How I Met Your Mother (2005– )
Barney: It's gonna be legend-... wait for it... and I hope you're not lactose intolerant because the second half of that word is DAIRY!
Barney: It's gonna be legen... wait for it... dary!
Ted: You're not... Moby, are you?
Not Moby: Who?
Ted: The recording artist, Moby.
Not Moby: Oh, no.
Ted: Then why, when we said "Hey, Moby" did you come over here?
Not Moby: Oh, I thought you said Tony.
Ted: So your name's Tony?
Not Moby: No.
Barney: Think of me like Yoda, but instead of being little and green I wear suits and I'm awesome. I'm your bro-I'm Broda!
Barney: Ted, tonight we're gonna go out. We're gonna meet some ladies, it's gonna be *legendary*. Phone-five!
Barney: You didn't phone-five, did you?
Barney: I know when you don't phone-five Ted.
Lily: [Lily sees Barney hitting on Claudia] Oh, hell. No!
[grabs Barney by the ear and yanks him away from Claudia]
Lily: Claudia is getting married tomorrow and so help me God if I catch you even so much as breathing the same air as her I will take those peanuts you're trying to pass off as testicles and I will squeeze them so hard until your eyes pop out and then I'll feed them to you like grapes.
Barney: [confused] Wait... my eyes? Or my testicles?
Lily: [pause, thinks about it] One of each!
Barney: Ted, your problem is all you do is think, think, think. I'm teaching you how to do, do, do.
Barney: [chuckles] Totally.
[repeated during Barney's play to get back at Lily]
Ted: So, who are we picking up?
Barney: I dunno... her? Or maybe her...
Ted: Wait, so when you said we were going to pick someone up at the airport, you meant we were going to *pick someone up* at the airport?
Ted: You're kidding!
Marshall: I'm not a gay pirate, I have sex with my parrot all the time!
[there is an awkward silence]
Marshall: OK, that came out wrong.
Barney: It's going to be legendary!
Ted: Don't say that! You're too liberal with the word "legendary".
[flashback to Barney standing at Ted's door in snow gear with a shovel]
Barney: We're building an igloo in Central Park! It's going to be legendary! Snow-suit up!
Ted: I'm gonna do what that guy couldn't, I'm gonna take the plunge... Well, I guess that's not a perfect metaphor since... for me it's falling in love and for him it's... death.
Barney: Actually, that is a perfect metaphor.
Ted: [whenever Marshall and Lily talk about having sex] Please don't.
Ted: Can we maybe scoop stuffing for a while?
Barney: You wanna scoop stuffing on your first day?
[sarcastically makes phone with his hands and holds it to his ear]
Barney: Hello, NFL, can I be quarterback next Sunday?
Marshall: I think we're going to wait on the baby thing. I mean I love babies. Babies rule. Pudgy arms and stuff. But, uh, they make you old. Kinda like this anchor weighing you down to one spot... forever.
Claire: I'm three months pregnant.
Marshall: [surprised] Not awkward, guys. Not awkward if we don't let it be awkward.
[nervously smiles, then walks away]
Ted: Hey Barney, see that girl?
Barney: Ohhh yeah, you just know she likes it dirty!
Marshall: A drumroll? So what? that's it? You just said good night, went home and... performed the drum solo?
Lily: [Being handed a drink at the Farhampton Inn] Thank you, Linus.
Barney: What's that left hand? Right hand suck? Word!
Lily: You're playing hockey. With a basketball... and tennis rackets?
Marshall: It's BaskIceball, the greatest game ever. We invented it. it's Awesome!
Lily: Wait, BaskIceball? shouldn't it be Iceketball?
Marvin Eriksen Sr.: Ice... Ket... ball? that just sounds weird.
Marcus Eriksen: The game is BaskIceball. And I'm the best.
Lily: Well, maybe that's just cause you haven't seen *me* play.
[Lily throws the basketball to Marcus who throws it back to Marshall]
Marshall: Well, it's not exactly a sport for girls.
Lily: Well, that's funny cause your brother throws like a girl!
[Lily throws the ball back to Marcus]
Lily: [Marcus throws the ball hard and hits Lily in the face]
Ted: At least someone appreciates the fact that I am doing and not thinking.
Ted: And now, I don't think I won't not go to the bathroom.