After Sex (2007)
Leslie: Love is not negotiable.
Christopher: Oh, baby, everything is negotiable!
Leslie: Love is not negotiable. No, not love. Love is a guessing game. And that's the beauty of it, there's no guarantees. It's like diving into a pool of water without knowing if it's shallow or deep. Sure, right, if it's shallow you end up hurt and paralyzed from the neck down. But if it's deep... it's a leap of faith. It's like throwing yourself out there without any guarantees. And that's what life's about!
Leslie: Okay, you know those carnival games, right? And you know how some of them are really hard to win and some of them are super easy and everyone wins?
Leslie: Well, it's just that that's the difference between love and sex. Sex is the game where everyone wins a little prize and no one goes home a loser. And... love is the game that's really hard to win.
Leslie: But if you do and you get to take home that life-sized stuffed rhinoceros, it feels a whole lot better than taking home that shitty little plastic key chain.
Marco: So, uh, wha, wha, what do you really do, huh?
Alanna: I'm an actress.
Marco: All right. Jesus.
Leslie: *God*, if only your dick was as big as your ego.
Christopher: If it was, I wouldn't be able to walk around,
Christopher: and neither would you for that matter.
Nikki: [talking about pussy] What does it taste like?
[Kat is going to respond but Nikki interrupts]
Nikki: Look, does it taste like chicken? Does it taste like potatoes? I mean, does it taste like tuna?
Kat: Don't... Oh, I can't. No, it...
Nikki: [interrupts] You know, it smells like tuna.
David: You were totally jealous, completely insecure and always certain that I was cheating on you.
Jordy: You *were* always cheating on me.
David: Yea, but you didn't know that.
David: We know why I'm cheating on my girlfriend, because I'm a piece of shit. But at least I know what I am and... and I'm honest with myself about it.
Jordy: Yeah, unfortunately, you're the only person you have the ability to be honest to.
David: The only reason that I lie to women is to protect them from being hurt.
Alanna: Where are you from, Mexico or something?
Marco: Uh... well, I'm spanish and uh... I'm from Madrid.
Alanna: Is... what part of Mexico is that in?
Marco: Oh no, it's... it's in Spain.
Alanna: I know, but isn't that in Mexico?
Marco: No, it's in Spain. It's a country? In Europe?
Alanna: Oh! Okay, like, by England.
Marco: Ye... ye... yeah, kind of. Yes.
Alanna: What, um... what language do they speak there?
Marco: [surprised by her dumbness] Spanish.
Alanna: I know, but isn't that what they speak in, um... in uh... Mexico?
Marco: Yes, but the language... uh, the language originated in Spain.
Alanna: Are you sure?
Marco: [frustrated] Yes, I am uh... positive.
Marco: First, you're a girl who's laying in bed next to me. And then you're an escort who's laying in bed next to me. *Now you're an escort who fuck-ed her uncle who she thought was her cousin is laying in bed next to me. This is too fuck-ed* for me.
Leslie: Oh, god, oh.
Christopher: Ease, ease, easy, easy. Cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp. Fucking top five. That was... fucking top five.
Leslie: So what are you saying? Are you saying women have it easier than men?
Christopher: Look, all I'm saying is that you guys, women, have one certain luxury that us men just do not have.