In a remote part of the countryside, a bungled kidnapping turns into a living nightmare for four central characters when they cross paths with a psychopathic farmer and all hell breaks ... See full summary »
When Chloe (Kristen Dalton) and Michael Carpenter rent out the cottage behind their house to charming romance novelist, Robert Mars (David Arquette) their American dream soon turns into a suburban nightmare.
Upper middle class employee Tom ventures into a derelict squatter building to buy a gun from D, a cocky but stupid, homeless crack-junkie, who meanly tries to extort above the agreed price.... See full summary »
It's 3:07am and two girls burst into a run down London toilet. Joanne is crying her eyes out and her clothing is ripped. Kelly's face is bruised and starting to swell. Duncan Allen lies in ... See full summary »
Paul Andrew Williams
A man is abducted from the streets of London and transported via secret flights to an unknown country. Held in solitary confinement and cut off from the outside world, he is plunged into a ... See full summary »
A group of men head to a remote village to help one of their friends get over his divorce; when they get there, though, they discover that all the women have been infected with a virus that makes them man-hating cannibals.
Rachel discovers she is pregnant. Just as she is about to break the news to her stockbroker boyfriend Bill, he dumps her. Heartbroken and angry, Rachel takes Bill's cherished sports car, ... See full summary »
In a remote part of the countryside, a bungled kidnapping turns into a living nightmare for four central characters when they cross paths with a psychopathic farmer and all hell breaks loose. Written by
The man with the dog who speaks to David when he goes to the village telephone Is Doug Bradley, better known as 'Pin-Head' In the Hellraiser film franchise. See more »
When David returns from the Public telephone In the village the Alarm Is blaring out and lights flashing on one of the cars. David runs Into the house with the alarm still sounding but a few seconds later the alarm mysteriously switches Itself off. See more »
You might say that "The Cottage" has opened to less than stellar reviews in the UK. Frankly, this is a slight understatement. The truth of the matter is that "The Cottage" has opened to stinkingly bad reviews in the UK. Just terrible write ups.
Part of the issue the UK critics seem to have with "The Cottage" is that Director Paul Andrew Williams decided to follow up his low budget, gritty, violent and critically lauded thriller "London To Brighton", with a pretty generic horror film. I don't mind that so much. In fact I kind of admire it. As a film fan I see all kinds of films. I would imagine that any film Director started off at some point as a film fan and, as such, would like to have a crack at making all kinds of films. If "The Cottage" had been a masterpiece then it wouldn't have mattered, would it? Just another Director working in a different genre.
Sadly, "The Cottage" is not a masterpiece. Far from it. Slapstick horror is very difficult to pull off, and "The Cottage" does not come close, but it is not the total flop you might think it would be from reading the reviews. I think the problem with "The Cottage" is that it cannot decide what it wants to be. Knockabout kidnapping comedy or knockabout horror comedy? It is a bit of both, but not enough of either. Sad to say it, but all of the best bits are all in the trailer.
Andy Serkis and Reece Shearsmith are fine as the bickering, mismatched brothers and kidnappers: Andy Serkis permanently grumpy and frustrated, Reece Shearsmith, jumpy, under the thumb and a sufferer of Mottephobia. (You can look it up.) Boobilicious, lads mag favourite Jennifer Ellison as the tough as nails kidnap victim was a bit disappointing. I was expecting a lot more from her and didn't get it. Not nearly an energetic enough performance.
I went to see "The Cottage" with my Brother. I got a one word review from him. Sh*t. Maybe that says it all?
15 of 24 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful to you?