|Index||2 reviews in total|
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
Clever idea not particularly well done. Two teens find a man on fire.
Rushed to the hospital the police try to figure out who the unconscious
and badly burned man is. Several people show up at the hospital
believing that the man is the person they are looking for.
Messy tale that really needs better actors in the leads as cops and a tone that is much less comical. Not really bad, but more a missed opportunity since this spins out a wild series of events with the appearance of each new person that takes a good chunk of the final half hour to explain including some moves that don't really seem fair, when the detectives sit and explain it to their boss and us in the audience. Honestly there is a good film here waiting to get out, but it needs a couple of better leads and less humor.. As it stands now its just an okay one. Worth a look in an undemanding mood because its rare that any film tries to weave such a complicated tale.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
Watching this movie is like Chinese Water Torture. There's no one
distinct moment of intense awfulness; just a steady drip, drip, drip of
confoundingly terrible filmmaking that breaks your spirit.
A man is horribly burned in a fire behind a church. He's taken to a hospital and two eating machines disguised as detectives try to find out who he is. His face and hands are too badly burned to identify him, but he matches the general description of 4 missing persons. One is a mobster. Another is the father of two grown children. The third is the brother of a priest. The fourth is a businessman.
In a bit of police procedure I don't think would ever happen in the real world, the cops allow the mobster's thugs, the two grown children, the priest and the businessman's assistant to visit the unconscious burn victim. They all spill their guts talking to a heavily bandaged body they may or may not know, while the detectives cram food down their throats like they were competitive eaters. After every character tells their story in the most boring ways you could possibly imagine, the movie ends with a twist ending so insultingly contrived, these filmmakers should have to pay people to watch this thing.
I can't even bring myself to go on and on about all of the stuff that's so very wrong with Unconscious. From the repetitive use of music that sounds like the Jeopardy theme played at one-quarter speed to the inappropriate comedic tone given an unmistakably dramatic tale to a woman having a walkie-talkie shoved in her crotch and liking it I just can't think about it all again. Remembering all of the lifeless acting, inane dialog, ludicrous camera work is making me physically and mentally uncomfortable. It's like the way someone must feel when they try to take a bath after almost drowning.
Just so there's no question about how putrid this film is, I'll give you one example. And trust me, I'm not making any of it up or exaggerating for effect.
There's a shot in Unconscious where the priest (Peter Friedman) walks down a hospital hallway. The camera is looking straight down the hall, the priest walks into view and then starts toward the camera. There's no dialog. There's no voice-over narration. The priest doesn't do anything. The camera doesn't do anything. I t's just a dude walking down a hall, toward the camera and that shot goes on for 29 seconds. Yes, I timed it. 29 seconds of screen time for a guy walking down a hallway. In addition, the camera never moves so as the priest walks toward it, the top half of his body slowly goes up and out of frame until we can only see the priest from the waist down. There's finally some dialog at that point, but because the only thing on screen is the lower half of the priest, it looks like his penis is having a conversation with his testicles.
The whole movie is exactly like that.
Did you ever see that episode of Seinfeld where George decides his every instinct is wrong, so he starts doing the opposite and wildly succeeds? Screenwriter George Williams and Directed Bradley Wigor are like George. Every storytelling instinct they have is wrong and the only way they could make an even halfway decent film is to deliberately try and make the worst motion picture in history.
Please don't subject yourself to Unconscious.
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