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The Cottage (2008)

Unrated | | Comedy, Crime, Horror | 14 March 2008 (UK)
In a remote part of the countryside, a bungled kidnapping turns into a living nightmare for four central characters when they cross paths with a psychopathic farmer and all hell breaks ... See full summary »
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Cast

Complete credited cast:
...
...
...
...
Andrew
James Bierman ...
Bouncer
Cat Meacher ...
Club Receptionist
...
Man in Suit
...
Muk Li San
Jonathan Chan-Pensley ...
Chun Yo Fu
Simon Schatzberger ...
Steven
...
Villager with Dog
...
The Farmer (as David Legeno)
Katy Murphy ...
Farmer's Wife
...
Farmer's Daughter 1
Eden Watson ...
Farmer's Daughter 2
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Storyline

In a remote part of the countryside, a bungled kidnapping turns into a living nightmare for four central characters when they cross paths with a psychopathic farmer and all hell breaks loose. Written by Anonymous

Plot Summary | Add Synopsis

Taglines:

Sleeps six bloody comfortably.


Certificate:

Unrated | See all certifications »

Parents Guide:

 »
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Details

Official Sites:

Country:

Language:

Release Date:

14 March 2008 (UK)  »

Also Known As:

Bienvenue au cottage  »

Filming Locations:

 »

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Box Office

Budget:

£2,500,000 (estimated)

Opening Weekend:

£303,072 (United Kingdom), 16 March 2008, Limited Release
See more on IMDbPro »

Company Credits

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Technical Specs

Runtime:

Color:

Aspect Ratio:

2.35 : 1
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Did You Know?

Trivia

According to director Williams, Tracey was originally written as a 40-year-old character but, to get the finance, he was told to cast someone young. See more »

Goofs

When David drives to the nearby village to make the phone call he parks his car facing the opposite direction he is to return. After the call and after his encounter with the village folks he returns to his car and drives off without reversing his car. The car was automatically reversed. See more »

Quotes

David: [as his brother takes his time crawling over to him] Hurry up for fuck's sake
David: [holding the farmer at bay by threatening to destroy his photos] Mad... mad... mad bastard... you stay there or she
[a photo of the farmer's wife]
David: gets it
See more »

Crazy Credits

Stay till the very end of the credits for an additional scene. See more »

Connections

References My Bloody Valentine (1981) See more »

Frequently Asked Questions

See more (Spoiler Alert!) »

User Reviews

 
Serkis in undeniably the star of this film
12 February 2008 | by See all my reviews

Director Paul Andrew Williams wanted to "write a film that cost no money and was all set in one place". And the first sixty or so minutes stuck to this agenda pretty well; Two brothers kidnap the daughter (Jennifer Ellison) of a wealthy man, he sends out two crazy Chinese guys to kill them, nerdy brother Peter (Reece Shearsmith) looses the all important mobile phone and older hard-man brother David (Andy Serkis) swears a lot, all in the confines of a deserted cottage. The dialogue is just about snappy enough to keep this interesting. Not much to be said for the camera work – but it does kinda add to the atmosphere. And then they end up in another cottage and the blood bath begins.

It's pretty obvious why they cast Ellison: she has big bouncy boobs and her harsh liverpoodlian accent is juxtaposed perfectly with her blonde hair and Barbie doll face. No one really cares that her script rarely ventures beyond words too rude to publish here – the camera generally focuses on her chest/backside with the occasional headbut thrown in. Shame really; I was hoping she'd amaze us all with her diverse acting talent, but I guess it's a case of you can take the girl out of Brookside but you won't get an amazing actress out of a soap star.

Serkis in undeniably the star of this film. The perfect gangster with a heart, his sincerity and charm kept me watching throughout. I'm not entirely sure why he chose to do The Cottage – perhaps, like me, he was hoping this would be one of those rare things; a funny independent British comedy. But unfortunately it just felt like Williams had taken The Chain Sore Massacre and Hot Fuzz, cut out the best bits, stuck the leftovers in a blender and then forgot to cook it properly.

By all means go see this if you like blood, guts and rolling heads, just don't expect any intellect in the script.


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