|Page 1 of 9:||        |
|Index||82 reviews in total|
200 out of 211 people found the following review useful:
How to whip up an Ulli Lommel Special..., 5 February 2007
Author: The_End_of_Summer from Sam's Town
In order to make an Ulli Lommel Special, you will need the following
- 10-15 "actors" picked randomly from a variety of high school and community college drama programs (preferably ones dismissed for utter lack of talent)
- 1 part German wooden lead to stumble through English dialogue
- 1 abandoned warehouse to house all sets (police station with blatantly exposed sewage pipes clearly indicating it is shot in boiler room, apartment that looks like Ikea show room, furniture store whose door remains open all times of day despite lack of presence of staff or security team)
- 1/4 gallon of white paint (will not be enough to paint walls within camera range in said warehouse)
- 1 part crew man's accidental and blatant reflection in mirror
- 1 part stolen soundtrack song from THE EXORCIST (to be repeatedly used)
- Multiple parts flashback of fat bald man getting spanked
- 1 part clone of Parker Posey
- 1 part random FIGHT CLUB-ish scene where two men fist fight and fall into strategically placed cardboard boxes while friends and family shout encouragement, only never to be mentioned again
- 2 cameras; one digital that shoots in good quality, one amateur home video camera that is glaring opposite to other camera
- 1/4 teaspoon of black make-up (apply generously; black make-up under eyes will encompass ALL zombie make-up)
- 3 parts lighting equipment to be blatantly captured in shot in every police station scene
- 1 part terribly out of place, unnoticed, non-utilized gong, placed in very fake police station
- 0 parts script supervisor
- 1 part audacity to use MARATHON MAN homage (in nonsensical way)
- 1 part random businessman that waits out in middle of woods to make business deals via cell phone, only to become fodder for zombie girls (who then steal car)
- 1 part mechanic who takes out penis behind door as zombie girls approach
- 1 part fake bloody penis
- 1 part hope that you won't realize Uli didn't bother to write out the hero who disappears halfway through the movie due to real-life hospital visit
- 0 parts logic
- 6 parts zombie girls to wear said black make-up under eyes up with no other make-up effects to be seen (except for continuity-be-damned close ups in mirrors)
- Multiple parts suspension of disbelief (cop takes offending woman to warehouse, partner waits outside, cop comes back out sans woman but with giant body-sized duffel bag, partner is not suspicious)
- 1 part completely ludicrous ending
Take all said ingredients and throw haphazardly against wall. Hope it sticks. Take generous portion, swallow with grimace as Ulli Lommel rips money from your pockets, laughs maniacally.
128 out of 142 people found the following review useful:
I wanted a Stupid Movie..., 29 December 2006
Author: gmannino13 from United States
Wow. I went to the video store tonight because I was in the mood for a
bad B Horror movie and I found this Gem. I looked at the cover and I
thought it looked like just the movie for my mood. I brought it home
and put it on.
This movie was not the B Horror movie that I had in mind. This was MUCH worse. I wanted a bad movie but what I got, I didn't know that crap like this existed amongst man. This movie seemed like a 5 year old wrote and directed it and that is being nice about it.
I am an aspiring director and this movie made me so mad that someone out there is actually paying this guy to direct movies. He needs to work at a garbage dump shoveling crap where he belongs.
If you are thinking about renting this or buying it. I will tell you the same thing that I would tell someone getting ready to commit suicide. "DON'T DO IT, IT'S NOT WORTH IT!" I really have nothing nice to say about this movie. DON'T DO IT!
122 out of 135 people found the following review useful:
This is the worst movie i have ever seen, 22 December 2006
Author: burnhamlv1 from United States
I honestly want the last 30 minuets of my life back.
The only person that is fit to watch this movie is Helen Keller I kept saying to myself this has to get better this has to get better.
Then the zombies finally showed up and they had some raccoon paint on there eyes.
They talked like regular people.
One drove a car.
Some voodoo woman asked what one of the "Zombies" wanted and the " zombie" said ( I want to Dance)
( THAT WAS IT) Out came the movie I couldn't take it any longer Can I sue for a ½ hour of my life?????
74 out of 85 people found the following review useful:
Crap? Doesn't even begin to express it!, 31 December 2006
Author: mixedblood74 from United States
I have made it my personal mission to go after those responsible for
this film. I even got the rental company to give me my money back
because I argued that they perpetrated false advertising.
It's not enough that the movie itself is a p.o.s., but the cover art is what sold me. I've done better make-up effects on my children at Halloween than what the movie actually depicts versus the cover art. Can you say "raccoon eyes?"
I'm not going to waste more of my time by going into the full details, but come on, the movie's main character is an L.A. cop who was born and raised in Alabama - but has a German accent!?! It's beyond insulting.
60 out of 64 people found the following review useful:
Misleading Box, 11 January 2007
This is one of the worst films ever. I like cheesy movies but this is
simply awful. Where are the images in the film that are on the box? I
think more money was spent on the DVD box illustrations than on the
Why would a company release a DVD that the cover is so misleading? I feel like such an idiot for renting this movie based strictly on the box. As much as I explore IMDb I should have done a little research and made a list prior to visiting my local video rental store. I have no one to blame except myself. I want my money and time back.
DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE.
Even if curiosity is motivating you, stick cocktail umbrellas in your eyes instead. It will be much more enjoyable. You have been warned!
53 out of 56 people found the following review useful:
what the f#%$ did i just watch?, 3 January 2007
Author: rondeaj from United States
i've discovered that this film gets rented based off of the packaging. the zombie on the front of the DVD looks cool and scary. then you get to the movie and it's women with raccoon masks on. zero special effects...and even the fight scenes you can see them miss punches by 2 feet. the funny thing is that Lommel acts in the movie briefly himself and is worse than the rest of the crap actors in the movie. the only thing i can think is that Lommel is just trying to make such a bad film that people dub it a "cult classic"...however, i can't possibly imagine anyone thinking this is anything but one of the worst movies ever made. the real horror in this film is how bad it is. i'm embarrassed i rented it and vow never to see another Lommel film again!
49 out of 51 people found the following review useful:
Makes House of the Dead look like Dawn of the Dead, 7 November 2007
Author: TheThirteenthMan from London, England
Every year I watch hundreds of films, including many low budget
amateurish straight-to-DVD abominations that nobody in their right mind
would ever want to see. I have seen thousands of films in my time, many
excellent, many forgettable. Zombie Nation I will remember forever as
one of the most hopelessly laughable 'horror' films I have ever seen
in fact I still haven't recovered from the experience of watching it.
The day after, it seems like some kind of weird dream. Did I really see what I thought I saw? Why do the police work out of a warehouse? Did the voodoo priestesses really recommend that the 'zombies' eat cheeseburgers? Is it safe? Is it safe? Is it safe?
I wouldn't recommend Zombie Nation if you want to see a 'good' film, and neither would I recommend it as 'so bad its good'. However, if you are entertained by the prospect of watching probably the most indefensibly abysmal film ever this is for you. Now, whenever anyone asks me what the worst film I have ever seen is, I will say Zombie Nation.
Seriously I think it's a greater crime to make a boring film than a bad one, and Ulli Lommel deserves credit for producing a film that actually stuns you with its ineptitude. He really is the Ed Wood Jr. of the digital age, and I for one can't wait to see if he makes another film as consistently ridiculous as this one.
39 out of 41 people found the following review useful:
Can a movie get less than 0 stars? If so this is it., 30 December 2006
Author: maniacus from United States
Horrible acting, Bad story line, cheesy makeup, and this is just the tip of the iceberg. I have never seen a worse movie in my life, 5 minutes in I decided to fast forward to see if anything redeeming would happen... It didn't. (Aside from a nice breast shot) The movie apparently was filmed in some furniture warehouse, and the same warehouse was used for at least 90% of the sets. You even see this same red chair in several different "locations" If you are going to make a film at least rent an office building and an apartment, not some warehouse which will echo all your actor's dialog.. (Note to producers) Renting a small office space and an apartment for a month is much cheaper than an entire warehouse, and both are quite a bit more versatile and believable) If you spend your money to rent this people I hope you got it with a return guarantee... You will be demanding your money back... I only spent $2.99 to rent this tonight and I feel ripped off.
42 out of 48 people found the following review useful:
The worst ever, 20 December 2006
Author: TheGOLDENWALRUS from United States
BTK Killer, Green River Killer, Zodiac Killer; the man keeps putting
out absolute garbage and the ironic thing is, he loves his crap.
I've never seen a Ulli Lommel film but I was so amazed on how everyone thinks his stuff is so awful. Like the movies I said in the beginning don't even equal a six when added together! After reading the comments I was curious to see how bad this guy really is. He is the worst out there.
The credits wouldn't end as the pathetic movie started and quickly I noticed that the audio was incredibly badly dubbed in. The acting was incredibly awful and same to the camera shots. The editing is easily the worst. This movie made no sense and I unbearably couldn't take it anymore as it wouldn't end and I was only 45 minutes in the movie. I couldn't take it anymore. I wasted 45 minutes of my life.
DO NOT WATCH THIS CRAP!
43 out of 51 people found the following review useful:
awful movie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, 2 January 2007
Author: sweeteezz from United States
This movie was by far the worst movie that I have ever seen in my
entire life. I'm not even kidding. It was poorly made and the actors
couldn't act. It was a waste of my time and money. It looked like a
movie that my friends and I could have put together on our own. The
case the movie came in is definitely a disguise. Nothing in the movie
looks like the zombie on the front of the case. It appears that the
director or make-up artist has just put black eye liner under someones
eyes an called them a zombie. The credits at the beginning of the movie
take up almost 20 minutes of the movie. Which watching the credits was
the best part of the movie. This was honestly an awful movie and I
couldn't believe how badly it was put together. Scenes jumped from one
thing to the other and sometimes u were like "whats going on?" The
audio was awful and the action shots looked like a couple of teen's
joking around making a fake fight scene.
IF you are considering renting or buying this movie I would advise you to at least watch the trailer for it because it show's how awful it truly is. I wish i would have watched it before i rented it.
|Page 1 of 9:||        |
|Ratings||External reviews||Parents Guide|
|Official site||Plot keywords||Main details|
|Your user reviews||Your vote history|