School for Scoundrels (2006)
Dr. P: How many of you have self-help books? Okay, that's your first problem. You can't help yourself, because your *self* sucks!
Dr. P: This is not a goddamn Tony Robbins seminar. If you're looking for "Chicken Soup for the Soul," get the hell outta here!
Lonnie: Why is everybody gotta be so freakin' stupid these days?
Ian: Roger, I used to be just like you. But look at me now, I'm awesome! I run this entire place. I'm dating TWO Asian chicks!
Dr. P: There are two kinds of men in the world: those who run shit, like me, and those who eat shit, like you.
Dr. P: [to the class] If that's why you're here, then just get the fuck outta here.
Becky: Congratulations, you are fat. Would you like a fat medal?
Lesher: Manila. Dr. P specifically said manila. This is off-white.
Lesher: Sorry doesn't make it manila.
Eli: [when he grabs his paintball gun] It says here that the shooter must maintain a 100-yard distance from target.
Dr. P: [shoots Eli in the chest] Anyone else wanna read their gun?
Lesher: [during date-training, after Walsh whistles] Keep whistling and I'll bite those lips right off your goddamn face!
Dr. P: Every once in a while, a shepherd has to pluck a sheep from the heard and challenge him. It lets the man know he's worthy of leading him.
Roger: Well, you know what? I don't want to be a shepherd anymore!
Dr. P: You're not the shepherd, DUMB ASS, I'm the shepherd! Its called an analogy, moron!
Roger: Look, you dont understand. Everything was going so well between us.
Dr. P: Well, clearly I'm sure you're just days away from adopting a Chinese kid together.