FBI Agent Hendricks: Treasure hunter Ben Gates is on the news again.
Sadusky: What did he find now, Atlantis?
Riley Poole: We have thirty seconds to disable the alarm.
Ben Gates: Go.
[Ben and Riley break into a house and Riley disables the alarm]
Ben Gates: You did that in twenty-five seconds.
Riley Poole: That's why I tell people to get a dog.
Ben Gates: [as he's taking off his diving suit to reveal his tuxedo] Maybe one day I'll wear this to a party I'm actually invited to.
Emily Appleton: [as Ben is reaching into a rock] This could be a horrible trap.
Emily Appleton: Tell him it could be a horrible trap.
Patrick Gates: It could be a horrible trap.
Ben Gates: [Ben begins screaming in pain, everyone else recoils] Sorry couldn't resist.
Palace Guard Sholder: Sir. You and your missus, take it outside.
Ben Gates: Now look what you've done. You've brought the little bobbies down on us! You take the missus outside. I'm staying right here.
[rides down the banister like a kid and stopped by another guard]
Palace Guard Haggis: Good afternoon, sir.
Ben Gates: [in British accent] 'Ello.
Palace Guard Haggis: Been drinking, have we?
Ben Gates: Just a nip. Popped down to the pub for a pint. Bit of all right. Going to arrest a man for that? Going to detain a blighter for enjoying his whiskey?
Palace Guard Haggis: That's enough, sir.
Ben Gates: Bangers and mash. Bubbles and squeak. Smoked eel pie.
Palace Guard Haggis: Sir.
Ben Gates: Haggis!
Palace Guard Haggis: That's it. Dismount the banister.
Ben Gates: [shouting, singing] /I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts! / Here they are, standing in a row! / Small ones, big ones, some as big as your head! /
Riley Poole: That was brilliant.
Ben Gates: I'm gonna kidnap him. I'm gonna kidnap the President of the United States.
Riley Poole: Wouldn't it just have been easier to make an appointment?
Riley Poole: So let's recap: We've broken into Buckingham Palace, and the Oval Office, stolen a page from the President's super-secret book, and actually kidnapped the President of the United States. What are we gonna do next, short-sheet the Pope's bed?
Ben Gates: Well, you never know.
Riley Poole: [seeing several police pulling up to the building] Oh look. My tax dollars at work, coming to arrest me.
Riley Poole: The last time I checked, we make our living off crazy.
Riley Poole: [to Ben] Do you know what the taxes are on 5 million dollars? 6 million dollars.
Patrick Gates: The Statue of Liberty! But which one?
Riley Poole: Exactly. Wait is there more than one?
US President: Even if something like that really did exist, why do you think I would actually just give it to you?
Ben Gates: Because it will probably lead us to the discovery of the greatest Native-American treasure of all time; a huge piece of culture lost. You can give that history back to its descendants. And because you're the President of the United States, sir. Whether by innate character or the oath you took to defend the Constitution or the weight of history that falls upon you, I believe you to be an honorable man, sir.
US President: Gates, people don't believe that stuff anymore.
Ben Gates: They want to believe it.
Ben Gates: [in the service elevator, Ben is holding a bouquet of flowers] You're wearing the perfume I got you.
Abigail Chase: So?
Ben Gates: So I think it smells kind of pretty.
Abigail Chase: It's the flowers, Ben.
Ben Gates: [batting his eyelashes] No it's not.
Abigail Chase: Okay, I've been doing the math here, and...
Ben Gates: I know. One of us is going to have to stay behind.
Riley Poole: I've been doing the math too... just promise you'll come back for me.
[in a high pitched voice]
Riley Poole: Riley! No Riley! We won't leave you behind!
[back to his normal voice]
Riley Poole: No, I'm just kidding. Just go.
Ben Gates: [in security lock-up in Buckingham Palace] So when did you realize it was a fake argument?
Abigail Chase: When did you realize that I was actually arguing during the fake argument?
Ben Gates: Right in the middle there, at the part where I'm always wrong. Which I don't understand, because when I assume I'm right, and it turns out my assumption is correct, how is that wrong?
Abigail Chase: When you make a decision without asking me, and you *happen* to be right, you got lucky.
Ben Gates: [long pause] Well, I get lucky a lot.
US President: Did you get the chance to look at page 47?
Ben Gates: Yes, sir.
US President: And?
Ben Gates: I think I can help you with that, sir.
US President: So it's good?
Ben Gates: Life-altering, sir.
[Ben and the President walk of together]
Riley Poole: Page 47? Wait, are you talking about the book?
US President: Book? What book?
US President: The book exists, but you are now number one on the NSA, the CIA, and the FBI's most wanted list.
Ben Gates: [about to break into Buckingham Palace, unbeknownst to Abigail] I appreciate you trying to help, but it's kind of a bad time right now.
Abigail Chase: A bad time?
Ben Gates: It's a bad time.
Abigail Chase: I just flew all the way to England to help you, and...
Ben Gates: You're the one making a scene here.
Abigail Chase: I'm not making a scene!
Riley Poole: [over the mike] Wait, Ben, we *want* to make a scene...
Ben Gates: [screams at the top of his lungs] Well, fine! If that's how you want it, let's have it out right now!
Riley Poole: Ah, so subtle.
Riley Poole: [Riley gets his red Ferrari, now tax free, back] I love this car.
[starts it up and then accidentally backs into something]
Ben Gates: Riley, how fast can we get to Buckingham Palace?
Riley Poole: [sarcastically] I don't know, why don't you ask your new best friend.
Ben Gates: Before the Civil War, the states were all separate. People used to say "United States are." Wasn't until the war ended, people started saying "The United States is." Under Lincoln, we became one nation.
Patrick Gates: And Lincoln paid for it with his life.
Ben Gates: So did Thomas Gates.
Patrick Gates: Right.
Ben Gates: With his life.
Abigail Chase: [scoffs] Ah, come on, Riley. That's, that's urban legends.
Riley Poole: Is it Abigail? Is it?
Abigail Chase: It's just totally...
Riley Poole: Crazy?
Abigail Chase: Yeah!
Riley Poole: Hmmm, 'Cause the last time I checked, we pretty much make our living on "crazy."
Ben Gates: [reading the book] He's got a point.
Ben Gates: The past is filled with incredible mysteries. The clues to solving them are all around, hidden in plain sight. But this story begins with the most famous assassination in history. Abraham Lincoln's killer, John Wilkes Booth, kept a diary. A diary that was found the night Booth was killed, with 18 pages missing. Concealed in those pages is the key to something much, much bigger. A conspiracy that crosses the globe, and a discovery that the world isn't ready to believe.
Mitch Wilkinson: A man has only one life time. But history can remember you forever.
Riley Poole: [looking at the helicopter over head] Is that for us?
[spotlight trains on them]
Riley Poole: Oh, hello!
Sadusky: [to Ben] Your friend writes a book about government conspiricies and you think we don't know about it?
Patrick Gates: [speaking to Abigail while gesturing at Emily] She fell in love with me on a treasure hunt!
Emily Appleton: That was not love - that was excitement, adrenaline, and tequila! Besides, I needed the course credit.
Ben Gates: Someone else is after the treasure.
Riley Poole: Of course someone else is after the treasure. It's the axiom of treasure hunting.
Ben Gates: [about the clues] Calm down. I sent a picture of the plank to your cell phone.
Patrick Gates: [surprised] You can do that?
Ben Gates: Where's the phone?
Patrick Gates: I don't know son. I can't find anything in this mess.
Ben Gates: It's only temporary 'til I can find a new place.
Patrick Gates: Find the old one. I like her!
[after Ben and Abigail stage a disturbance in Buckingham Palace]
Riley Poole: That... was brilliant.
Ben Gates: [reading President's Secret Book] Here's the final entry by President Coolidge. "1924 - I found a plank in secret desk compartment. Plank photographed and then destroyed. Borglum commissioned to destroy landmarks in sacred Black Hills mountains."
Abigail Chase: Borglum... Mount Rushmore?
Ben Gates: He carved Mount Rushmore, to erase the map's landmarks, in order to protect the City of Gold.
Riley Poole: [muttering] Mount Rushmore was a cover-up.
Ben Gates: [thoughtful, looks at his hand] Surrender your hand to the heart of the warrior...
[prepares to stick his hand in]
Emily Appleton: Wait Ben, this could be a horrible trap.
Emily Appleton: Tell him this could be a horrible trap.
Patrick Gates: This could be a horrible trap.
Ben Gates: [sticks his hand in slowly and then screams. Starts laughing] I'm- I am sorry. I couldn't resist.
[Abigail pushes him]
Riley Poole: Look at it this way - in a hundred years, no one is gonna remember anyone involved in the Lincoln assassination besides Booth.
Ben Gates: That's not true. Do you know the expression "His name is mud?"
Riley Poole: Yes, of course.
Ben Gates: You do? Do you know the origin of the expression?
Riley Poole: Does anyone but you?
Ben Gates: Dr. Samuel Mudd was convicted of being a co-conspirator in the Lincoln assassination. The evidence was circumstantial, he was later pardoned, but it didn't matter. Mudd's name still lives in infamy, and I will not let Thomas Gates' name be mud.
Ben Gates: [after an argument with Lincoln Conspiracy Kid] What is going on with the education in America?
Sadusky: There is a book and it has the information you need. The President's Book of Secrets. A collection of documents for President's eyes only. The truth behind the JFK conspiracy. The missing minutes from the Watergate tapes. And of course, Area 51.
Ben Gates: It contains all of our nation's secrets. I need to see that book.
Sadusky: The only way you'll ever see that book is if you get elected President.
Ben Gates: This book can prove my grandfather's innocence.
By-Stander at Ford Theater: President Lincoln's been shot!
[as John Wilkes Booth is running away]
Mitch Wilkinson: Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, one of the missing pages of the diary of John Wilkes Booth.
Mitch Wilkinson: Your great-great granddaddy planned the assassination of President Lincoln.
Patrick Gates: It can't be.
Ben Gates: We cannot have him remembered as a conspirator in the assassination of the man that brought this nation together.
Ben Gates: All I need is a few minutes with the President.
Abigail Chase: The Secret Service is never gonna leave you alone with the President.
Ben Gates: Well, you never know.
Ben Gates: [to the President] This symbol designates the secret tunnel that will lead us to the greatest treasure of all time.
Palace Guard Haggis: Sir, please dismount the banister.
Riley Poole: [while trying to convince them of a conspiracy theory] Ben, if it were you trying to convince me, you'd have less evidence and I'd already believe you by now.
US President: [Ben, Riley, Abigail and company have discovered the City of Gold] All of you will get credit for this discovery.
Ben Gates: Thank you.
Abigail Chase: Thank you.
Riley Poole: [nervously] Heh...
Abigail Chase: So, the tea tables?
Ben Gates: Yes, I was going to have the movers bring them to you next week.
Abigail Chase: Actually, I was going to say you could keep them. And maybe you could come and move back in with me?
Ben Gates: No, you used the word "so."
Abigail Chase: So?
Ben Gates: So when you say "so" it means you're angry.
Abigail Chase: Sometimes. And then sometimes it doesn't. It's sort of like a puzzle. And you're so good at puzzles I'm sure you'll figure it out. So.
Abigail Chase: Just because you may know what my answer is going to be, doesn't mean you don't have to ask me.
Riley Poole: Mitch, we gotta be on the other side of that door!
Mitch Wilkinson: Nobody leaves unless I say so! That doors not going to stay open by itself. We both know what has to happen here Ben.
Ben Gates: One of us keeps the door open, and stays behind.
Riley Poole: I vote Mitch!
Mitch Wilkinson: This isn't a democracy.
[Mitch punches Ben and Riley in the face then holds a knife to Abigails' throat]
Ben Gates: Wait! Stop! I'll stay!
Patrick Gates: [after being told the clues] The resolute desk. *The* resolute desk? The President's desk?
Riley Poole: [nervously] The President? Which President? Our President?
Abigail Chase: [sighing] Unfortunately, yes.
Riley Poole: [still nervous] But that means, so we have to... the White House?
Ben Gates: The Oval Office, to be exact.
Patrick Gates: [beat] Why would I overreact to that?
Riley Poole: So, what's new with you?
Ben Gates: Well, my girlfriend kicked me out, I'm living with my dad, and my family killed President Lincoln.
Riley Poole: All right.
Patrick Gates: What is it about treasure that makes history so fascinating?
Ben Gates: [underground in the Hall of Records in Mt. Rushmore] Riley, what do you see?
Riley Poole: [balancing on the giant over turned engraved slab, looking down at an open grave] Death and despair! Mostly death. Uh, I mean a little despair, the last few seconds. But then a hard, sudden death.
Emily Appleton: All this doesn't involve another treasure hunt, does it?
Ben Gates: Oh, no...
Emily Appleton: And so it begins, another Gates family quest.
Emily Appleton: You're a treasure hunter, aren't you?
Mitch Wilkinson: I'm just a man, trying to make his mark on history.
Ben Gates: [about the book he is reading] This doesn't make any sense.
Riley Poole: [beat] As if these clues ever do.
Riley Poole: [Riley and Ben are standing by Abigail and her date] Awkward!
Riley Poole: [while disarming the security systems] Now I know I'll probably regret asking this, but what happened with you and Abigail?
Ben Gates: I don't know, you know? I don't know. She started using the word "so" alot.
Riley Poole: So?
Ben Gates: [continues] Yeah, like "so, I guess my opinion doesn't matter", "so, you seem to always know what's best", "SO, I guess I'm invisible" and now I've moved out, and we're dividing the furniture.
Riley Poole: [finishes the deactivation] Women. Can't live with 'em, especially if they change the alarm codes.
Riley Poole: [over hearing Ben and Abigail's argument] You guys are so great together.
Ben Gates: [Riley comes walking home] Where's the Ferrari?
Riley Poole: IRS impounded it.
Ben Gates: The IRS?
Riley Poole: Funny story. My accountant set up a corporation on an island that didn't exist and assured me that that's how rich people do it. Then I got audited and slapped with a huge fine plus interest! Wanna know what taxes are on five millions dollars? Six million dollars. But enough about me.
Riley Poole: What's new with you?
Ben Gates: Well, my girlfriend kicked me out, I'm living with my dad and my family killed President Lincoln.
Riley Poole: [with a smile] Alright!
Ben Gates: I need your help.
Patrick Gates: [talking to Ben about Wilkinson] You've got to find where that leads before they do!