Moskow police detective Andrei Somov resigns and emigrates from Russia, but has to accept a menial job in a restaurant while his adolescent son and pregnant daughter-in-law are denied exit ...
See full summary »
Moskow police detective Andrei Somov resigns and emigrates from Russia, but has to accept a menial job in a restaurant while his adolescent son and pregnant daughter-in-law are denied exit visa's. 'Andy' does however get to know some LAPD cops after volunteering his expertise and Russian language skills and is sent to Tijuana to fetch cheap tiles. On that Mexican journey Somov bumps into coyote Larry, another ethnic Russian but US citizen, who lost his daughter years ago and now helps illegal families enter the States. His present client, arrogant Russian Lena, haughtily presumes to know everything better but is always wrong, yet he takes pity on her daughter. Meanwhile the LAPD takes medium Michael March seriously about a mad bomber who targets pharmaceutical companies and got a bad feeling with and envelop held by Larry. It all ties in. Written by
I hesitated on giving this title a rating quite so low as this given that it did entertain and I thought perhaps it could gain some points for being so awful that it was good but really I can't truthfully say that it was good in any way. It was able to keep me watching whilst suffering from insomnia and with nothing else on TV a 2 am but I don't think that's a great claim to fame, I guess the hook - the watch-ability factor - for this title comes from trying to see if it really is serious. Of course one figures out after about 45 minutes that this obviously really is the plot and look they were going for, and there really isn't going to be a great comedic reveal; but somehow you just can't shake the feeling it's supposed to some sort of post-modern reflexive irony or something. I found myself eagerly watching every minute to see when the real movie would begin. In case you hadn't guessed from the review's tone, that moment never came.
Given how poorly detailed the plot synopsis is, and the fact that everywhere else on the internet everyone has merely copy and pasted the same similar synopsis, you'll have trouble figuring out what this is about but don't worry because if you actually did watch this you still wouldn't know. There is a quiet sense of awe with this film, a kind of confusion and bewilderment, you just can't quite believe that someone actually WROTE this, or that everyone who starred in it, must have read at least some of it to know their lines, or that a producer read it and thought it would be a good idea, and not only that, but actually got as far as filming it, acting it out, hiring crew and spending 10 MILLION DOLLARS?!?!? I mean how could such serious, pre-meditated and prolonged insanity occur in the minds of so many people simultaneously? It's a bit like some kind of mass hysteria that lasted for the entire length of the production process, were they held at gun point or something? The only idea that makes sense to me as to how this 'mess' could, somehow accidentally, materialise is that one day, ONE guy sat down and watched as many episodes of days of our lives, and the young and the restless and Baywatch as he possibly could and casually wondered whether or not a person could actually make a whole feature length film by re-editing a decade's worth of disparate and unrelated clips. The result was this.... every cut is odd and doesn't make sense or fit with the preceding, each 'scene' is questionable with regard to any idea of a plot or cohesion, all the actors look like they are improvising, or someone just handed them a script 10 minutes prior. You can imagine how difficult and awkward such a scenario would be for a normal film, but picture that same scenario for a film with a plot that doesn't make any sense, "you got 10 minutes to look like you're taking this seriously...and ACTION!" I almost feel sorry for those actors and the difficulty of the task they were given but sadly, truthfully they probably got ample time to realise this film should never have gotten to production and still went ahead with it and probably even rehearsed the terrible performances.
To give one positive, Yekaterina Rednikova, a Russian actor who as a western audience member I've never seen before, is incredibly good looking and it almost doesn't matter how terrible the film is, you can just not hear and block out completely the awful dialogue and get lost in her eyes, I hope she shows up in something better than this that I'll likely see sometime in the future because, DAMN!
2 of 2 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful to you?