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Land of the Lost (2009) Poster

Quotes

Dr. Rick Marshall: This is for you. I signed it.

[hands his book to Matt Lauer]

Dr. Rick Marshall: You're supposed to say the title and the publisher.

Matt Lauer: That's not gonna happen.

Dr. Rick Marshall: Just say it.

Matt Lauer: No.

Dr. Rick Marshall: Just say the damn title.

Matt Lauer: Fine.

[shows book to TV audience]

Matt Lauer: 'Matt Lauer Can Suck It' by Dr. Rick Marshall.

Dr. Rick Marshall: I was so surprised that your attorney signed off on that. I was like, "Are you sure? Is this gonna be okay?" He said, "Yeah, go for it."

Matt Lauer: Son of a bitch.

Dr. Rick Marshall: If you don't make it, it's your own damn "vault." That's a bitch slap of truth right there.

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[Inside Dr. Marshall's office, there is knocking at the door]

Dr. Rick Marshall: [groans]

Holly Cantrell: Dr. Marshall?

[Opens the door and sees Marshall lying on the floor surrounded by wrappers of junk food]

Holly Cantrell: Oh God! Are you alright?

[Helps him up from the ground and lays him against a cabinet]

Holly Cantrell: Hey, up you get. Here, just lean against...

[Struggling the keep him up, he spits out a piece of food from his mouth]

Holly Cantrell: Oh dear.

Dr. Rick Marshall: I'm fine. I'm okay, I just... worked late. Then, I got hungry and I... had several meals and lapsed into a food coma. I've had issues with food in the past. I don't know, you know, just with the stress with everything I just over did it... but I'm in control. Now, I don't have to go back to Phoenix.

Holly Cantrell: I just wanted, I wanted to um, come apologize for yesterday Michael. My behavior was just...

[she stares in shock as finds Marshall's completely built Tachyon Amplifier]

Dr. Rick Marshall: No, no, no.

Holly Cantrell: You've finished the Tachyon Amplifier!

Dr. Rick Marshall: No, no, I mean yes. I, I don't know, I finished building it, yes, but... I didn't have the nerve to test it out. So, I thought a trip to Arby's might give me some courage, but no dice.

[Sticks an old fry in his mouth]

Dr. Rick Marshall: Then, I hit Popeye's, Del Taco. 14,000 calories later, I found myself down at Subway... powering through a 12 inch veggie on whole wheat babbling to a cut-out of Jared. Still didn't give me the strength to turn that thing on. I'm a coward.

Holly Cantrell: You are not a coward, you're a visionary. This is probably the greatest work of genius in the last hundred years.

[Turns on the amplifier to the music of A Chorus Line singing I Hope I Get It; Turns it off]

Holly Cantrell: Is that A Chorus Line?

Dr. Rick Marshall: It, it's left over data from the drive. What a piece of crap!

[Slams foot against desk shaking the amplifier on for a second]

Dr. Rick Marshall: The machine, I mean, not A Chorus Line. I love showtunes, they really tell the story of the human condition.

Holly Cantrell: It's a bit gay.

Dr. Rick Marshall: It IS great.

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Dr. Rick Marshall: Field rations are running dangerously low. Thusly, I've made the determination that, if need be, if faced with starvation, we will cook and eat Chaka. I've been thinking about this a lot, actually. If Chaka meat were the secret ingredient on Iron Chef, I'm sure Bobby Flay would probably serve it with roasted red peppers and a dash of cumin and a braised polenta. It wouldn't be an easy thing to do, but if you slow roast the little guy, I'm sure that Chaka meat would just fall right off the bone.

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Will Stanton: [on the rocks, to Rick] You ever get tired of being wrong?

Dr. Rick Marshall: [being chased by the T-Rex] I do! I really do!

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Holly Cantrell: What are you eating?

Dr. Rick Marshall: It's a donut stuffed with M&Ms. That way, when you've finished the donut, you don't have to eat any M&Ms.

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[Rick Marshall on the Today Show talking about his new scientific discovery]

Dr. Rick Marshall: It boils down to two simple words.

Matt Lauer: Renewable biofuels.

Dr. Rick Marshall: Close. Time warps.

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[Will and Holly can smell dinosaur dung on Rick]

Dr. Rick Marshall: Would you grow up?

Holly Cantrell: Oh, my God!

Dr. Rick Marshall: Yes, he pooped me out!

Will Stanton: And now you guys are friends?

Dr. Rick Marshall: While I was snaking my way through his bowels, I don't know, I... I must have dislodged some sort of intestinal blockage. And, yes, he's in a much better mood now. So can we move on? I would really like to go home.

Will Stanton: You were deuced out by a dinosaur. That is incredibly cool.

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Dr. Rick Marshall: I wrestled at Purdue.

Enik: J.V.

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[after Marshall storms off the stage of "Today"]

Matt Lauer: That was my guest, Dr. Rick Marshall

Dr. Rick Marshall: [offscreen] You're God damn right it was!

Matt Lauer: His new book arrives tomorrow. You might want to look for it in the "I'm out of my freaking mind" department.

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Dr. Rick Marshall: [after realizing he was right all along] Matt Lauer can suck it!

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Ernie: Hey! Where's Will?

Dr. Rick Marshall: He went to a better place.

Ernie: You killed him?

Dr. Rick Marshall: No.

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Will Stanton: [a pair of dinosaurs break a fight and focus on the group, Dr. Marshall having doused himself in Hadrosaur urine earlier] Well what do you know? This is one of those days when pouring piss on your head is a bad idea!

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Dr. Rick Marshall: [Upon seeing a pterosaur make off with the tachyon amplifier] Oh, that blows. That buh-lows.

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[first lines]

Astronaut: Mission Control, come in. Mission Control, do you read?

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Dr. Rick Marshall: Captain Kirk's nipples!

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Will Stanton: [grabs cup in the shape of a woman's bust] This is a little travel mug I like to call the perfect woman. Big ole set of boobies- no head. And a handle.

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Dr. Rick Marshall: Thank God for that. That one was peering into my soul.

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Enik: Thank Vinok you've come to my aid, Rick Marshall.

Dr. Rick Marshall: You know me?

Enik: Of course. Even in the farthest reaches of the universe, we have seen your Matt Lauer video.

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Dr. Rick Marshall: Well done. You just gave murderous primatives the power of fire!

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Will Stanton: I'm man enough to admit that's my bad.

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Dr. Rick Marshall: It's beautiful! Ahhhhhhh...!

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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