"Celebrity Love Island" (2005) TV series 2005-????

User Rating:

2.1/10   

Director:

Simon Staffurth

Seasons:

1 | 2

Release Date:

16 May 2005 (UK)

Genre:

Reality-TV | Romance

Plot:

12 Z-list celebrity, famed in the UK for their sexual behavior, are being put together on a paradise island in Fiji where the viewers can see them hopefully copulate.

Plot Keywords:

Non Fiction

Cast

Patrick Kielty	...	Presenter / ... (5 episodes, 2005-2006)
Fearne Cotton	...	Herself - Presenter / ... (4 episodes, 2006)
Sophie Anderton	...	Herself / ... (4 episodes, 2006)
Christopher Brosnan	...	Himself (4 episodes, 2006)
Kelle Bryan	...	Herself (4 episodes, 2006)
Brendan Cole	...	Himself (4 episodes, 2006)
Bianca Gascoigne	...	Herself (4 episodes, 2006)
Shane Lynch	...	Himself (4 episodes, 2006)
Lee Otway	...	Himself (4 episodes, 2006)
Colleen Shannon	...	Herself (4 episodes, 2006)
Paul Danan	...	Himself (3 episodes, 2005-2006)
Lady Victoria Hervey	...	Herself (3 episodes, 2006)
Alicia Douvall	...	Herself (2 episodes, 2006)
Emma Ryan	...	Herself (2 episodes, 2006)
Eve Ryan	...	Herself (2 episodes, 2006)
Steve-O	...	Himself (2 episodes, 2006)

Also Known As:

Love Island (UK) (second season title)

Runtime:

UK:90 min (including commercials)

Country:

UK

Language:

English

Color:

Color

Aspect Ratio:

1.78 : 1

Sound Mix:

Stereo

Filming Locations:

Armstrong Island, Fiji

Company:

Granada Television

Trivia:

On Season Two's opening night, Love Island achieved 3.2 million viewers. It was beaten by a BBC rerun of Only Fools and Horses (4.1 million) and Channel 4's Big Brother (4.3 million), despite it's attempt to knock Big Brother out of the ratings by using the same time-slot.

Movie Connections:

Referenced in "Extras: David Bowie (#2.2)" (2006)

Good riddance!

This may rank as one of the low points in the history of British TV;12 "celebrities" are flown off to some exotic tropical Island to see if there is any mutual attraction with each other,hopefully leading to sexual attraction.The word "celebrity" once had rather more respectful meaning for most of the 20th Century;mainly with those who had achieved fame because they deserved it,through endless hard work and great ability at their chosen field.In the 21st Century,particularly in the UK,it is now mostly associated with tawdry,dislikable,intractably pointless excuses for human beings most interested in seeing their names in equally reprehensible tabloid newspapers or c_______ magazines.(You notice I've blanked that word beginning with "c" out.To me,it's becoming far more offensive than all other profane Anglo-Saxon expletives combined)

And so it was that ITV,one of Britain's main terrestrial TV stations,decided to inflict this unbelievably awful dross for two seasons.And even more disgracefully,at peak viewing times.The young males and females displayed were attractive in a slightly superficial manner,but all hopes of anything else you would want from a good TV programme (i.e. character-filled or funny personalities,great entertainment,interesting incident,etc.) was doomed from the nano-second it began.And any hopes of seeing any dirty deeds between the contestants produced instant disappointment;maybe everyone involved knew their lucrative pay cheques would've bounced like a ping-pong ball if they had indulged in the most basic of human behaviour.

If such happenings had taken place and been seen by the viewing public,some people may have at least had a sense of personal gratification;as it was,even in heavily edited form,we witnessed a mind-numbingly dreary waste of air space,with individuals who were mostly so self-absorbed,vacuous or brutally annoying that frustrated viewers like myself wished the title had been changed to C________ DROWNING,where you could phone in to nominate every day which seedy,resistible member of this motley crew could be thrown in the nearby Ocean and just left to flounder,thereby ensuring we would hopefully never have to watch people like this in shows like this again.

To describe the list of people who took part in these two series as "Z" list is not accurate;if any person one day finds a new letter (or letters) to come after "Z",then that will be clearly apt.Currently,there are 26 letters in the English alphabet;if we ever get to the 1,000th,then you'll have reached that trough as far as this programme is concerned.

Who were the worst offenders? With so much competition,it is so difficult,but Paul Danan,desperate enough to star in both series,is the nominal winner;so amazingly smug and irritating that even a prostitute he's just paid £1,000,000 would think twice about associating with him,but he's closely followed by Abi Titmuss (notorious for her lascivious public image,but curiously reticent here,maybe because of pound signs in her eyes),Alicia Douvall(grubby groupie),Calum Best(tenth-rate playboy and a poor imitation of his late father George,but minus the peerless footballing talent),and Sophie Anderton.Yes,the ex-cokey model blubbed,scowled,sneered and caterwauled all her way out of our hearts,though she may have been the reason why TV bosses concluded that even this awful spectacle went below the lowest common denominator.By the second series,even the "C" word was dropped as the producers were reduced to persuading the stepsons and stepdaughters of actors and footballers to non-entertain us all.As for who won,well who cares? I know that deep down nobody won in the end;the losers were the British viewing public,and the producers who most probably spent several million pounds on this amazingly pointless drivel,which could have been better used on genuinely talented actors,writers and directors,making worthwhile programmes.Now that it's cancelled,will TV bosses spend similar amounts on the former,or more "reality" shows? I'm afraid I'm dreading to think....

RATING:1 out of 10.