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It's Raining Pickaxes, Hallellujah!
Coventry9 April 2007
Ah finally, here's another absurdly grotesque and over-the-top cheesy gorefest-slasher that could have come straight out of the 1980's, with its demented killer, stereotype characters and downright insane story lines! Many avid fans agree Crispin Glover is a genuine hero of the horror genre, and he obviously experienced the time of his life starring in this unspeakably nasty homage to bad B-movies & backwoods exploitation horror. Me says: Simon Rocks... and so does his equally sick-in-the-head brother Stanley. Glover stars in a double role as the redneck twin brothers Simon & Stanley, terrorizing a van full of empty-headed teenagers on their camping trip in the woods. Whilst enjoying random sex and soft-drugs, drooling Simon sneaks up on the teenagers and kills them – as well as some other unfortunate bystanders –in some of the most ingenious ways you'll ever see! Simon is particularly creative with pickaxes, as he developed several wonderful traps and ambushes all over the woods that mercilessly catapult the rusty weapons in the direction of the victims. Needless to say Simon's macabre games result in a gigantic blood bath, with gory impalement, decapitations and dismemberment. Of course, there absolutely isn't any tension or plot-development and the only story twist that is worth mentioning can easily be guessed long before it's revealed on screen. Crispin Glover (unintentionally?) finds a perfect balance between creepiness and humor. Although constantly exaggerating in performing his odd roles, he somehow occasionally manages to look creepy & menacing nonetheless. Perhaps that's just because he is Crispin Glover and always has this aura of morbidity surrounding him. One moment he's an ultra-creepy maniac who makes eyeless puppets out of his victims, yet the next he's a sneering lunatic who crushes little fluffy dogs with his feet and yells out silly lines like "You forgot to say Simon Says!!". The camping teenagers are your average routine and colorless lambs to the slaughter, including the pot-head, the muscled macho, the bimbo (who's likely to get topless at some point in the movie), the girl who always complains and the one remotely intelligent & likable chick who will presumably survive the massacre. Textbook slasher-fodder, but I couldn't possibly care less because "Simon Says" is a highly welcome return to the outlandish splatter fun of the 80's. Even the whole clichéd "family reunion" sequence near the end of the film immediately reminded me off several titles on my endless list of 80's favorites. I personally guarantee "Simon Says" is the ideal midnight-movie crowd pleaser, terrific entertainment to watch with a bunch of buddies.
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The welcome return of the fun gore-fest! See it in a full theater for maximum effect!
wes-11526 September 2006
Warning: Spoilers
EDIT: I just heard today (9/27/06) that Simon Says does not currently have a theatrical distributor. SAY IT ISN'T SO! It would be a travesty for this film to go straight-to-video, since it is best enjoyed in a theater environment with a large group of folks with whom to share the experience.

I saw this VERY FUN and gory movie last night at a preview screening at Austin's Fantastic Fest with a full auditorium of horror movie freaks. We had a GREAT time hooting and hollering at all the splattery fun.

Simon Says stars Crispin Glover as twins with a HEAVY Southern accent (think Sheriff J. W. Pepper in "Live And Let Die"). Crispin's performance, while creepy, unique, and striking - as is his wont - is flawed in the over-emphasis of his slack-jawed accent. But it does give his character some...ummm...character.

The plot is a slasher involving (among others) 5 college students who stumble across Glover's neck of the woods whilst seeking the typical river-side debauchery in the wilderness.

This is a funny movie. Usually intentionally so, sometimes not...however, the greatest thing about this movie is the kills. Nearly every kill involves the prodigious use of one, two, or even as much as twenty pick-axes. The most awesome one being the very first camper to get caught in the woods. We see her later on in a deliciously twisted reveal that had us absolutely ROARING! The entire auditorium busted a gut at how that one ended up. The rest were quite entertaining and creative as well.

So, check it out in the theater and have some fun with it.
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"I'm not going to let Simon hurt ya... why should he have all the fun?" Depends on your expectations.
Paul Andrews5 November 2007
Warning: Spoilers
Simon Says starts as couple Kate (Margo Harshman) & Riff (Artie Baxter) along with their friends Vicky (Carrie Finklea), Ashley (Kelly Vitz) & Zack (Greg Cipes) are headed towards the open forest wilderness for a weekend away from the stresses & strains of normal city life in their camper van. They stop off at a small town to ask for directions, they meet the retarded Simon (Crsipin Glover) & his cruel twin brother Stanley (Crispin Glover as well) but end up have a little altercation. The teenage friends load up & set off, they find a suitably isolated camp site & prepare for the fun ahead of them. However the trip soon turns into a nightmare as the ever so slightly deranged duo of Simon &/or Stanley begin to brutally murder them one-by-one...

Written & directed by William Dear I think this was intended as a throwback to the slasher films of the 70's & 80's, I am sort of in two minds about it to be honest. The script takes a little while to get going but doesn't seem to take itself too seriously & models itself on your typical Friday the 13th (1980) rip-off with a bunch of teens running around the woods being sliced & diced by some maniacal killer, in that respect it's predictable & unoriginal but I sort of felt the makers knew this & just decided to have a bit of fun with the genre & the clichés rather than try to change a tried, tested & popular formula. I mean if it ain't broke don't fix it, right? I must admit I'm a big fan of exploitative, gory mindless slasher flicks if they are done right & I have to say for the most part I throughly enjoyed Simon Says. However, the slasher flick is an extremely limited & crowed sub genre that has little scope for imagination & a fairly rigid plot structure which filmmakers can't do a lot with, I mean one slasher film is pretty much exactly the same as the next with some bland victims gathered together usually in some isolated location purely to be killed off. That's the main problem with Simon Says really, it's nothing new or original & if you don't like slasher films then Simon Says will do nothing to help change your opinion but if you do like a good slasher then in my opinion Simon Says is certainly one of the better efforts I've seen from recent times but when you compare it to crap like The Legend of Bloody Jack (2007) that isn't saying that much. The character's are OK, the dialogue is decent & the killer is suitably crazy although I don't understand who the woman on horseback was as it's never explained. Keep watching as the end credits roll as after they finish there is a few more seconds which answers a question or two you may have.

Director Dear does a fine job & Simon Says is much better looking than most recent shot on a camcorder type horror flicks that litter video shelves & turn up on obscure cable TV channels. There is also a very pleasing amount of gore although it takes about 35 minutes to kick in, lots of people are impaled on pick-axes, there's plenty of blood, severed limbs, mangled bodies, hangings, a fish is gutted, fingers are chopped off with a huge meat cleaver, there are burnt corpses & a cool scene where two paint-ballers are literally sliced to pieces by a huge spinning cylinder of spikes. My hat also goes off to the filmmakers for putting a scene in which show's the 'cute' little white poodle dog being stamped on & literally exploding! The special effects are very good with plenty of on set gore effects & fake blood rather than awful CGI computer effects which are thankfully kept to a minimum. Simon/Stanley also has a catapult type machine which fires pick-axes everywhere, I was thinking I wish I had one as I'd soon sort my a-hole neighbours out then! Having said that I bet it costs them a fortune in pick-axes...

With a supposed budget of about $3,000,000 this is really well made by what looks like professionals, the cinematography is nice & mercifully the makers decided to keep the annoying MTV type effects down so no shaky hand held crap! Simon Says actually looks rather nice, it has a few stylish scenes & is well made, it's surprising & nice to actually see a very recently made independent horror flick with good production values. The acting is alright if not spectacular but why are so many of the cast related? Robyn Lively is the son of Ernie Lively while Lori & Blake Lively are his daughter's, Max & Michael Moody are brother's, Adam, Bart & Brad Johnson are all brother's as well & I wouldn't be surprised if Leila Johnson is also related to them & Chad & Chris Cunningham are brother's.

Simon Says is a fun little well made slasher flick with some nice gore, it takes a while to get started but overall I rather enjoyed it. It passed 90 odd minutes harmlessly enough for me. If you don't like slasher flicks then avoid it like the plague but if you do like them then this is certainly one of the better ones I've seen from recent years.
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Another Absurd and Stupid Slasher
Claudio Carvalho13 June 2010
The pothead Zack (Greg Cipes); the sweethearts Kate (Margo Harshman) and Riff (Artie Baxter); the slut Vicky (Carrie Finklea); and the spoiled Ashley (Kelly Vitz) travel by van to the backwoods to camp. They meet two strange graveyard diggers that advise them to leave the place otherwise they could be murdered. Then they meet the deranged retarded Simon (Crispin Glover) in the gas station and Riff has a friction with the guy. They find a paradisiac spot to camp at the riverside, but Simon and Stanley transform their holiday in a nightmarish night.

"Simon Says" is another absurd and stupid slasher that follows the style of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre", "Wrong Turn" and other films of this sub-genre of horror. Crispin Glover performs an annoying character that keeps saying "and you forgot to say…Simon says" (even in the end of the credits). But the most irritating in this story is the ability and invulnerability of his undestroyable character. My vote is three.

Title (Brazil): "Siga o Mestre" ("Follow the Master")
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Interesting for the genre lovers, skip otherwise
rust377 July 2007
To make a long story short: it's not scary, and is poor in every aspect - script, camera, directing, acting.. Moreover it tries (poorly again) to be a grotesque in a way of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre II. So Simon says: "Do not watch this movie".

Good news is that it has got a spark of creativity, i.e. some of the scenes/effects were way beyond my expectation like one with a dog, and with flying blonde. Brutal, cold blooded, blunt, not too detailed - right to what it should be.

Well, simply avoid this Simon unless you are a horror fan with some exploratory streak.
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Comedy? Slasher? I don't get it...
nicole102219918 January 2016
Warning: Spoilers
I decided to watch this one night when nothing was on. The description made the movie sound interesting and the fact that Crispin Glover was in it made me want to watch it. It at first seemed just OK but as it kept going I was actually becoming bored. I don't mind that the same ideas keep being used when it comes to the horror genre but when there isn't one character I can relate to or "root for" I have to say the movie failed. To me, one element that makes a good horror or slasher film is having that one character (hero or heroine) to cheer for. When its a bunch of idiots and unlikeable characters its a waste of time. Fans of horror know what Im talking about (The Halloween series always comes to mind when it comes to the heroine that is needed) Maybe it was bad acting and bad writing that made this terrible? I would say to a die hard horror fan (like me who has seen almost every horror/slasher film known to man) to skip this movie. I will say though Crispin as always delivered a fantastic performance its just a shame no one else delivered a great performance and that the script fell flat.
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Crispin Glover really cuts loose in this entertaining slasher schlock
Woodyanders23 June 2009
Warning: Spoilers
You all know the drill. A quintet of college kids -- hunky stud muffin Riff (Artie Baxter), his snippy girlfriend Kate (a perfectly bitchy Margo Harshman), hot vampy slut Vicky (a deliciously naughty portrayal by Carrie Finklea), amiable stoner Zack (a hilariously goofy Greg Cipes), and naive goody-goody two shoes Ashley (Kelly Vitz) -- go camping in a remote neck of the woods. Since the kids smoke pot and make out, clearly they are destined to meet gruesome untimely ends. Of course, they run afoul of crazed hillbilly psycho Stanley and his dim-witted brother Simon. Writer/director William Dear relates the story at a steady pace, really pours on the over-the-top splatter with the amusingly outrageous and imaginative murder set pieces (grisly highlights include one victim being turned in a human CD player, some wicked pick-ax mayhem, and Zack being turned into a giant reefer), and further spices things up with a delightfully twisted sense of pitch-black gallows humor (Stanley's elaborate Rube Goldberg-style deadly contraptions are very funny in an admittedly sick sort of way). Best of all, the one and only Crispin Glover has himself a field day in the juicy dual role of Simon and Stanley: Sporting a strange voice that alternates between a shrill whine and an overripe Southern accent, doing all these twitchy mannerisms with histrionic abandon, making all these groaningly cruddy Simon says puns, and even stomping on a cute little poodle in one particularly great scene, Glover is a total wacky hoot to watch. Both Bryan Greenberg's slick cinematography, Ludek Drizhal's shuddery, spirited score, and the pleasingly grim ending are all up to par as well, but it's Glover's marvelously manic and unrestrained eye-rolling hambone acting which gives this flick an extra nutty edge. Good, cheesy fun.
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Holy s**t what a bad movie.
tvalstar9913 July 2007
When I read the comments on this film and see the rating on IMDb I get to the conclusion that there are people who like this rubbish. Unbelievable I must say. If you are not a super fan of really bad bloody slasher movies, than don't see this movie.

Slither was a movie that was over the top and kinda stupid, but all with this tongue in cheek kind a way. Simon Say's is to straight forward simple to give me the same feeling. It's all about butchering people with pickaxes. It starts and it never ends. Dogs are being splattered and so on. It is gross, not funny because it is too simple. Killing people with pickaxes is not funny after 6 times. And that Crispin Glover dude. He seems to have a career in these movies, a cult figure so to speak. A guy who refuses a role in Back to the future II and sues Steven Spielberg is an extraordinary guy. But this is an extraordinary bad movie.
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Simon Says this film gets an F
peppersmacks27 September 2006
Warning: Spoilers
You'd be hard-pressed to find any redeeming qualities in director Bill Dear's new film, "Simon Says". It's juvenile, cliché-ridden, and utterly lame.

Simon (Crispin Glover) owns a store in the middle of nowhere that sells nothing. He has an apparent affinity for pick-axes, with dozens adorning the walls of his shed/store. Whenever he comes across other humans, he sports his best retard voice and begins asking goofy questions. No matter the reply, he grins stupidly, mumbles "you forgot to say 'Simon says'", and then proceeds to kill everyone in the scene.

The characters take on the most banal forms of teen stereotyping. There's a stoner dude, a meat head jock, a prudish Asian, and two rank-and-file sluts. None of them contributes anything of significance to the story. The dialog is contrived and forced. The actors might as well be reading from cue-cards. Rent any porno and you're likely to find stronger performances.

One neat twist is that the laws of physics do not apply within a 1-mile radius of Simon's store. Axes have infinite momentum. Some people can jump and change direction in mid-air. Others can magically teleport into charred corpses.

Simon's many strange catapults, which he can reload at the speed of light, rain an impossible number of axes down on his victims. His single-ax launcher is extraordinarily precise, piercing the chest of a perfectly useless character from more than 100 yards away.

There is no actual plot. Just a bunch of sterile characters being killed in impossible ways by an aspiring loon.

There are attempts at humor. None work. By the end of the movie, I realized the joke was on me.

Grade: F Avoid at all costs.
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I missed Scooby-Do in this one!
donbuckIII8 July 2010
I like to call this Scooby-Do Meets The OC "The Case of the Spooky Twins". In the Mystery Machine, Shaggy(Zack), Fred(Riff), Velma (Ashley) Daphne(Vicky) and Lonnie(Fred's Groupie), are fishing for gold in an abandoned, um Ghosttown. They soon meet the Gravediggers who tell them of the dangers of the place they are about to visit! Some people get offed in some mildly inventive ways (and even Scrappy-Do get's in on the action, poor pup) We even meet some characters that we weren't even introduced to that help fight the Ghost but... I won't spoil it but You may see this episode play over and over again! I like Crispin Glove from Back to the Future to his really off the wall things. His portrayal as twins is not far fetched seeing as how he had always seemed to have dual personalities. The supporting cast including the whole Liveley Family (love Red Head Robyn) are mildly entertaining but background to this plot. It could have been Freddy or Jason, But the pick axes set them aside and would have love to have seen this in a 3D style!
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What The Hell Did I Just Watch?
HorrorInside12 January 2013
I just got done watching this movie On Demand and my review can honestly be summed up in one word - crap.

I wasn't sure what to think of Simon Says at first. I really thought I was going to like it, but I couldn't have been more wrong about myself and this so-called Horror flick. I've seen my share of 'B' movies, but this one was the epitome of one and it stereotyped Horror (80's Horror at that) almost to a tee - the stoner, the promiscuous chick, the nerd and the couple.

There is not one positive thing I can say about Simon Says, other than thank God for On Demand, so I don't have to worry about having a cheesy DVD collection of Horror movies.
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BA_Harrison Says 'I enjoyed Simon Says'.
BA_Harrison8 July 2011
'As gory as it is irreverent' boasts the blurb on the back of the DVD for Simon Says; 'bloody and demented' claims the quote on the front; 'Phooey' says I, noticing the 15-rating awarded by the BBFC. But as it happens, it turns out that I am wrong (and once again that the BBFC are inconsistent): this film is every bit as gruesome and deranged as the cover says it is. And then some.

On the face of it, Simon Says might sound like standard, teen-friendly slasher fare—a bunch of good-looking college kids (three blokes, three babes) go camping in the woods where they are hunted by a murderous psycho with a large collection of very sharp implements—but it actually proves to be a truly one-of-a-kind experience, a seriously insane effort boasting an unexpectedly off-the-wall style, inventive graphic violence, and an unrestrained central performance from Crispin Glover that can only be described as 'unique'.

With writer/director William Dear taking such an unusual approach, and it's eccentric star acting even stranger than normal, it's understandable that many might not find this film to their taste; but if, like me, you enjoy your horror erratic and decidedly twisted, then Simon Says, with its flying pick-axe, poodle stomping splatter, should prove a satisfying watch.

7.5 out of 10, happily rounded up to 8 for a very daft but extremely entertaining showdown that sees the heroine opt for a rather unlikely hiding place.
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Bizarre Backwoods Slasher
Rathko3 March 2010
A thoroughly bizarre horror movie in which a deranged Crispin Glover (is there any other kind) boobytraps a stretch of woodland with 1001 flying pickaxes and waits for a bunch of irritating teens to stumble onto the scene. I've never really understood the logic of populating a movie with completely unlikeable characters. It makes for pretty tedious viewing when the only reason for watching is not the hope that the characters survive, but that they will die sooner, rather than later. And the teens here, played by the usual bunch of pretty twenty-somethings, are some of the most irritating in horror history. Luckily, 'Simon Says' benefits from the presence of Crispin Glover, who is hilarious camping it up with a bizarre high-pitched accent that seems like a cross between English aristocracy and Louisiana Creole. He's clearly acting in a completely different movie that exists only in his own head and thank God for it. The kills are pretty creative and grizzly with a lot of messy dismemberment, but veteran writer/director Bill Dear has little interest in originality or developing any suspense or real fear. For fans of Glover's unique style, this is an often very funny must-see movie. For everybody else it's a pretty average teen slasher.
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Grisly good.Sick enough to like.
Michael O'Keefe18 November 2009
Warning: Spoilers
Is it Simon or Stanley? Who else but Crispin Glover could play this duo psycho role? A group of college friends are out on spring break and go camping in a wooded location where a notorious killing took place. The legend has it that a young boy bludgeoned his twin brother into a coma before slaughtering his parents. Also in the woods are a few paint-ball players and some other campers that will also have to fight for their lives; because Simon and Stanley have their own way of playing rough in the woods.

Bloody murders and many gruesome images. A freaky finale to give you something to think about. Glover is at his craziest. Others in the cast: Margo Harshman, Kelly Vitz, Carrie Finlea, Greg Cipes and Artie Baxter.
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So close, yet.... Nah, it wasn't even close!
bobnbeth-110 August 2009
Warning: Spoilers
What can I say about this movie. My expectations were something along the lines of evil dead 2, as it advertised, and I was sorely disappointed. Some ingenious ways of killing our hapless campers has everything to do with a pick axe you ever wanted to know about, and I got tired of it very quickly. Maybe they had some left over from My Bloody Valentine or Trackman. Crispin Glovers usually good creepy acting seemed out of place in this, like he was trying TOO hard to be creepy. He doesn't have to try, it comes naturally, like in Wizard of Gore. There were a few admirable killing scenes,the spinning log to be sure, and some above average makeup and special effects, but just not enough to merit a rental, and definitely not a purchase. It's as if the director is working to achieve the scary horror of ED2, and Glover is on that plane half the time, but someone forgot to inform the rest of the cast. The movie appeared to be just a jumble of film clips stitched together. My hope is that you will read this and spend your money elsewhere. I'm sure some people enjoy it, but it just missed the mark for me. Also don't expect to rent this movie and see Blake Lively(Accepted) or Robyn Lively(Savannah) in any screen time, they appear at the end of the movie in sort of a cameo role after everything of importance has happened. Funny that this movie was produced Lively production. Perhaps he saw the preview and thought,"this movie sucks, maybe I can get members of my family to be in this and save it! NO, NO, NO. And for those who are wondering, at the end the twins have our heroine Kate trapped in a basement and have apparently engaged in some intercourse with her because I assume they have had children,(TWINS!). Hope this helps, but if not I don't care because you've seen the movie against my suggestion, and I've got better movies to waste two hours of my life with like (Insert movie of choice here). No evil dead, No Friday the 13th, no Nightmare, just crap. However, it is only MY opinion.
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It's great, as long as you don't take it serious!
johannes2000-123 June 2009
Warning: Spoilers
It took me some 30 minutes before I realized that I shouldn't take this movie too seriously. Not that there wasn't anything to smile about from the start. There's the usual bunch of teenage friends (the horny jock, the luscious bimbo, the preppy mona lisa, the airhead dork, etc.), it's ludicrous enough that we always take such an improbable pairing of girls and boys for granted, but they provide us with the usual wannabe funny stuff, like vulgar jokes, dumb one-liners and fooling around with each other. But when the killings began, it was as if everything turned dead-serious, probably because of the dark atmosphere and the crazy killing-mechanisms (like some mechanical contraption that propels axes through the air like a tennis ball canon) and the rather gloomy flash-backs that introduced us to the killer-twins as infants. But once we meet Simon (or IS it Simon???) and actor Crispin Glover drawls his lines in a blatant piece of over-acting, it suddenly dawned on me: it's supposed to be FUN!! Everything that follows turns out as way over-the-top: the more-than-graphic kills, the extreme gore and the rapidly mounting body-count (enhanced by some amateur soldiers that appear in the movie totally out-off-the-blue, just to get themselves immediately killed).

I have to admit that I found it all very entertaining, as long as you don't use your brain and just go for the ride in this really fast and gory machine. Because, lets face it: the story was totally incomprehensible, I didn't know who the hell we dealt with (Simon or Stanley or maybe both???) and I couldn't have cared less. The teenagers were all extremely annoying (although air-headed Zack turns out to be a posthumous hero in the end) and there were numerous potholes in the script. I mean: how come this Simon (with or without his brother) is evidently for years on the loose, while killing off anyone who sticks his head into his little shop?! Wouldn't someone (the police for instance, to make a wild suggestion) by now have come to check for the countless missing persons?

Anyway, there's a lot in favor of this movie too. I you like hefty gore, this is your thing, the special effects are absolutely great and I was really stunned by the wonderful photography, the brightness of the colors, even in the night-scenes, is remarkable!! The kids are mostly good looking, the jock has a great physique (and is allowed to show it), and Crispin Glover is… well, is Crispin Glover, he's not exactly my cup of tea, but he sure as hell makes a convincing weirdo! In the obligatory last scene where we learn that the story will repeat itself for ever and ever, a group of new friends come to the little shop as fresh meat for Simon, and be sure to check out this bare-chested guy, who's totally awesome. What a shame that the movie stopped right there and then!
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"Great Movie"
randomstuff010117 August 2007
Simon Says is definitely not your typical horror/thriller and unlike a lot of other movies in this genre this one actually has a really good story line.

I like every thing about this movie the acting, filming and scenery were really well done.

these film has comedy and a lot of cool action scenes with pickax's flying everywhere.

it's awesome! Margo Harshman who play's Kate is amazing as the lead actress and Crispin Glover who plays double role's as the crazy twin brother's Simon/Stanley is as creepy as ever!

if your a horror fan you'll love this one!

it's a great movie and i highly recommend it so check it out when you get a chance!
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Mostly for Horror Buffs and especially for Glover Fans Only.
Lucien Lessard9 September 2008
A group of friends (Margo Harshman, Greg Cipes, Carrie Finklea, Kelly Vitz and Artie Baxter) decides to spin their vacation at the woods... somewhere in the middle of nowhere. They meet an odd-ball gas attendant named Stanley (Crispin Glover), which his even odder twin brother named Simon (also played by Glover). When Stanley gives them directions to the woods. His twin brothers decides to stalk these young vacationers and murder them but he has his eye on one of the vacationers... he likes so much.

Written and Directed by William Dear (Angels in the Outfield "1994", Harry and the Hendersons, If Looks Could Kill) made an enjoyable bizarre wild black slasher comedy. Glover seems to be having a ball playing two weird characters. The vacationers are likable but it was tough to like them at first expect for the stoner played by Cipes. It's certainly change of pace for Writer/Director Dear, who's certainly known for making family movies.

The Canadian DVD from VVS Films. DVD has an sharp anamorphic Widescreen (1.78:1) transfer and an strong Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround Sound. There's some image problems in the digital transfer. DVD has no special features. Writer/Director Dear has fun creating some clever death traps and as well... moments of black comedy. Although Dear has written too much "Simon Says" jokes, which they don't always work. "Simon Says" is notable for Glover's over the top performances in two roles. Die Hard fans of his work will certainly cherish this... while others won't. Horror fans will have a blast with this. Glover's real-life father:Bruce Glover appears in a cameo in a flashback sequence. Blake Lively from "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" fame appears in a cameo near the end of the flick. Worth a look. (*** 1/2 out of *****).
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Pretty bad
matches8111 January 2008
The story of "Simon says" is nothing new. Some teenagers in the wood get hunted down by some sicko. So, I didn't expect much anyway in that regard. Still, the movie disappointed me. The teenagers are just your basic clichés for this kind of movie, which is not necessarily bad, but the main problem is the main character, Simon. In my opinion he's just way overdone. The acting is almost like a caricature. So, what should be a threatening character ends up being a (sadly bad) joke. The kills are good, but that's about it. Everything else in this movie just is below par, even for the genre.

Still, with a better Simon this movie could be fun. With that guy it's more a pain to watch than anything else. Avoid this movie.
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Fun and demented slasher
GL848 September 2015
Going camping in the woods, a group of friends stumble upon a deranged killer who has taken to the area as his own personal hunting ground and when he spies one of them as a potential mate, they're forced to fight him off before he slaughters them all.

This was an absolutely fun and enjoyable old-school style slasher. What this one really gets right is the action throughout here of the group coming under attack by the killers, which has a ton to like about it. The amazing part here is he fun to be had with the film utilizing their knowledge of the forest for plenty of exciting times having fun with that, as there's the early scenes out in the forest of them encountering the hitchhikers in their truck, the runners in the park and generating the full-on fun of the extended brawl against the paintball team as they fight him off with their weapons while he uses his powerful ones to wipe them out in a gloriously fun, cheesy sequence. Even the rather big sequences later on here come off rather fun of not only the two at their camp-site but also out in the woods as the encounters have a sense of fun due to the wise-cracking, joking ways but also features a demented streak a mile wide in its kills here that's a lot more enjoyable for the spectacle on display. The biggest of these tactics is the rolling log of pick-axes that comes crashing down the mountainside, which happens a couple times here delivering the fun each time, while other fun times come from the other graphic kills and bloodshed in here. This, though, really hits its stride at the end where the killers have them trapped in the abandoned campsite with the deserted look and mangled bodies creating a fine set-up for the speed-driven truck ride back to their camp for the utterly deranged family gathering that goes from the skeleton parents to tormenting her with the food and a later scene where she tries to turn the tables on them makes all of this quite fun and enjoyable here as it not only plays with a demented flair but also gets in some great violence and keeps the action rolling along here. These all give this one such a great sense of fun that it's able to overcome the film's few minor flaws. The goofy tone here might be among its biggest factors against it, as this conflicts wildly with the brutal and demented feel elsewhere here which comes from several sources, most notably the joke about being retarded not being funny. This is continually a case here where they make jokes about his condition or his antics and trying to come off as funny, and he himself doesn't add much with his antics, yelling and utterly annoying catchphrase that's plain annoying. Likewise, the other big flaw here is the rather outrageous concept for the forest traps, as while they're quite fun in execution there's something to be said for how ridiculous they actually are and it suspends disbelief somewhat. Overall, this was one of the better efforts to come along in the style in a long time.

Rated R: Graphic Violence, Graphic Language, Nudity and drug use.
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Simon says Don't watch this one!
Devan Lilly18 January 2013
Warning: Spoilers

The movie "Simon says" has decent lighting and almost a solid start point. The cameras are decent and for the most part I knew what was going on.


The movies choice to start with a flash back revealed to much. We already knew one of the brothers were dead so the twist that he was both Simon and staidly was unusable. Also Simon was sprayed with pepper spray by one of the campers I didn't like the fact that it didn't really show at all that his eyes were hurting. The ghost at the beginning also at the end really was purposeless cause it only points at the building. Can that much people really go missing without anyone knowing where they are I don't think so its not really based in reality. Lastly the ending sucked After having been sprayed in the eyes with pepper spray axed to the shoulder and head this human person (Standly)gets up really quick and over powers a girl who has yet been injured and armed with a pic axe.
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Just another really bad, poorly put together slasher flick
Robert W.1 January 2012
Warning: Spoilers
Sometimes you can follow a tried and true recipe and still fail. Simon Says is just all around badly slapped together with stereo typical, empty characters, un-unique kills, a terrible killer and all of this packaged to call out "Blake Lively" on the cover because she hit it big a year later. For the record Blake Lively is in this film a total of about 15 seconds and its in the last few minutes of the movie. The concept of twins (one who is dim witted) seems like it could be a good idea for a slasher film but Crispin Glover who tries to pride himself on being obscure and unique usually just comes across as egotistical and annoying and that shines through in Simon Says. If his character had been better written he could have maybe done something significant with it. The rest of the cast, the older than teenage fodder for the killer are terrible. They add nothing to the story or the cast. Director and writer William Dear is not a newcomer to the industry. He's been directing films for over two decades and I think someone just gave him a few dollars to do his own thing but it just feels so slapped together. Every once in awhile, if you're a big horror fan like me, you will get drawn into the story briefly, or enjoy a really gory kill but then the poor cast and story and pace will drag it all back down. Unless you're just a huge slasher fan you might as well skip this one. 5/10
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simon says sit back and enjoy
sethsteenerson26 August 2010
I thought this movie was entertaining, it had its flaws but delivers the goods. crispon glover is great at his part, i think he is an underrated actor, its good to see him on the screen( i loved Back to the future). i enjoyed the death scenes, although some were very far fetched, they were all fun to watch. could have used some more nudity, but at least we got a quick tity shot early on. i would enjoy a secon simon says. the filmmaking was alright, the river they were on is beautiful, i want to go there, maybe not with simon roaming around. my review is over, but i have to have ten lines to complete the review, so i will add that the lighting was OK, the acting was mediocre other than crispen, his acting was great. 6/10
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come over to the dark side... they have pick-axes and Crispin Glover
ainaithilwen26 February 2010
Warning: Spoilers
oh that was fun. Laughing-so-hard-I-fell-off-my-bed type of fun.

First, as one reviewer rather effectively put it: it's raining pick-axes. Well, when it rains it pours! Lovely machinery in this forest... Just a thought in passing: either Simon/Stanley spends a lot of his free time scouring the woods for his scattered pick-axes (in which case the murderous lifestyle becomes rather understandable) or he gets fined a lot for littering. Then again, he'd just pick-axe the cop's ass and be done with it, so...

Still, imagine Glover's character stalking his prey in the forest, his fiercest scowl in place .... and falling flat on his face after tripping over a forgotten pick-axe. Talk about an anticlimax...

Also: "if you gonna die, might as well die high." When the resident stoner bleats that scintillating piece of wisdom, one may want to murder him. Bless Simon/Stanley's little jealous heart that he does exactly that. With . A . Giant . Joint. Yep. 'Smoking will kill you' all right.

in the same vein, the dog scene was hilarious. Don't get me wrong, I love dogs. Usually, cruelty to animals in movies makes me queasy, but that stomp was just too over-the-top to be taken seriously. And afterwards, when Simon (in little-boy-lost mode) appears cradling the "sleeping" dog... awww, bless, that's almost cute. For a blood-covered psycho redneck carrying around a squashed dog-corpse. You get the idea...

and ... was that an eyeball stuck to the back of the newspaper ???

I can't resist adding a bit about Glover's southern (?) accent: that was awful, painful, terrible ... and very, very funny. That's the bit that clinches the deal for me: the friend I watched this with says it's a failed horror movie, but with that kind of performance in it, it just has to be a parody (especially since the rest of the characters includes Generic Jock, Generic Slut, Generic Stuck-up-kid-who-dies-first and Generic Stoner... you don't stick so closely to the rules of a genre unless you want to mess with them).

So, to sum it up, we have cheese, pick-axes, more cheese, a few paintball players passing through just long enough to be slaughtered gleefully (serves them right for the dog's name), a bit more cheese, and Crispin Glover who carries the show practically alone, and does a great job of it too.
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