Inside Man (2006)
Dalton Russell: This time next week, I'll be sucking down piña coladas in a hot tub with six girls named Amber and Tiffany.
Keith Frazier: More like taking a shower with two guys named Jamal and Jesus, if you know what I mean. And here's the bad news: that thing you're sucking on? It's not a piña colada!
Dalton Russell: My name is Dalton Russell. Pay strict attention to what I say because I choose my words carefully and I never repeat myself. I've told you my name: that's the Who. The Where could most readily be described as a prison cell. But there's a vast difference between being stuck in a tiny cell and being in prison. The What is easy: recently I planned and set in motion events to execute the perfect bank robbery. That's also the When. As for the Why: beyond the obvious financial motivation, it's exceedingly simple... because I can. Which leaves us only with the How; and therein, as the Bard would tell us, lies the rub.
Dalton Russell: I'm no martyr. I did it for the money. But it's not worth much if you can't face yourself in the mirror. Respect is the ultimate currency. I was stealing from a man who traded his away for a few dollars. And then he tried to wash away his guilt. Drown it in a lifetime of good deeds and a sea of respectability. It almost worked, too. But inevitably, the further you run from your sins, the more exhausted you are when they catch up to you. And they do. Certain. It will not fail.
Mayor: [speaking cordially with Madeline] I always have time to put on a tux and eat free food for a good cause. Who are saving this week?
Madeliene White: Well, I'm doing a round of support for the Joseph Freidkin Memorial Fund for spinal cord research and we're having our annual fundraiser next month. If you could attend, it would give us such a boost.
[the Mayor and Madeline walk through double doors into an empty, private room]
Mayor: It would be my pleasure. Is there anything else I can do to...
[the double doors close, giving the Mayor and Madeline privacy]
Mayor: [turning very hostile immediately] What the fuck do you want?
Madeliene White: A favor.
Mayor: No shit. Which kind?
Madeliene White: The last one I'll ever ask of you.
Mayor: That's the kind I had in mind.
Det. Bill Mitchell: Hey Keith, let me see your shoe.
Keith Frazier: What?
Det. Bill Mitchell: Lemme see your shoe.
Keith Frazier: Why?
Det. Bill Mitchell: 'Cause I have never seen anyone put their foot that far up a guy's ass.
Keith Frazier: [Busts out laughing] Yeah, I guess I did, didn't I?
Det. Bill Mitchell: Man, you cut him an ass the length of the Lincoln Tunnel! We're gonna need a traffic cop on that shit!
Madeliene White: Well detective, there are matters at stake here that are a little bit above your pay grade. No offense.
Keith Frazier: Well, why don't you just tell the mayor to raise my pay grade to the proper level, and problem solved.
Keith Frazier: You got a card, in case I need to call you?
Madeliene White: [smiles sweetly] Please don't take this personally, but no. I don't think you can afford me.
Keith Frazier: Well, don't take this personally, Miss White. Kiss my black ass, okay?
Madeliene White: Careful, Detective. My bite is much worse than my bark.
Det. Bill Mitchell: You see, there's just you and one other woman that fit the physical description of the female suspect.
Stevie: What's that?
Det. Bill Mitchell: It's your height, your age, and... um...
Keith Frazier: Your cup size.
Stevie: [smiles sardonically] So, I violated section 34 Double-D? That's what you're telling me?
Dalton Russell: [after seeing the boy's violent video game] Finish your slice. I'll take you back to your father. I have to talk to him about this game.
Keith Frazier: Sorry to interrupt you, Mister Mayor, but there's an old American saying: When there's blood on the streets, somebody's gotta go to jail.
Four Seasons Maitre d': Good afternoon, sir. Do you have a reservation?
Keith Frazier: [walking past him] Looking for the mayor.
Four Seasons Maitre d': May I have your hat, please?
Keith Frazier: No, you cannot! Get your own.
['Stevie' is gathering keys and cell phones from hostages; she stops at one man who does not have a cell phone and waves Dalton over]
Dalton Russell: What's your name?
Peter Hammond: [Nervously] Peter.
Dalton Russell: Peter what?
Peter Hammond: Peter Hammond.
Dalton Russell: Where's your cell phone, Peter Hammond?
Peter Hammond: [Trembling] I left it at home.
Dalton Russell: [Putting his arm around Peter's shoulder] Peter, think very carefully about how you answer the next question, because if you get it wrong, your headstone will read, "Here lies Peter Hammond, hero, who valiantly attempted to prevent a *brilliant* bank robbery by trying to hide his cellular phone, but wound up,"
[presses gun muzzle into Peter's cheek]
Dalton Russell: "getting *shot* in the fucking head." Now, Peter Hammond, where's your cell phone?
Peter Hammond: I telling you, I did, I left it at home.
[Dalton goes through the other bank employees' cell phones until he finds Peter Hammond's number; he looks momentarily at Peter, then calls it]
Peter Hammond: [Peter's phone can be faintly heard from his office playing "Gold Digger"]
[They are discussing Dalton Russell]
Keith Frazier: What do you think he's going to do?
Madeliene White: Well, he's not gonna kill anyone.
Keith Frazier: How do you know?
Madeliene White: Because he's not a murderer.
Keith Frazier: How do you know? I got news for you. Most of the guys up in Sing Sing weren't murderers until they killed somebody.
Keith Frazier: Let's just try to keep everybody calm, okay?
Dalton Russell: Don't I sound calm to you?
Keith Frazier: Yeah, you do.
Dalton Russell: Anyway, does this sound anything like the interests you came in here to protect? Or am I just whistling Dixie out my ass?
Vikram Walia: Detective Frazier my ass, where's my fucking turban?
Vikram Walia: Fuckin' tired of this shit. What happened to my fuckin' civil rights? Why can't I go anywhere without being harassed? Get thrown out a bank, I'm a hostage, I get harassed. I go to the airport, I can't go through security without a random selection. Fuckin' random, my ass.
Keith Frazier: I bet you can get a cab though.
Vikram Walia: I guess that's one of the perks.
Madeliene White: Well, I'd love to tell you what a monster you are, but, uh, I have to help Bin Laden's nephew buy a co-op on Park Ave.
Arthur Case: [laughing] If that were true, you wouldn't tell me.
Madeliene White: [turning to leave] We're listing you as a reference.
Keith Frazier: Oh, please, do not say proposals... my girlfriend... she wants a proposal from me.
Dalton Russell: You think you're too young to get married?
Keith Frazier: No, I'm not too young... too broke. Maybe I should rob a bank.
Dalton Russell: Do you love each other?
Keith Frazier: Yeah, yeah, we do.
Dalton Russell: Then money shouldn't really matter.
Keith Frazier: Thank you, bank robber!
Dalton Russell: You're too fucking smart to be a cop.
[He points a gun at Frazier]
Dalton Russell: Now get the fuck out of here.
Keith Frazier: What? You gonna shoot me? Go ahead, shit, you got nothing to lose, I damn sure got nothing to lose, so go ahead, shoot me. Shoot me.
Dalton Russell: [pause] Fuck you. Tell them to send someone sane over here.
Dalton Russell: Now lady, believe me, this is the only situation that I would ever ask you to do this, so take off your fucking clothes.
Sylvia: C'mon, baby. The handcuffs are gettin' cold...
Madeliene White: The sooner you STOP being my problem and START being my solution the better off you'll be.
Keith Frazier: You planned every inch of this thing right from the start, you got everybody marching to your beat, including me, and i'm through buying it!
Dalton Russell: [Fires pistol] Everybody get down on the fucking floor now!
Dalton Russell: Fact is, all lies, all evil deeds, they stink. You can cover them up for a while, but they don't go away.
Det. Bill Mitchell: [to Keith Frazier] If this goes down wrong, they're gonna dump this whole mess in your lap.
Keith Frazier: Who ever heard of a bank robbers escaping on a plane with fifty hostages? You've seen Dog Day Afternoon! You're stalling! Why? I don't know.
Keith Frazier: What are you doing? This ain't no bank robbery!
Dalton Russell: [after he has shot a hostage] Buses, Kojak, or I'll give you two of the longest days of your life.
Keith Frazier: Last time I had my johnson pulled this good it cost me five bucks.
Captain John Darius: Five bucks?
Keith Frazier: It was Tiajuana. Don't ask.
Keith Frazier: Alright, I've got them right where I want 'em.
Det. Bill Mitchell: Where's that?
Keith Frazier: Right behind me with my pants around my ankles, but it's a start.
Keith Frazier: C'mon let's go down the street to the bar. I'll buy you a drink
Dalton Russell: Thanks but I'm trying to stay away from bars right now if you know what I mean.
Dalton Russell: [a cop peeks in the bank, Dalton comes out with his revolver and speaks in an accent] You come near here I start throwing bodies out the front door. I not fucking joking, man.
Dalton Russell: [after viciously beating Peter Hammond] Is there anyone else here who is smarter than me?
Arthur Case: [after hearing the robbers demanded a plane] You want me to arrange for one?
[Inside the "war room" van, Detective Keith Frazier finally accepts a call from Dalton Russell]
Dalton Russell: I got a question for ya. You get it right, I give you more time.
Keith Frazier: And?
Dalton Russell: You know what happens if you don't. Which weighs more: all the trains that pass through Grand Central Station in a year - or the trees cut down to print all U.S. currency in circulation? Here's a hint. It's a trick question.
[they both hang up]
Keith Frazier: What the hell was that? Playing games, now?
Captain John Darius: [realizing] It's the trains. U.S. money isn't printed on paper at all. It's cotton.
Mobile Command Officer Berk: Yeah, that's, that's right.
Captain John Darius: No trees were cut down.
Mobile Command Officer Rourke: Are you sure?
Captain John Darius: Yeah. One hundred percent.
Keith Frazier: Okay.
[He dials Dalton's number again. The phone rings. Dalton picks it up]
Keith Frazier: I got it.
Det. Bill Mitchell: Wait a second, wait a second.
Keith Frazier: Call you back.
[Both Frazier and Dalton hang up their phones]
Det. Bill Mitchell: It's a trap. They both weigh the same. Tell him they both weigh the same. They both weigh nothing.
Keith Frazier: They both weigh nothing or they both weigh the same?
Det. Bill Mitchell: Tell him they both weigh the same. Tell him they both weigh the same. Do it now.
Keith Frazier: They both weigh the same. Got it.
[Dalton picks up the phone]
Dalton Russell: Well?
Keith Frazier: They both weigh the same.
Dalton Russell: [with evil nonchalance] This time, send sandwiches.