12 oz. Mouse (2005–2020)
Adam Reed: Shark
Photos
Quotes
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Shark : Are you drunk?
Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald : Not drunk enough.
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Shark : Hey, you're back.
Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald : Your back, your front.
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Shark : Can I help you?
Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald : Can I help *you*?
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Shark : He's rectangley. That's how you'll know him. By his rectangularness.
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Shark : So let me get this straight.
Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald : Okay.
Shark : I sent you out to pick up a client and take him to a meeting.
Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald : Yes. Yes, sir.
Shark : Instead of that, you took him to a porno set where he starred in his very first porno, then you blew him up...
Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald : Wrong. That didn't happen.
Shark : Then you robbed a bank.
Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald : Robbed a bank?
Shark : Threw up on a woman...
Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald : [incredulous] Whaaaaat?
Shark : And sang to the police.
Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald : That didn't happen. I didn't do that.
Shark : So what did you do?
Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald : I did what I wanted to do.
Shark : Which was what, again?
Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald : All things. Allllll.
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Shark : You know what they say? That I'm gonna give you one more chance. Do they always say that?
Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald : Oh, yeah. I think I'll give you one more chance!
[Mouse pulls out a gun and shoots the Shark multiple times]
Shark : Bulletproof.
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Shark : [referring to Mouse's job] You didn't do it, did you?
Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald : No, no I did.
Shark : No no no no no... don't lie. 'Cause you didn't do it, did you?
Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald : Did
Shark : What was the job?
Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald : To do things.
Shark : For what?
Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald : Mmm...
Shark : And don't say money.
Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald : Rubles...
[pause]
Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald : Barney Rubles.
Mouse 'Fitz' Fitzgerald : [jumping onto the desk, noticing the ghost-like person in the room] Hey, who's the ghost?
Shark : That's the new guy.
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Shark : A head your size would burst like an infected kidney... and all I'd remember was how warm the juices were that lapped the back of my uvula on their trip down to stomach land.