Roy Eberhardt: We've got to stop this construction once and for all.
Mullet Fingers: We're the only ones who care.
Roy Eberhardt: We're the only ones that know!
Roy Eberhardt: What's wrong with Ling Ho?
Beatrice Leep: Hey, cowgirl.
Roy Eberhardt: Yeah?
Beatrice Leep: I'm really glad that... You know what, I'm just gonna call you "Roy" from now on. If that's all right with you.
Roy Eberhardt: And what's wrong with Ling Ho?
[She laughs and hits him with a pillow]
Mullet Fingers: You've got to start thinking like an outlaw!
Mayor: Mother Paula's is going to be a shining example of my six-point economic development plan, bringing to Coconut Cove over *twelve* new jobs!
[about Dana, after Roy broke his nose]
Roy Eberhardt: I wrote him a note, that should be the end of it.
Garrett: A note? That's adorable. What did you say? "I'm sorry I smoked you. Please don't break every bone in my body. Please leave me one good arm so I can feed myself"?
Roy Eberhardt: You're hysterical.
Dr. Gonzalez: And what's your name?
Roy Eberhardt: Uh...
[He glances at the nearby janitor, and reads his name tag]
Roy Eberhardt: Ling Ho.
[a golfer hits a ball, then one notices Roy standing in its path]
Golfer #2: Hey, there's a kid...
Golfer #1: FORE!
Golfer #2: Hey, kid! FORE!
[Roy looks up just in time to get beaned by the golf ball. He topples onto his back]
Golfer #2: Oh, you hit him... what club'd you use?
Golfer #1: Eight-iron.
Roy Eberhardt: My mom told me Florida was so sunny and gorgeous, that everybody in America wanted to live there. Everybody except me. And as usual, I was out-voted.
Beatrice Leep: [talking on the phone with the mayor's secretary] Mother Paula can do a lot of things, but she can't change the weather. That would be Mother Nature.
[Roy sits at Beatrice's table]
Beatrice Leep: What is your problem?
Roy Eberhardt: I think you're the one with the problem. Beatrice, I've got no idea why you're mad about what happened on the bus. You're not the one who got choked, and you're not the one who got punched in the nose. So I'm only going to say this once. If I did something to upset you, I'm sorry. It wasn't on purpose. Next time you've got a problem, just tell me, and then we'll sit down and talk about it like civilized human beings.
Beatrice Leep: Civilized.
Roy Eberhardt: Are we straight on this?
[Beatrice just glares]
Roy Eberhardt: Good. I'm glad we had this chance to get to know each other just a little bit better.
[He takes his lunch tray and leaves]
Soccer Pal #2: He's kind of cute, don't you think?
Soccer Pal #2: In a way that's not cute *at all.*
Roy Eberhardt: I knew I couldn't spend the rest of the school year hiding from Beatrice the Bear. I had to take a stand, even if it meant getting decapitated with my own lunch tray.
Chuck Muckle: Mr. Branitt, what does one hundred pancake houses sound like to you?
Curly Branitt: It sounds like an awful lot of pancake houses.
Chuck Muckle: It will be a record! I will be the first regional manager in the history of Mother Paula's to reach one hundred pancake houses. And that is the stuff that food and beverage industry legends are made of! Ah... it is my dream. And you are responsible, Mr. Branitt, for making a tiny piece of that very big dream come true.
Curly Branitt: What do we do about them owls?
Chuck Muckle: What owls?
Curly Branitt: Well, the ones we got... you know, in the little...
Chuck Muckle: This time at half-speed, Branitt: ignore owls, or lose job!
Chuck Muckle: What are you telling me, Mr. Branitt? Snakes scared your dogs away?
Curly Branitt: Well, these weren't just your ordinary snakes, Mr. Muckle. These was cottonmouths, and, you know, a cottonmouth will kill a dog pretty darn quick.
Chuck Muckle: Really? Can they kill a bulldozer?
Curly Branitt: Well... I guess not.
[teaching his marine studies class]
Mr. Ryan: So to answer your question, Pacific swells are usually a lot bigger than Atlantic swells. But remember: Kelly Slater is from Florida.
[Beatrice has run away from home, and revealed herself hiding under Roy's bed]
Roy Eberhardt: How long have you been here?
Beatrice Leep: Oh, don't worry. I kept my eyes closed while you put on your very colorful jammies.
Roy Eberhardt: Hey, Dad?
Mr. Eberhardt: Yeah?
Roy Eberhardt: What do you do to catch the bad guys?
Mr. Eberhardt: At work? Well, we don't chase our bad guys down the street. The trick is to catch them in their paperwork. Sooner or later, they all slip up and leave a trail.
Roy Eberhardt: Right.
Mr. Eberhardt: I know it's boring stuff, it's not the razzle-dazzle you were hoping for.
Roy Eberhardt: I don't know. Maybe it is.
Dana Matherson: [lisping] You and me are far from thettled!
Mr. Ryan: So why are there palm trees in Ireland?
Kimberly: I would just like to say that I, Mother Paula, am simply shocked by what's gone on here today. And you young man are no longer an employee of Mother Paula's, you're fired!