Nacho Libre (2006)
Nacho: I'm not listening to you! You only believe in Science. That's probably why we never win!
Esqueleto: We never win because you are fat!
Señor Ramon: What is this?
Nacho: Leftovers. Enjoy.
Señor Ramon: There is no flavor. There are no spices. Where are the chips?
Nacho: Somebody stole them.
Señor Ramon: Did you not tell them that they were the Lord's chips?
Nacho: I was trying to!
Señor Ramon: You are useless Ignacio!
Elderly Monk: Silence brothers! This is the worst lunch I ever had.
Señor Ramon: Your only job is to cook. Do you not realize I have had diarrhea since Easters?
Nacho: Ok... Maybe I am not meant for these duties. Cooking duty. Dead guy duty. Maybe it's time for me to get a better duty!
Nacho: When the fantasy has ended/and all the children are gone/Something good inside me/helps me to carry on/I ate some bugs/I ate some grass/I used my hand to wipe my tears/To kiss your mouth/I break my vows/no no no no no no way Jose/Unless you want to/Then we break our vows together.
Sister Encarnación: Where are your robes, Ignacio?
Nacho: They were... stinky. These are my recreational clothes.
Sister Encarnación: They look expensive.
Nacho: Thank you. I mean... they might have the appearance of riches, but beneath the clothes, we find a man... and beneath the man we find... his... nucleus.
Sister Encarnación: Nucleus?
Nacho: Chancho. When you are a man, sometimes you wear stretchy pants in your room. It's for fun.
Nacho: Ok. Orphans! Listen to Ignacio. I know it is fun to wrestle. A nice piledrive to the face... or a punch to the face... but you cannot do it. Because, it is in the Bible not to wrestle your neighbour.
Chancho: So you've never wrestled?
Nacho: Me? No. Come on. Don't be crazy. I know the wrestlers get all the fancy ladies, and the clothes, and the fancy creams and lotions. But my life is good! Really good! I get to wake up every morning, at 5AM, and make some soup! It's the best. I love it. I get to lay in a bed, all by myself, all of my life! That's fantastic! Go. Go away! Read some books!
Nacho: I am a-singing at the party / I am singing it's my turn to sing at this party / Everyone is dancing, happy party / But Ramses is not dancing he does not dance at the parties / Ramses' number one he knows the secret of desire / Ramses is the one, he puts the people all on fire.
Nacho: Those eggs were a lie, Esqueleto. A LIE! They give me no eagle powers! The give me no nutrients!
Nacho: I don't want to get paid to lose. I wanna win!
Nacho: They think I do not know a buttload of crap about the Gospel, but I do!
Nacho: I was wondering if you would like to join me in my quarters this night... for some toast.
Nacho: [signing letter to Sister Encarnacion] Hug hug, kiss kiss, hug hug, big kiss, little hug, kiss kiss, little kiss.
Nacho: Precious Father, why have you given me this desire to wrestle and then made me such a stinky warrior?
Nacho: Do you remember when everyone was shouting my name, and I used my strength to rip my blouse.
Esqueleto: Yea, and I saw them knock you unconscious, ok?
Esqueleto: I hate orphans!
Nacho: Say it to my face!
Esqueleto: I hate them!
Nacho: Come again?
Esqueleto: I hate all the orphans in the WHOLE WORLD!
Sister Encarnación: Can I come in?
Nacho: No, people might get the wrong idea about you... Like maybe you are a floozy.
Sister Encarnación: Wrestling is ungodly Ignacio. People cheer for him... and he is a false idol.
Nacho: I'm a little concerned right now. About... your salvation and stuff. How come you have not been baptized?
Esqueleto: Because I never got around to it ok? I dunno why you always have to be judging me because I only believe in science.
Sister Encarnación: Ignacio, I have been looking all over for you, where have you been?
Nacho: I have been here. I have been sleeping.
Sister Encarnación: In a frilly shirt and slacks?
Nacho: They are my PJ's
Señor Ramon: Orphans, smile and be happy. For God has blessed us with a new teacher. She hails from the Oaxaca Parish Convent of the Immaculate Hearts Sisters Ladies Mountains of Guadalupe. Sister Encarnacion.
Sister Encarnación: Thank you Brother.
Nacho: You can take the stallion, I'll take the pony.
Esqueleto: I can't wrestle him.
Nacho: But you're tall and fast like a gazelle, you can do it. Pray to the Lord for strength.
Esqueleto: I don't believe in God, I believe in science.
Nacho: You have not been baptized?
Juan Pablo: How come we can't ever have just like a salad?
Nacho: Be grateful, Juan Pablo, today is especially delicious.
[takes a bite of the beans and chokes, it comes out of his nose]
Nacho: [singing] I ate some bugs, I ate some grass, I used my hand, to wipe my tears.
Sister Encarnación: Well, my favorite color is light tan. My favourite animal is puppies. I like serving the Lord. Hiking, play volleyball...
Nacho: You gotta be kidding me. Everything you just said, is MY favourite thing to do, every day!
Nacho: It sucks to be me right now!
Esqueleto: How come?
Nacho: How come you think? I used to really like Ramses. I wanted to become him! But it turns out, he's a real douche.
Nacho: Have you ever have you ever had feelings for a nun?
Nacho: Chancho! I need to borrow some sweats.
Chancho: Are you leaving us?
Nacho: No, Chancho, I would never leave you. I just need to borrow some sweats.
Nacho: Beneath the clothes, we find a man... and beneath the man, we find his... nucleus.
Chancho: Nacho! Where are you going?
Nacho: There is no place for me in this world. I don't belong out there, and I don't belong in here. So I'm going out into the Wilderness. Probably, to die.
Chancho: Well, you might need this
[Gives Nacho the sword]
Chancho: My mother gave it to me before she died. It was her lucky machete. You can have it.
Nacho: I hope to see you again little Chancho. Maybe in the next life.
Nacho: See that guy over there? That is Senior Ramon, he owns all the big arenas. We need to show him that we mean business. That we are ready for the 'big leagues'.
Nacho: Those guys were a couple of wussies, eh?
Esqueleto: They scalped my hairs, okay? I look hideous. And you gave them permission to hurt me like this.
Nacho: But I couldn't have anybody see my face, Steven. Come on!
Nacho: And over there in the tree, is a chipmunk nest. And that right there, is our corn, best in the city, it's delcious. And that is a crazy lady. So now you pretty much know what I do. Pretty dang exciting, huh?
Juan Pablo: Hey, it's Ramses. He's the best.
Chancho: No he's not.
Juan Pablo: Can I have his autograph? Please?
Nacho: Okay, I'll see what I can do.
Nacho: Uh, Ramses. I was wondering if the children could have a signiture or a picture or something?
Nacho: Listen, the children are orphans, they really love you. You are the best.
Nacho: [after lifting Esqueleto over the wall at Ramses party] What about me?
Esqueleto: I don't think I can lift you. You are too fat.
Nacho: So anyways, let's get down to the nitty gritty... Who is this Encarnación?
Emperor: In order for you to become empowered by the eagle, you must climb that cliff, find the egg, crack open one of them, and then eat the yolk.
Nacho: So, what you're saying to me is if I can eat this yolk, my moves will become the best in the whole world.
Nacho: [holds hand up] High Five.
Sister Encarnación: You went to watch a wrestling match?
Nacho: [after a pause] Kind of.
Sister Encarnación: You are a man of the clothe. Lucha Libre, it's a sin.
Nacho: But, why?
Sister Encarnación: Because those men fight for vanity, for money, for false pride.
Nacho: Yes it's terrible, terrible. But is it always a sin to fight?
Sister Encarnación: No. If you fight for something noble, or for someone who needs your help, only then will God bless you in battle.
Nacho: I have given up wrestling.
Esqueleto: Nacho, you are great fighter. You've got something none of these guys have.
[Esqueleto points to his own heart]
Esqueleto: And the childrens need a real hero.
Nacho: I thought you hated all the orphans in the whole world.
Esqueleto: Not anymore. I like them. And they need you Nacho.
[Nacho nods and Esquelto takes out Nacho's fighting mask]
Nacho: [nods confidently] OK.
Esqueleto: [to Ramses] I think me and my friend are ready to go pro!
Esqueleto: I don't believe in God, I believe in science.
Esqueleto: Summon your eagle powers.
Nacho: What do you think I'm doing?
Nacho: [Losing badly, about to take a big hit] Eagle powers... come to me! Please!
Nacho: [to Sister Encarnación] I don't like the way those guys just looked at you.
Nacho: [to innocent passers-by] HEY! Can't you see this woman is a nun?