Comedy Central Presents (TV Series)

Mitch Hedberg (1999)

Mitch Hedberg: Self

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mitch Hedberg : I don't have a girlfriend. I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.

• Mitch Hedberg : I like the escalator, man, 'cause the escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. There would never be an "Escalator Temporarily Out of Order" sign, only an "Escalator Temporarily Stairs - Sorry for the Convenience."

• Mitch Hedberg : I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once.

• Mitch Hedberg : I wrote a script, and I gave it to a guy who reads scripts, and he read it, and he liked it, but he said he thinks I ought to re-write it. I said, "Fuck that - I'll just make a copy!"

• Mitch Hedberg : I like Kit-Kats... unless I'm with 4 or more people.

• Mitch Hedberg : I'm a Heroine addict, I need to have sex with women who save peoples lives.

• Mitch Hedberg : Acid has opened up my mind. I saw through the bullshit.

• Mitch Hedberg : You know, you can't please all the people all the time, and last night, all those people were at my show.

• Mitch Hedberg : I love you guys. Thanks for coming to my special.