Simon Says (2006)
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I saw this VERY FUN and gory movie last night at a preview screening at Austin's Fantastic Fest with a full auditorium of horror movie freaks. We had a GREAT time hooting and hollering at all the splattery fun.
Simon Says stars Crispin Glover as twins with a HEAVY Southern accent (think Sheriff J. W. Pepper in "Live And Let Die"). Crispin's performance, while creepy, unique, and striking - as is his wont - is flawed in the over-emphasis of his slack-jawed accent. But it does give his character some...ummm...character.
The plot is a slasher involving (among others) 5 college students who stumble across Glover's neck of the woods whilst seeking the typical river-side debauchery in the wilderness.
This is a funny movie. Usually intentionally so, sometimes not...however, the greatest thing about this movie is the kills. Nearly every kill involves the prodigious use of one, two, or even as much as twenty pick-axes. The most awesome one being the very first camper to get caught in the woods. We see her later on in a deliciously twisted reveal that had us absolutely ROARING! The entire auditorium busted a gut at how that one ended up. The rest were quite entertaining and creative as well.
So, check it out in the theater and have some fun with it.
Written & directed by William Dear I think this was intended as a throwback to the slasher films of the 70's & 80's, I am sort of in two minds about it to be honest. The script takes a little while to get going but doesn't seem to take itself too seriously & models itself on your typical Friday the 13th (1980) rip-off with a bunch of teens running around the woods being sliced & diced by some maniacal killer, in that respect it's predictable & unoriginal but I sort of felt the makers knew this & just decided to have a bit of fun with the genre & the clichés rather than try to change a tried, tested & popular formula. I mean if it ain't broke don't fix it, right? I must admit I'm a big fan of exploitative, gory mindless slasher flicks if they are done right & I have to say for the most part I throughly enjoyed Simon Says. However, the slasher flick is an extremely limited & crowed sub genre that has little scope for imagination & a fairly rigid plot structure which filmmakers can't do a lot with, I mean one slasher film is pretty much exactly the same as the next with some bland victims gathered together usually in some isolated location purely to be killed off. That's the main problem with Simon Says really, it's nothing new or original & if you don't like slasher films then Simon Says will do nothing to help change your opinion but if you do like a good slasher then in my opinion Simon Says is certainly one of the better efforts I've seen from recent times but when you compare it to crap like The Legend of Bloody Jack (2007) that isn't saying that much. The character's are OK, the dialogue is decent & the killer is suitably crazy although I don't understand who the woman on horseback was as it's never explained. Keep watching as the end credits roll as after they finish there is a few more seconds which answers a question or two you may have.
Director Dear does a fine job & Simon Says is much better looking than most recent shot on a camcorder type horror flicks that litter video shelves & turn up on obscure cable TV channels. There is also a very pleasing amount of gore although it takes about 35 minutes to kick in, lots of people are impaled on pick-axes, there's plenty of blood, severed limbs, mangled bodies, hangings, a fish is gutted, fingers are chopped off with a huge meat cleaver, there are burnt corpses & a cool scene where two paint-ballers are literally sliced to pieces by a huge spinning cylinder of spikes. My hat also goes off to the filmmakers for putting a scene in which show's the 'cute' little white poodle dog being stamped on & literally exploding! The special effects are very good with plenty of on set gore effects & fake blood rather than awful CGI computer effects which are thankfully kept to a minimum. Simon/Stanley also has a catapult type machine which fires pick-axes everywhere, I was thinking I wish I had one as I'd soon sort my a-hole neighbours out then! Having said that I bet it costs them a fortune in pick-axes...
With a supposed budget of about $3,000,000 this is really well made by what looks like professionals, the cinematography is nice & mercifully the makers decided to keep the annoying MTV type effects down so no shaky hand held crap! Simon Says actually looks rather nice, it has a few stylish scenes & is well made, it's surprising & nice to actually see a very recently made independent horror flick with good production values. The acting is alright if not spectacular but why are so many of the cast related? Robyn Lively is the son of Ernie Lively while Lori & Blake Lively are his daughter's, Max & Michael Moody are brother's, Adam, Bart & Brad Johnson are all brother's as well & I wouldn't be surprised if Leila Johnson is also related to them & Chad & Chris Cunningham are brother's.
Simon Says is a fun little well made slasher flick with some nice gore, it takes a while to get started but overall I rather enjoyed it. It passed 90 odd minutes harmlessly enough for me. If you don't like slasher flicks then avoid it like the plague but if you do like them then this is certainly one of the better ones I've seen from recent years.
"Simon Says" is another absurd and stupid slasher that follows the style of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre", "Wrong Turn" and other films of this sub-genre of horror. Crispin Glover performs an annoying character that keeps saying "and you forgot to say Simon says" (even in the end of the credits). But the most irritating in this story is the ability and invulnerability of his undestroyable character. My vote is three.
Title (Brazil): "Siga o Mestre" ("Follow the Master")
Good news is that it has got a spark of creativity, i.e. some of the scenes/effects were way beyond my expectation like one with a dog, and with flying blonde. Brutal, cold blooded, blunt, not too detailed - right to what it should be.
Well, simply avoid this Simon unless you are a horror fan with some exploratory streak.
Slither was a movie that was over the top and kinda stupid, but all with this tongue in cheek kind a way. Simon Say's is to straight forward simple to give me the same feeling. It's all about butchering people with pickaxes. It starts and it never ends. Dogs are being splattered and so on. It is gross, not funny because it is too simple. Killing people with pickaxes is not funny after 6 times. And that Crispin Glover dude. He seems to have a career in these movies, a cult figure so to speak. A guy who refuses a role in Back to the future II and sues Steven Spielberg is an extraordinary guy. But this is an extraordinary bad movie.
Simon (Crispin Glover) owns a store in the middle of nowhere that sells nothing. He has an apparent affinity for pick-axes, with dozens adorning the walls of his shed/store. Whenever he comes across other humans, he sports his best retard voice and begins asking goofy questions. No matter the reply, he grins stupidly, mumbles "you forgot to say 'Simon says'", and then proceeds to kill everyone in the scene.
The characters take on the most banal forms of teen stereotyping. There's a stoner dude, a meat head jock, a prudish Asian, and two rank-and-file sluts. None of them contributes anything of significance to the story. The dialog is contrived and forced. The actors might as well be reading from cue-cards. Rent any porno and you're likely to find stronger performances.
One neat twist is that the laws of physics do not apply within a 1-mile radius of Simon's store. Axes have infinite momentum. Some people can jump and change direction in mid-air. Others can magically teleport into charred corpses.
Simon's many strange catapults, which he can reload at the speed of light, rain an impossible number of axes down on his victims. His single-ax launcher is extraordinarily precise, piercing the chest of a perfectly useless character from more than 100 yards away.
There is no actual plot. Just a bunch of sterile characters being killed in impossible ways by an aspiring loon.
There are attempts at humor. None work. By the end of the movie, I realized the joke was on me.
Grade: F Avoid at all costs.
I wasn't sure what to think of Simon Says at first. I really thought I was going to like it, but I couldn't have been more wrong about myself and this so-called Horror flick. I've seen my share of 'B' movies, but this one was the epitome of one and it stereotyped Horror (80's Horror at that) almost to a tee - the stoner, the promiscuous chick, the nerd and the couple.
There is not one positive thing I can say about Simon Says, other than thank God for On Demand, so I don't have to worry about having a cheesy DVD collection of Horror movies.
On the face of it, Simon Says might sound like standard, teen-friendly slasher farea bunch of good-looking college kids (three blokes, three babes) go camping in the woods where they are hunted by a murderous psycho with a large collection of very sharp implementsbut it actually proves to be a truly one-of-a-kind experience, a seriously insane effort boasting an unexpectedly off-the-wall style, inventive graphic violence, and an unrestrained central performance from Crispin Glover that can only be described as 'unique'.
With writer/director William Dear taking such an unusual approach, and it's eccentric star acting even stranger than normal, it's understandable that many might not find this film to their taste; but if, like me, you enjoy your horror erratic and decidedly twisted, then Simon Says, with its flying pick-axe, poodle stomping splatter, should prove a satisfying watch.
7.5 out of 10, happily rounded up to 8 for a very daft but extremely entertaining showdown that sees the heroine opt for a rather unlikely hiding place.
Bloody murders and many gruesome images. A freaky finale to give you something to think about. Glover is at his craziest. Others in the cast: Margo Harshman, Kelly Vitz, Carrie Finlea, Greg Cipes and Artie Baxter.
I have to admit that I found it all very entertaining, as long as you don't use your brain and just go for the ride in this really fast and gory machine. Because, lets face it: the story was totally incomprehensible, I didn't know who the hell we dealt with (Simon or Stanley or maybe both???) and I couldn't have cared less. The teenagers were all extremely annoying (although air-headed Zack turns out to be a posthumous hero in the end) and there were numerous potholes in the script. I mean: how come this Simon (with or without his brother) is evidently for years on the loose, while killing off anyone who sticks his head into his little shop?! Wouldn't someone (the police for instance, to make a wild suggestion) by now have come to check for the countless missing persons?
Anyway, there's a lot in favor of this movie too. I you like hefty gore, this is your thing, the special effects are absolutely great and I was really stunned by the wonderful photography, the brightness of the colors, even in the night-scenes, is remarkable!! The kids are mostly good looking, the jock has a great physique (and is allowed to show it), and Crispin Glover is well, is Crispin Glover, he's not exactly my cup of tea, but he sure as hell makes a convincing weirdo! In the obligatory last scene where we learn that the story will repeat itself for ever and ever, a group of new friends come to the little shop as fresh meat for Simon, and be sure to check out this bare-chested guy, who's totally awesome. What a shame that the movie stopped right there and then!
I like every thing about this movie the acting, filming and scenery were really well done.
these film has comedy and a lot of cool action scenes with pickax's flying everywhere.
it's awesome! Margo Harshman who play's Kate is amazing as the lead actress and Crispin Glover who plays double role's as the crazy twin brother's Simon/Stanley is as creepy as ever!
if your a horror fan you'll love this one!
it's a great movie and i highly recommend it so check it out when you get a chance!
Written and Directed by William Dear (Angels in the Outfield "1994", Harry and the Hendersons, If Looks Could Kill) made an enjoyable bizarre wild black slasher comedy. Glover seems to be having a ball playing two weird characters. The vacationers are likable but it was tough to like them at first expect for the stoner played by Cipes. It's certainly change of pace for Writer/Director Dear, who's certainly known for making family movies.
The Canadian DVD from VVS Films. DVD has an sharp anamorphic Widescreen (1.78:1) transfer and an strong Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround Sound. There's some image problems in the digital transfer. DVD has no special features. Writer/Director Dear has fun creating some clever death traps and as well... moments of black comedy. Although Dear has written too much "Simon Says" jokes, which they don't always work. "Simon Says" is notable for Glover's over the top performances in two roles. Die Hard fans of his work will certainly cherish this... while others won't. Horror fans will have a blast with this. Glover's real-life father:Bruce Glover appears in a cameo in a flashback sequence. Blake Lively from "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" fame appears in a cameo near the end of the flick. Worth a look. (*** 1/2 out of *****).
Still, with a better Simon this movie could be fun. With that guy it's more a pain to watch than anything else. Avoid this movie.
This was an absolutely fun and enjoyable old-school style slasher. What this one really gets right is the action throughout here of the group coming under attack by the killers, which has a ton to like about it. The amazing part here is he fun to be had with the film utilizing their knowledge of the forest for plenty of exciting times having fun with that, as there's the early scenes out in the forest of them encountering the hitchhikers in their truck, the runners in the park and generating the full-on fun of the extended brawl against the paintball team as they fight him off with their weapons while he uses his powerful ones to wipe them out in a gloriously fun, cheesy sequence. Even the rather big sequences later on here come off rather fun of not only the two at their camp-site but also out in the woods as the encounters have a sense of fun due to the wise-cracking, joking ways but also features a demented streak a mile wide in its kills here that's a lot more enjoyable for the spectacle on display. The biggest of these tactics is the rolling log of pick-axes that comes crashing down the mountainside, which happens a couple times here delivering the fun each time, while other fun times come from the other graphic kills and bloodshed in here. This, though, really hits its stride at the end where the killers have them trapped in the abandoned campsite with the deserted look and mangled bodies creating a fine set-up for the speed-driven truck ride back to their camp for the utterly deranged family gathering that goes from the skeleton parents to tormenting her with the food and a later scene where she tries to turn the tables on them makes all of this quite fun and enjoyable here as it not only plays with a demented flair but also gets in some great violence and keeps the action rolling along here. These all give this one such a great sense of fun that it's able to overcome the film's few minor flaws. The goofy tone here might be among its biggest factors against it, as this conflicts wildly with the brutal and demented feel elsewhere here which comes from several sources, most notably the joke about being retarded not being funny. This is continually a case here where they make jokes about his condition or his antics and trying to come off as funny, and he himself doesn't add much with his antics, yelling and utterly annoying catchphrase that's plain annoying. Likewise, the other big flaw here is the rather outrageous concept for the forest traps, as while they're quite fun in execution there's something to be said for how ridiculous they actually are and it suspends disbelief somewhat. Overall, this was one of the better efforts to come along in the style in a long time.
Rated R: Graphic Violence, Graphic Language, Nudity and drug use.
The movie "Simon says" has decent lighting and almost a solid start point. The cameras are decent and for the most part I knew what was going on.
The movies choice to start with a flash back revealed to much. We already knew one of the brothers were dead so the twist that he was both Simon and staidly was unusable. Also Simon was sprayed with pepper spray by one of the campers I didn't like the fact that it didn't really show at all that his eyes were hurting. The ghost at the beginning also at the end really was purposeless cause it only points at the building. Can that much people really go missing without anyone knowing where they are I don't think so its not really based in reality. Lastly the ending sucked After having been sprayed in the eyes with pepper spray axed to the shoulder and head this human person (Standly)gets up really quick and over powers a girl who has yet been injured and armed with a pic axe.
First, as one reviewer rather effectively put it: it's raining pick-axes. Well, when it rains it pours! Lovely machinery in this forest... Just a thought in passing: either Simon/Stanley spends a lot of his free time scouring the woods for his scattered pick-axes (in which case the murderous lifestyle becomes rather understandable) or he gets fined a lot for littering. Then again, he'd just pick-axe the cop's ass and be done with it, so...
Still, imagine Glover's character stalking his prey in the forest, his fiercest scowl in place .... and falling flat on his face after tripping over a forgotten pick-axe. Talk about an anticlimax...
Also: "if you gonna die, might as well die high." When the resident stoner bleats that scintillating piece of wisdom, one may want to murder him. Bless Simon/Stanley's little jealous heart that he does exactly that. With . A . Giant . Joint. Yep. 'Smoking will kill you' all right.
in the same vein, the dog scene was hilarious. Don't get me wrong, I love dogs. Usually, cruelty to animals in movies makes me queasy, but that stomp was just too over-the-top to be taken seriously. And afterwards, when Simon (in little-boy-lost mode) appears cradling the "sleeping" dog... awww, bless, that's almost cute. For a blood-covered psycho redneck carrying around a squashed dog-corpse. You get the idea...
and ... was that an eyeball stuck to the back of the newspaper ???
I can't resist adding a bit about Glover's southern (?) accent: that was awful, painful, terrible ... and very, very funny. That's the bit that clinches the deal for me: the friend I watched this with says it's a failed horror movie, but with that kind of performance in it, it just has to be a parody (especially since the rest of the characters includes Generic Jock, Generic Slut, Generic Stuck-up-kid-who-dies-first and Generic Stoner... you don't stick so closely to the rules of a genre unless you want to mess with them).
So, to sum it up, we have cheese, pick-axes, more cheese, a few paintball players passing through just long enough to be slaughtered gleefully (serves them right for the dog's name), a bit more cheese, and Crispin Glover who carries the show practically alone, and does a great job of it too.