking for the stones. But in six months, we never found anyone who traded with him. One day I saw a child playing with a ruby the size of a tangerine. The bandit had been throwing them away.
Bruce Wayne: Then why steal them?
Alfred Pennyworth: Because he thought it was good sport. Because some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.
The Joker: You know, I'll settle for his loved ones.
Gentleman at Party: We're not intimidated by thugs!
The Joker: [as he smacks his lips] You know, you remind me of my father.
[the Joker pulls out his switchblade and brings it to the Gentleman's mouth]
The Joker: I hated my father!
Rachel Dawes: [off-screen] Okay, stop!
[turns to face Rachel, tosses the Gentleman to his thugs and approaches Rachel, adjusting his hair with the knife]
The Joker: Well, hello, beautiful. You must be Harvey's squeeze, hm? And you *are* beautiful.
[the Joker hovers around the incredibly nervous Rachel]
The Joker: Well, you look nervous. Is it the scars? You want to know how I got 'em?
[He grabs Rachel's head and positions the knife by her mouth]
The Joker: Come here. Hey! Look at me. So I had a wife, beautiful, like you, who tells me I worry too much. Who tells me I ought to smile more. Who gambles and gets in deep with the sharks... Look at me! One day, they carve her face. And we have no money for surgeries. She can't take it. I just want to see her smile again, hm? I just want her to know that I don't care about the scars. So... I stick a razor in my mouth and do this...
[the Joker mimics slicing his mouth open with his tongue]
The Joker: ...to myself. And you know what? She can't stand the sight of me! She leaves. Now I see the funny side. Now I'm always smiling!
[Rachel knees the Joker in the groin; he merely laughs it off]
The Joker: A little fight in you. I like that.
Batman: [off-screen] Then you're going to love me.
[attacks him]
The Joker: It's a funny world we live in. Speaking of which, do you know how I got these scars?
Batman: No! But I know how you got these!
[bumps along while driving hijacked truck]
The Joker: I like this job - I like it!
[first lines]
Grumpy: [before a bank heist] Three of a kind, let's do this.
Chuckles: That's it, three guys?
Grumpy: Two guys on the roof. Every guy gets a share. Five shares is plenty.
Chuckles: Six shares, don't forget the guy who planned the job.
Grumpy: He thinks he can sit it out and still take a slice? I know why they call him "The Joker."
The Joker: And... here… we... go!
The Joker: Oh, you. You just couldn't let me go, could you? This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. You are truly incorruptible, aren't you? Huh? You won't kill me out of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness. And I won't kill you because you're just too much fun. I think you and I are destined to do this forever.
Batman: You'll be in a padded cell forever.
The Joker: Maybe we can share one. You know, they'll be doubling up, the rate this city's inhabitants are losing their minds.
Batman: This city just showed you that it's full of people ready to believe in good.
The Joker: Until their spirit breaks completely. Until they get a good look at the real Harvey Dent and all the heroic things he's done. You didn't think I'd risk losing the battle for Gotham's soul in a fistfight with you? No. You need an ace in the hole. Mine's Harvey.
Batman: What did you do?
The Joker: I took Gotham's white knight and I brought him down to our level. It wasn't hard. You see, madness, as you know, is like gravity. All it takes is a little push!
[the Joker laughs hysterically as Batman races off and the cops come to take the Joker into custody]
Lt. James Gordon: [to Harvey Dent] Everyone knows you're Gotham's White Knight.
The Joker: [to Det. Stephens] Do you want to know why I use a knife? Guns are too quick. You can't savor all the... little emotions. In... you see, in their last moments, people show you who they really are. So in a way, I know your friends better than you ever did. Would you like to know which of them were cowards?
[last lines]
James Gordon Jr.: Why's he running, Dad?
Lt. James Gordon: Because we have to chase him.
James Gordon Jr.: He didn't do anything wrong.
Lt. James Gordon: Because he's the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we'll hunt him because he can take it. Because he's not our hero. He's a silent guardian, a watchful protector. A dark knight.
[***SPOILER*** the Joker pins Batman, in view of the two rigged ferries]
The Joker: We really should stop fighting, we'll miss the fireworks!
Batman: There aren't going to be any fireworks!
The Joker: And here... we... go!
[Silence. Nothing happens. Confused, Joker turns to look at the clock, which shows that it's past midnight and neither ferry has blown the other up]
Batman: What were you hoping to prove? That, deep down, everyone's as ugly as you? You're *alone*!
The Joker: [sighs] Can't rely on anyone these days...
The Chechen: What are you going to do with all your money?
The Joker: See, I'm a man of simple tastes. I like dynamite, and gunpowder...
[the Chechen watches, appalled, as Joker's thugs pour gasoline on his mountain of cash]
The Joker: And gasoline! Do you know what all of these things have in common? They're cheap!
[repeated line]
The Joker: Wanna know how I got these scars?
Batman: Beautiful, isn't it?
Lucius Fox: Beautiful. Unethical. DANGEROUS. You've turned every cellphone in Gotham into a microphone.
Batman: And a high-frequency generator-receiver.
Lucius Fox: You took my sonar concept and applied it to every phone in the city. With half the city feeding you sonar, you can image all of Gotham. This is wrong.
Batman: I've gotta find this man, Lucius.
Lucius Fox: At what cost?
Batman: The database is null-key encrypted. It can only be accessed by one person.
Lucius Fox: This is too much power for one person.
Batman: That's why I gave it to you. Only you can use it.
Lucius Fox: Spying on 30 million people isn't part of my job description.
The Joker: I want... my phone call. I want it. I want it! I want my phone call!
Detective Stephens: That's nice.
The Joker: How many of your friends have I killed?
Detective Stephens: I'm a twenty-year man. I can tell the difference between punks who need a little lesson in manners, and the freaks like you who just enjoy it.
[pause]
Detective Stephens: And you've killed six of my friends.
[Joker, pretending amazement, mouths "six?"]
The Joker: [holds camera facing himself] See, this is how crazy Batman's made Gotham! If you want order in Gotham, Batman must take off his mask and turn himself in. Oh, and every day he doesn't, people will die, starting tonight. I'm a man of my word.
[laughs]
The Joker: Harvey, Harvey, Harvey Dent. Ohh, excuse me, I want to drive!
[gets behind the wheel of a semi truck]
The Chechen: What do you propose?
The Joker: It's simple. We, uh, kill the Batman.
[mobsters laugh]
Salvatore Maroni: If it's so simple, why haven't you done it already?
The Joker: If you're good at something, never do it for free.
Alfred Pennyworth: I suppose they'll lock me up as well. As your accomplice...
Bruce Wayne: Accomplice? I'm going to tell them the whole thing was your idea.
Bruce Wayne: [after The Joker threatens to blow up a hospital via TV] Do you think I should go to the hospital?
Lt. James Gordon: You don't watch a whole lot of news, do you, Mr. Wayne?
Two-Face: Tell your son it's going to be okay, Gordon. Lie, like I lied.
The Joker: [over the PA] Tonight you're all gonna be part of a social experiment. Through the magic of diesel fuel and ammonium nitrate, I'm ready right now to blow you all sky high. Anyone attempts to get off their boat, you all die. Each of you has a remote... to blow up the other boat. At midnight, I blow you all up. If, however, one of you presses the button, I'll let that boat live. So, who's it going to be: Harvey Dent's most wanted scumbag collection, or the sweet and innocent civilians? You choose... oh, and you might want to decide quickly, because the people on the other boat might not be so noble.
James Gordon Jr.: Did Batman save you, Daddy?
Lt. James Gordon: Actually, this time I saved him.
Lt. James Gordon: They'll hunt you.
Batman: You'll hunt me. You'll condemn me. Set the dogs on me. Because that's what needs to happen.
[the Batpod charges]
The Joker: Ooohhh. You want to play. Come on!
Salvatore Maroni: [nervously] Look, take it up with the Joker. He's the one who killed your woman, who made you what you are.
Two-Face: The Joker's just a mad dog. I want whoever let him off the leash.
[after Batman saves Rachel from falling out of a window]
Batman: You all right?
Rachel Dawes: Let's not do that again.
Salvatore Maroni: Look, if I tell you, will you let me go?
Two-Face: Can't hurt your chances.
Salvatore Maroni: It was Ramirez.
[Two-Face pulls the coin out and cocks his gun]
Salvatore Maroni: [panicking] But you said...
Two-Face: I said it couldn't hurt your chances.
[flips coin; good side]
Two-Face: You're a lucky man.
[flips again; bad side]
Two-Face: He's not.
Salvatore Maroni: Who?
Two-Face: [buckles seat belt] Your driver.
[He shoots the driver in the back; the car goes flying off the road]
Bruce Wayne: What about getting back into the plane?
Lucius Fox: I'd recommend a good travel agent.
Bruce Wayne: Without it landing.
Lucius Fox: [smiles] Now that's more like it, Mr. Wayne.
Alfred Pennyworth: Know your limits, Master Wayne.
Bruce Wayne: Batman has no limits.
Alfred Pennyworth: Well, you do, sir.
Bruce Wayne: Well, can't afford to know 'em.
The Joker: You have nothing, nothing to threaten me with. Nothing to do with all your strength.
Batman: You don't want to hurt the boy, Harvey.
Two-Face: It's not about what I want, it's about what's fair!
Bruce Wayne: [after running into Harvey and Rachel at a restaurant] So, let's put a couple tables together.
Harvey Dent: I'm not sure they'll let us.
Bruce Wayne: Oh, they should. I own the place.
Natascha: How could you want to raise children in a city like this?
Bruce Wayne: Well, I grew up in Gotham, and I turned out all right.
Harvey Dent: You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.
Salvatore Maroni: [Batman holds him out over a ledge] From one professional to another, if you're trying to scare somebody, pick a better spot. From this height, the fall wouldn't kill me.
Batman: I'm counting on it.
[he drops Maroni off the ledge, breaking his legs]
Harvey Dent: The night is darkest just before the dawn. And I promise you, the dawn is coming.
[Wayne Enterprises accountant Coleman Reese believes that he's discovered Batman's secret identity, and is trying to blackmail Fox]
Lucius Fox: Let me get this straight: You think that your client, one of the wealthiest, most powerful men in the world, is secretly a vigilante who spends his nights beating criminals to a pulp with his bare hands. And your plan is to blackmail this person? Good luck.
[Batman has just fought off Scarecrow and a group of Batman wannabes]
Batman: Don't let me find you out here again.
Brian: We're trying to help you!
Batman: I don't need help.
Dr. Jonathan Crane: Not in my diagnosis!
Brian: What gives you the right? What's the difference between you and me?
[Batman lowers himself into the Batmobile]
Batman: I'm not wearing hockey pads!
[while cross-examining one of Maroni's thugs on the witness stand, the thug pulls a gun and fires it at Harvey Dent; it mis-fires, and Harvey decks the thug with a right cross, and takes the gun away]
Harvey Dent: Carbon fiber, .28 Caliber, made in China.
[puts it on the table in front of Maroni]
Harvey Dent: If you want to kill a public servant, Mr. Maroni, I recommend you buy American.
Judge Freel: [to policemen holding the thug] Get him out of here!
Harvey Dent: But, Your Honor, I'm not done.
[cheers from the gallery]
Maroni's Mistress: Can't we go someplace quieter? We can't hear each other talk.
Salvatore Maroni: What makes you think I want to hear you talk?
Gambol: You're crazy.
The Joker: I'm not. No, I'm not.
Batman: Then why do you want to kill me?
The Joker: [laughs] I don't want to kill you! What would I do without you? Go back to ripping off mob dealers? No, no, NO! No. You... you... complete me.
Batman: You're garbage who kills for money.
The Joker: Don't talk like one of them. You're not! Even if you'd like to be. To them, you're just a freak, like me! They need you right now, but when they don't, they'll cast you out, like a leper! You see, their morals, their code, it's a bad joke. Dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these... these civilized people, they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve.
Bruce Wayne: People are dying, Alfred. What would you have me do?
Alfred Pennyworth: Endure, Master Wayne. Take it. They'll hate you for it, but that's the point of Batman, he can be the outcast. He can make the choice that no one else can make, the right choice.
Bruce Wayne: Well today I found out what Batman can't do. He can't endure this. Today you get to say "I told you so."
Alfred Pennyworth: Today, I don't want to.
[pauses for several moments]
Alfred Pennyworth: But I did bloody tell you.
The Joker: If we don't deal with this now, soon little, uh, Gambol here won't be able to get a nickel for his grandma.
Gambol: [explodes] Enough from the clown!
[He rises to his feet; Joker does too, opening his coat to reveal a cluster of grenades, attached to a string around his thumb]
The Joker: Ah-ta-ta-ta! Let's not *blow* this out of proportion.
Gambol: You think you can steal from us and just walk away?
The Joker: Yeah.
Lt. James Gordon: That was a very brave thing you did.
Bruce Wayne: Trying to catch the light?
Lt. James Gordon: So you weren't protecting the van?
Bruce Wayne: [pretending to be oblivious] Why? Who's in it?
Reese: They're trying to kill me!
Lt. James Gordon: Well, maybe Batman will save you.
The Chechen: [after bringing out a man under the influence of fear toxin] Look at what your drugs did to my customers.
Scarecrow: Buyer beware. I told you my compound would take you places. I never said they'd be places you wanted to go.
The Chechen: My business... repeat customers...
Scarecrow: If you don't like what I have to offer, you can buy from someone else. Assuming Batman left anyone to buy from.
Two-Face: You thought we could be decent men in an indecent time. But you were wrong. The world is cruel, and the only morality in a cruel world is chance.
[holds up his coin]
Two-Face: Unbiased. Unprejudiced. Fair.
Lucius Fox: It emits a high-frequency pulse for mapping an environment and records a response time.
Bruce Wayne: Sonar. Just like a...
Lucius Fox: Like a submarine, Mr. Wayne. Like a submarine.
Batman: [about the Joker] Where is he?
Salvatore Maroni: Nobody knows, he came to us!
Batman: He must have friends!
Salvatore Maroni: [incredulous] Friends? Have you met this guy?
The Joker: [Batman slams The Joker’s head on a table] Never start with the head, the victim gets all fuzzy.
The Joker: Those mob fools want you gone so they can get back to the way things were. But I know the truth: there's no going back. You've changed things... forever.
Batman: Where is Dent?
The Joker: You have all these rules and you think they'll save you.
Lt. James Gordon: [Batman slams the Joker against a wall] He's in control.
Batman: I have one rule.
The Joker: Then that's the rule you'll have to break to know the truth.
Batman: Which is?
The Joker: The only sensible way to live in this world is without rules. And tonight you're gonna break your one rule.
Batman: I'm considering it.
The Joker: No, there's only minutes left, so you're gonna have to play my little game if you want to save one of them.
Commissioner Gillian B. Loeb: [regarding The Joker's threat on his life] You're unlikely to discover this for yourself, so take my word, the police commissioner gets a lot of threats. I found the appropriate response to these situations a long time ago.
[pulls out a bottle of whiskey and glass]
Lt. James Gordon: [to The Joker] We got you, you son of a bitch!
The Joker: I had a vision, of a world without Batman. The mob ground out a little profit and the police tried to shut them down, one block at a time. And it was so... boring. I've had a change of heart. I don't want Mr. Reese spoiling everything, but why should I have all the fun? Let's give someone else a chance. If Coleman Reese isn't dead in sixty minutes then I blow up a hospital.
The Joker: Are you the real Batman?
Brian: No.
The Joker: No? Then why do you dress like him?
Brian: He's a symbol... that we don't have to be afraid of scum like you.
The Joker: Yeah, you do, Brian. You *really* do!
The Joker: We made it!
The Joker: Tell your men they work for me now. This is my city.
The Chechen: They won't work for a freak...
The Joker: [mocking his accent] A freak...
[pulls out his switchblade and tosses it to some goons, who grab the Chechen]
The Joker: Why don't we cut you up into little pieces and feed you to your pooches? Hmm? And then we'll see how loyal a hungry dog really is. It's not about money... it's about sending a message. Everything burns!
Lt. James Gordon: Harvey Dent never made it home.
The Joker: Of course not.
Lt. James Gordon: What have you done with him?
The Joker: Me? I was right here.
[holds up his arms in handcuffs]
The Joker: Who did you leave him with? Your people? Assuming, of course, they are still *your* people, and not Maroni's. Does it depress you, commissioner? To know just how alone you really are? Does it make you feel responsible for Harvey Dent's current predicament?
Lt. James Gordon: Where is he?
The Joker: What's the time?
Lt. James Gordon: What difference does that make?
The Joker: Well, depending on the time, he may in one spot, or several.
Lt. James Gordon: If we're gonna play games...
[takes off Joker's handcuffs]
Lt. James Gordon: I'm gonna need a cup of coffee.
The Joker: Ah, the good cop, bad cop routine?
Lt. James Gordon: Not exactly.
[During a bank heist, the Joker has tricked all his men into killing each other, one after the other. One of the last ones, getting wise, points his gun at another thug, who still has his mask on]
Grumpy: I'm betting The Joker told you to kill me soon as we loaded the cash.
Bozo: No. No, no, no. I kill the bus driver.
Grumpy: [confused] Bus driver? What bus dri-?
[a school bus drives through the wall and kills Grumpy]
Lt. James Gordon: Dent is in there with them! We have to save Dent! *I* have to save Dent!
The Joker: [to the mob after performing his "magic trick"] Oh, and by the way, the suit, it wasn't cheap. You oughta know, you bought it.
Lt. James Gordon: [speaking to Harvey Dent] If I didn't work with cops you investigated while you were making your name at I.A. I'd be working alone. I don't get political points for being an idealist, I have to do the best I can with what I have.
Bruce Wayne: I need a new suit.
Lucius Fox: Yeah, three buttons is a little '90's, Mr. Wayne.
Bruce Wayne: I'm not talking fashion, Mr. Fox, so much as function.
[hands him a diagram]
Lucius Fox: You want to be able to turn your head.
Bruce Wayne: Sure would make backing out of the driveway easier.
The Chechen: Who's stupid enough to steal from us?
Salvatore Maroni: Some two-bit whack-job. Wears a cheap purple suit and make-up. He's not the problem. He's a nobody.
Bruce Wayne: How will it hold up against dogs?
Lucius Fox: We talking Rottweilers or Chihuahuas? Should do fine against cats.
Salvatore Maroni: I thought the D.A. just played golf with the mayor, things like that?
Harvey Dent: Tee off's one-thirty, more than enough time to put you away for life, Sally.
Lt. James Gordon: It's a shame Sal's going to walk.
Harvey Dent: Yeah, well, the good thing about the mob is they keep giving you second chances.
Bruce Wayne: You look tired, Alfred. You'll be all right without me?
Alfred Pennyworth: [looking at all the sunbathing women] You can tell me the Russian for, "apply your own bloody suntan lotion."
Gambol: [to The Joker] Give me one reason why I shouldn't have my boy here pull your head off.
The Joker: How about a magic trick?
[pulls out a pencil and sticks it upright into the table]
The Joker: I'm gonna make this pencil disappear.
[Gambol's thug walks over to kill The Joker, who slams his face into the pencil and kills him]
The Joker: Ta-daa! It's... it's gone.
[***SPOILER*** The Joker has rigged two ferries to explode, one filled with prison inmates, one with ordinary people, giving each ferry one detonator and telling them they have to blow up the other, or he'll blow up both. A prisoner approaches the warden, who's holding the detonator]
Tattooed Prisoner: You don't want to die, but you don't know how to take a life. Give it to me; these men would kill you, and take it anyway. Give it to me. You can tell 'em I took it by force. Give it to me, and I'll do what you shoulda did ten minutes ago.
[Scared, the warden hands over the detonator. The prisoner looks at it, then throws it out the window]
Det. Ramirez: [regarding CCTV photos of The Joker's bank heist] He can't resist showing us his face.
Lt. James Gordon: What's he hiding under that make-up?
Detective Murphy: Look at these ugly bastards.
Fat Thug: I don't feel good.
Detective Murphy: You're a cop killer. You're lucky to be feeling anything below the neck.
Salvatore Maroni: [to Batman who is interrogating him about The Joker] No one's gonna tell you anything. They're wise to your act. You got rules. The Joker, he's got no rules. No one's gonna cross him for you. You want this guy, you got one way. And you already know what that is. Just take off that mask and let him come find you. Or do you want to let a couple more people get killed while you make your mind?
Batman: What happened to Rachel wasn't chance. We decided to act! We three!
Two-Face: Then why was it me who was the only one who lost everything?
Batman: It wasn't.
Two-Face: The Joker chose ME!
Batman: Because you were the best of us! He wanted to prove that even someone as good as you could fall.
Two-Face: [bitter] And he was right.
[Gordon and the police arrive to arrest Maroni]
Salvatore Maroni: You sure you wanna embarrass me in front of my friends, Lieutenant?
Lt. James Gordon: Oh, don't worry. They're coming too.
The Joker: [speaking to Batman] I wanted to see what you'd do. And you didn't disappoint... You let five people die. Then, you let Dent take your place. Even to a guy like me, that's cold...
Harvey Dent: You can *not* leave me alone with these people.
Rachel Dawes: The whole mob's after you, and you're worried about *these* guys?
Harvey Dent: Yea, well, compared to *these* guys, the mob doesn't scare me.
Bruce Wayne: The bandit, in the forest in Burma, did you catch him?
Alfred Pennyworth: Yes.
Bruce Wayne: How?
Alfred Pennyworth: We burned the forest down.
Mike Engel: [kidnapped by the Joker, Engel is reading a prepared statement] "I'm Mike Engel for Gotham Tonight. What does it take to make you people join in? You failed to kill the lawyer. I've got to get you off the bench..."
The Joker: Bench...
Mike Engel: "And into the game."
The Joker: ...game.
Mike Engel: "Come nightfall, this city is mine..."
The Joker: Mine...
Mike Engel: "... and anyone left here plays by my rules."
The Joker: ...rules.
Mike Engel: "If you don't want to be in the game... get out now.
The Joker: ...get out now
Mike Engel: But the bridge and tunnel crowd are sure in for a surprise. Ha ha ha ha."
[Joker laughs]
Rachel Dawes: [letter to Bruce] Dear Bruce; I need to explain. I need to be honest and clear. I'm going to marry Harvey Dent. I love him. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. When I told you that if Gotham no longer needed Batman we could be together, I meant it. But I'm not sure the day will come when *you* will no longer need Batman. I hope it does and if it does I will be there, but only as your *friend.* I'm sorry to let you down. If you lose your faith in me, please keep your faith in people. Love, now and always, - Rachel.
Batman: You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain. I can do those things because I'm not a hero, like Dent. I killed those people. That's what I can be
Lt. James Gordon: No, you can't! You're not!
Batman: I'm whatever Gotham needs me to be.
Harvey Dent: Remember that name you all had for me when I was at Internal Affairs? What was it, Gordon?
Lt. James Gordon: Harvey, I...
Harvey Dent: Say it. Say it!
Lt. James Gordon: Two-Face. Harvey Two-Face.
[Harvey turns his head, revealing the scarred side of his face]
Harvey Dent: Why should I hide who I am?
The Joker: You and your kind, all you care about is money. This city deserves a better class of criminal. And I'm gonna give it to them!
[during the bank heist]
Happy: Here comes the silent alarm...
[disables it]
Happy: And there it goes. That's funny, it didn't dial out to 9-1-1. It was trying to reach a private number.
Dopey: Is it a problem?
Happy: Nah, I'm done here.
[Dopey shoots him]
[during the bank heist, Bozo subdues the terrified customers and employees by putting grenades in their hands and pulling the pins]
Grumpy: Obviously, we don't want you doing anything with your hands except hanging on for dear life!
[During the bank heist, the bank manager produces a shotgun and starts blasting away. Bozo and Grumpy dive for cover]
Gotham National Bank Manager: Do you have any idea who you're stealing from? You and your friends are dead!
Grumpy: He's out, right?
[Bozo thinks a moment, then nods. Grumpy stands and takes aim, only to take the manager's last round in his shoulder, allowing Bozo to shoot the manager in the leg]
Grumpy: Where did you learn to count?
[examining one of the gauntlets for his new and improved Batsuit, Bruce presses a button, and the spikes are launched across the room, narrowly missing Fox before they bury themselves in the wall]
Lucius Fox: Maybe you want to read the instruction manual first.
Bruce Wayne: [sheepish] Sorry.
[the Bat-Signal appears in the sky]
The Chechen: This is why we bring dogs!
[watching news of Lau's capture on the television]
The Chechen: With word out, we hire the clown.
[the other mobsters look doubtful]
The Chechen: He was right. We have to fix real problem: Batman.
Batman: [about Lau] If I get him to you, can you get him to talk?
Harvey Dent: I'll get him to sing.
Lt. James Gordon: We're going after the mob's life savings. Things will get ugly.
Harvey Dent: I knew the risks when I took this job, Lieutenant.
[turns back to Batman]
Harvey Dent: How will you get him back? Any-?
[Batman has disappeared]
Lt. James Gordon: He does that.
Batman: [to Joker] Let her go!
The Joker: [holding Rachel out of a window] Very poor choice of words...
The Joker: [to Gambol's thugs, being held helpless by his own] Now, our operation is small, but there's a lot of potential for "aggressive" expansion. So, which one of you fine gentlemen would like to join our team? Oh, there's only one spot open right now, so we're gonna have...
[breaks pool cue over knee]
The Joker: Tryouts.
[throws broken pool cue at the thugs]
The Joker: Make it fast.
[Batman slams The Joker's head on a table]
The Joker: Never start with the head, the victim gets all fuzzy.
[Batman slams a fist down on Joker's hand]
The Joker: [pretends not to feel it] See?
Harvey Dent: Well, I guess no answer is a no.
Rachel Dawes: Harvey...
Harvey Dent: It's someone else, isn't it?
Rachel Dawes: Harvey...
Harvey Dent: Just tell me it's not Wayne, the guy's a complete...
[Bruce comes up behind him and grabs him in a chokehold]
Rachel Dawes: What are you doing?
Bruce Wayne: [as Harvey falls unconscious] They're coming for him!
Two-Face: It was your men, your plan!
The Joker: Do I really look like a guy with a plan? You know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it. You know, I just... do things. The mob has plans, the cops have plans, Gordon's got plans. You know, they're schemers. Schemers trying to control their little worlds. I'm not a schemer. I try to show the schemers how pathetic their attempts to control things really are. So, when I say... Ah, come here.
[takes Dent's hand into his own]
The Joker: When I say that you and your girlfriend was nothing personal, you know that I'm telling the truth. It's the schemers that put you where you are. You were a schemer, you had plans, and look where that got you.
[Dent tries to grab the Joker]
The Joker: I just did what I do best. I took your little plan and I turned it on itself. Look what I did to this city with a few drums of gas and a couple of bullets. Hmmm? You know... You know what I've noticed? Nobody panics when things go "according to plan." Even if the plan is horrifying! If, tomorrow, I tell the press that, like, a gang banger will get shot, or a truckload of soldiers will be blown up, nobody panics, because it's all "part of the plan." But when I say that one little old mayor will die, well then everyone loses their minds!
[Joker hands Two-Face a gun and points it at himself]
The Joker: Introduce a little anarchy. Upset the established order, and everything becomes chaos. I'm an agent of chaos. Oh, and you know the thing about chaos? It's fair!
[still holding the gun, Two-Face pauses and takes out his coin]
Two-Face: [showing the unscarred side] You live.
The Joker: Mm-hmm.
Two-Face: [flips, showing the scarred side] You die.
The Joker: Mmm, now we're talking.
The Joker: [to the Chechen] Tell your men they work for me now. This is my city.
The Chechen: They won't work... for a FREAK!
The Joker: [pulls out a knife] Why don't we cut you up into little pieces and feed you to your pooches, hmm? And then we'll see how loyal a hungry dog REALLY is!
The Joker: [half to himself] Its not about money... its about sending a message.
The Joker: [dialing on a cell phone while a mountain of money burns behind him] Everything burns!
The Joker: Let's put a smile on that face!
[as the Batman wanna-be's attack the drug deal]
Scarecrow: That's not him.
[Mayhem ensues, with lots of gunfire]
The Chechen: Loose the dogs!
[after more fighting, the Batmobile crashes into the garage]
Scarecrow: That's more like it!
[after crashing the bus into the bank and running over Grumpy]
Bus Driver: School's out, time to go!
[laughs]
Bus Driver: Cat's not getting up, is he?
[He and Bozo load the duffels into the bus]
Bus Driver: That's a lot of money.
[pause]
Bus Driver: What happened to the rest of the guys?
[Bozo casually shoots the bus driver dead, then picks up the last duffel and throws it into the bus]
Lt. James Gordon: Because sometimes the truth isn't good enough.
[Alfred burns the envelope from Rachel]
Lt. James Gordon: Sometimes, people deserve more.
Happy: [after cracking open the bank's safe] They wired this thing up with, like, 5,000 volts. What kind of bank does that?
Grumpy: A mob bank. I guess the Joker is as crazy as they say. Where's the alarm guy?
Happy: Boss told me, when the guy was done, I should take him out. One less share, right?
Grumpy: Funny, he told me something similar.
Happy: What...?
[turns]
Happy: No, no, no-!
[Grumpy shoots him]
Alfred Pennyworth: [looks at the large gash on Bruce's arm] Did you get mauled by a tiger?
Bruce Wayne: [quietly] It was a dog.
Alfred Pennyworth: Huh?
Bruce Wayne: It was a big dog!
[pause]
Bruce Wayne: More copycats last night, Alfred, with guns.
Alfred Pennyworth: Why don't you hire them and take the weekend off?
The Joker: All right. So, listen. Why don't you give me a call when you want to start taking things a little more seriously? Here's my card.
[He holds up a Joker card and places it on the table]
The Joker: Let's wind the clocks back a year. These cops and lawyers wouldn't dare cross any of you. I mean, what happened? Did, did your balls drop off? Hm? You see, a guy like me...
Gambol: Freak!
[mobsters laugh]
The Joker: [ignoring] A guy like me... Look, listen. I know why you choose to have your little...
[clears throat]
The Joker: ...group therapy sessions in broad daylight. I know why you're afraid to go out at night... The Batman. See, Batman has shown Gotham your true colors, unfortunately. Dent? He's just the beginning.
[indicates Lau on the video phone]
The Joker: And as for the television's so-called "plan?" Batman has no "jurisdiction." He'll find him and make him squeal! I know the squealers when I see them, and...
[He indicates Lau again, who hurriedly turns off the picture]
Alfred Pennyworth: Will you be wanting the Batpod, sir?
Bruce Wayne: In the middle of the day, Alfred? Not very subtle.
Alfred Pennyworth: The Lamborghini, then.
[with deadpan sarcasm]
Alfred Pennyworth: Much more subtle.
The Joker: If you're good at something never do it for free.
Lucius Fox: No, I really came to tell you that our business deal has to be put on hold. You see, we can't afford to be seen to do business with whatever it is you're accused of being. I'm sure a businessman of your stature will understand.
Lau: I think, Mr. Fox, a simple phone call might have sufficed.
Lucius Fox: Mr. Wayne didn't want you to think that he was deliberately wasting your time.
Lau: Just accidentally wasting it.
Lucius Fox: That's very good, Mr. Lau. Accidentally. Very good.
Cop Heckler: No more dead cops!
Shotgun SWAT: That's not good!
[Police helicopter crashes into the road]
Shotgun SWAT: Okay, that's not good!
Two-Face: You thought we could be decent men, in an indecent time! You were wrong. The world is cruel, and the only morality in a cruel world is chance. Unbiased, unprejudiced... fair. His son's got the same chance she had, 50/50.
Batman: What happened to Rachel wasn't chance, we decided to act. We three.
Two-Face: Then why was it me who lost everything?
Batman: It wasn't...
Two-Face: Did she believe you?
Det. Ramirez: Yes.
Two-Face: Of course she did. Because she trusts you. Just like Rachel trusted you.
Det. Ramirez: I didn't know...
Two-Face: What they were going to do to me? You're the second cop to say that to me tonight. What, *exactly*, did you think they were going to do to me?
Det. Ramirez: They got me early. My mother's hospital bills...
Two-Face: Don't!
[He flips his coin]
Det. Ramirez: [crying] I'm sorry...
[the coin lands good side up]
Two-Face: Live to fight another day, Detective.
[he punches her unconscious]
Natascha: But this is a democracy Harvey...
Harvey Dent: When their enemies were at the gates, the Romans would suspend democracy and appoint one man to protect the city. It wasn't considered an honor, it was considered a public service.
Rachel Dawes: Harvey, the last man who they appointed the Republic was named Caesar and he never gave up his power.
Harvey Dent: Okay, fine. you either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.
The Joker: [holding a knife inside Gambol's mouth] Wanna know how I got these scars? My father was... a drinker. And a fiend. And one night he goes off crazier than usual. Mommy gets the kitchen knife to defend herself. He doesn't like that. Not-one-bit. So - me watching - he takes the knife to her, laughing while he does it! Turns to me, and he says, "why so serious, son?" Comes at me with the knife... "Why so serious?" He sticks the blade in my mouth... "Let's put a smile on that face!" And...
[looks sidelong at Gambol's thug, watching the whole thing in horror]
The Joker: Why so serious?
[the Batpod emerges from an alleyway]
The Joker: Now there's a Batman!
Batman: Sometimes the truth isn't good enough, sometimes people deserve more. Sometimes people deserve to have their faith rewarded...
[Gordon meets his wife after he faked his death]
Lt. James Gordon: I'm, sorry, dear, but i couldn't risk anybody finding out for the sake of your life and...
[Gordon's wife slaps him and embraces him]
[the Joker has kidnapped Rachel and Dent]
The Joker: You know, I really thought you were Dent, the way you went to save her...
[Batman loses control and goes to work on the Joker]
[Rachel discovers Dent's coin is two-faced]
Rachel Dawes: [smiling sardonically] You make your own luck...
Harvey Dent: Lightly irradiated bills. Fancy stuff for a city cop. Have help?
Lt. James Gordon: We liase with various agencies.
Harvey Dent: Save it, Gordon. I want to meet him.
[Loeb causally has a sip while Gordon worries about him]
Commissioner Gillian B. Loeb: Come on, Jim! Where would they get my DNA anyway?
Lt. James Gordon: Well, they can get it from any surface: a paper, a door, or your glasses... Don't drink that!
[Too late: Loeb starts choking... ]
Batman: Because sometimes the truth isn't good enough.
[insert cut: Alfred burns the envelope from Rachel]
Batman: Sometimes, people deserve more.
Detective Wuertz: Listen, Dent, I swear to God I didn't know what they were gonna do to you.
Two-Face: That's funny...
[pulls out coin]
Two-Face: 'Cause I don't know what's gonna happen to you either.
Two-Face: The joker chose me!
Batman: Because you were the best of us. He wanted to prove that even someone as good as you could fall.
Two-Face: And he was right.
Batman: You're the one pointing the gun, Harvey. So point it at the people responsible.
Two-Face: Fair enough.
[to Batman]
Two-Face: You first.
[Flips the coin]
Two-Face: [Shoots Batman and points the gun at himself]
Two-Face: My turn.
The Joker: [the Joker interrupts a meeting between Lau and Gotham's criminals] Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha oh hee hee ha ah ooh hee ha ha. And I thought my jokes were bad.
Gambol: Give me one reason why I shouldn't have my boy here pull your head off.
The Joker: How about a magic trick?
[pulls out a pencil]
The Joker: I'm gonna make this pencil disappear.
[slams Gambol's thug's head into pencil]
The Joker: Ta-da! It's... it's gone. Oh and about the suit. It wasn't cheap. You oughta know: you bought it.
[Gambol gets up in anger]
The Chechen: Sit. I want to hear proposition.
The Joker: Let's wind the clocks back a year. These cops and lawyers wouldn't dare cross any of you. I mean what happened? Did... did your balls drop off? Hmm? You see a guy like me...
Gambol: [interrupts] A freak.
The Joker: A guy... like me... Look, listen. I know why you choose to have your little group therapy sessions here in broad daylight. I know why you're afraid to go out at night; the Batman. You see, Batman has shown Gotham your true colors unfortunately. Dent, he's just the beginning. And, and as for the television's so-called plan? Batman has no jurisdiction. He'll find him, and make him squeal. I know the squealers when I see them and...
[points at Lau]
The Chechen: What do you propose?
The Joker: It's simple: We, uh, kill the Batman.
[everyone laughs]
Salvatore Maroni: If it's so simple, why haven't you done it already?
The Joker: If you're good at something, never do it for free.
The Chechen: How much you want?
The Joker: Uh... half.
[everyone laughs again]
Gambol: You're crazy.
The Joker: I'm not. No, I'm not. If we don't deal with this now, soon little uh, Gambol here won't be able to get a nickel for his grandma.
Gambol: Enough from the clown!
The Joker: [reveals the inside of his jacket, which has five hand grenades with the pins attached to a thread tied to the Joker's finger] Ah-ta-ta-ta-ta! Let's not "blow" this out of proportion.
Gambol: You think you can steal from us and just walk away?
The Joker: Yeah.
Gambol: I'm puttin' the word out: 500 hundred grand for this clown dead. A million alive so I can teach him some manners first.
The Joker: Alright, so listen. Why don't you give me a call when you want to start taking things a little more seriously? Here's my card.
[leaves joker card on the table and walks away]
Lucius Fox: [On the plan to capture Lau] Now I must say compared to your usual requests, jumping out of an airplane is pretty straightforward.
Bruce Wayne: And what about getting back into the plane?
Lucius Fox: I'd recommend a good travel agent.
Bruce Wayne: Without it landing.
Lucius Fox: Now that's more like it, Mr. Wayne. The CIA had a program back in the 60s for getting their people out of hotspots called Skyhook. We could look into that.
The Joker: [the Joker has Brain Douglas captured and is recording him] Tell them your name.
Brian: Brian... Douglas.
The Joker: Are you the real Batman?
Brian: No.
The Joker: No?
Brian: No.
The Joker: No? Then why do you dress up like him?
[grabs Brian's mask and dangles it in front of the camera]
The Joker: whooo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Brian: Because he's a symbol that we don't have to be afraid of scum like you.
The Joker: Oh you do, Brian. You really do. Yeah. Oh shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. So, you think Batman's made Gotham a better place? Hmm? Look at me. LOOK AT ME!
[turns camera to himself]
The Joker: You see? This is how crazy Batman's made Gotham! You want order in Gotham? Batman must take off his mask and turn himself in. Oh, and every day he doesn't, people will die. Starting tonight. I'm a man of my word.
[laughs]
[the night Gordon is shot, his wife opens her door and sees Stephens and Ramirez]
Detective Stephens: Barbara...
Barbara Gordon: [breaking down] No!
Detective Stephens: I'm so sorry...
[She hugs him, sobbing]
Barbara Gordon: Are you up there? I know you're there! You did this! You brought this craziness on us!
[Batman, perched above Gordon's door, hangs his head]
Two-Face: [holding a gun to Gordon's son's head]
Two-Face: Tell your son it's going to be alright, Gordon. Lie, like I lied.
Lt. James Gordon: It'll be okay, son.
[after visiting the scarred Dent in the hospital, Gordon emerges and sees Maroni there, leaning on a cane]
Salvatore Maroni: [embarrassed] This has got out of hand. It's gone too far.
Lt. James Gordon: You should have thought of that before you let that clown out of the box.
[while fighting with Batman, Joker knocks him down and raises a knife]
The Joker: All the old familiar places...
Alfred Pennyworth: You spat in the faces of Gotham's worse criminals. Did you not expect casualties? Things were always going to get worse before they got better.
Batman: Where are they?
The Joker: You have absolutely nothing to threaten me with...

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