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"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" Welcome to the Hellmouth (TV Episode 1997) Poster

Quotes

Buffy Summers: Now, we can do this the hard way or... well, actually, there's just the hard way.

Darla: That's fine with me.

Buffy Summers: Are you sure? Now this is not gonna be pretty. We're talking violence, strong language, adult content.

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Buffy Summers: What do you want?

Angel: The same thing you do.

Buffy Summers: Okay. What do I want?

Angel: To kill 'em. To kill 'em all.

Buffy Summers: Sorry, that's incorrect. But, you do get this lovely watch and a year's supply of turtle wax. What I want is to be left alone.

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Buffy: To make you a vampire they have to suck your blood. And then you have to suck their blood. It's like a whole big sucking thing. Mostly they're just gonna kill you.

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Buffy Summers: Uh, Hi! Willow, right?

Willow Rosenberg: Why? I-I mean, hi! Uh, did you want me to move?

Buffy Summers: Why don't we start with, 'Hi, I'm Buffy,' and, uh, then let's segue directly into me asking you for a favor. It doesn't involve moving, but it does involve hanging out with me for a while.

Willow Rosenberg: But aren't you hanging out with Cordelia?

Buffy Summers: I can't do both?

Willow Rosenberg: Not legally.

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Buffy: Who are you?

Angel: Let's just say, I'm a friend.

Buffy: Yeah, well maybe I don't want a friend.

Angel: I didn't say I was yours.

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Buffy: Gee, can you vague that up for me?

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Jesse McNally: Well, you know, we wanted to welcome ya, make ya feel at home. Unless you have a scary home.

[Xander takes Buffy's stake out of his backpack]

Alexander "Xander" Harris: And to return this. The only thing I could think is that you're building a really little fence.

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Cordelia: I would kill to live in L.A. That close to that many shoes...

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Principal Flutie: Welcome to Sunnydale. A clean slate, Buffy, that's what you get here. What's past is past. We're not interested in what it says on a piece of paper. Even if it says-whoa.

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Buffy: Are you here with someone?

Willow: No, I'm just here. I thought Xander was gonna show up.

Buffy: Oh! Are you guys going out?

Willow: No, we're just friends. We used to go out, but we broke up.

Buffy: How come?

Willow: He stole my barbie.

[Buffy looks at her weirdly]

Willow: Oh, we were five.

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Xander: Hey, Jesse, what's what?

Jesse: New girl.

Xander: That's right. I saw her. Pretty much a hottie.

Willow: I heard someone was transferring.

Xander: So, tell.

Jesse: Tell what?

Xander: What's the sitch? What do you know about her?

Jesse: New girl.

Xander: Well, you're certainly a font of nothing.

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Alexander "Xander" Harris: Can I have you? Duh... Can I help you?

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Cordelia: Willow, nice dress. Good to know you've seen the softer side of Sears.

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Xander: Not much goes on in a one-Starbucks town like Sunnydale.

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Buffy: Mr. Flutie...

Principal Flutie: All the kids here are free to call me Bob.

Buffy: Bob...

Principal Flutie: But they don't.

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[first lines]

Darla: Are you sure this is a good idea?

Darla's Victim: It's a great idea. Now come on.

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Alexander "Xander" Harris: Well, uh, maybe I'll see you around. Maybe at school... since we... both... go there.

Buffy Summers: Great! It was nice to meet you.

[leaves]

Alexander "Xander" Harris: [Unimpressed with himself] We both go to school. Very suave. Very not pathetic.

[Noticing something on the floor]

Alexander "Xander" Harris: Oh, hey! Hey, you forgot your... stake!

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Buffy Summers: Hey, I know. Why don't *you* kill 'em?

Rupert Giles: I'm a Watcher, I-I haven't the skill.

Buffy Summers: Oh, come on. A stake through the heart, a little sunlight. It's like falling off a log.

Rupert Giles: A-A Slayer slays, a Watcher...

Buffy Summers: Watches?

Rupert Giles: Yes. No! He-he trains her, he-he-he prepares her...

Buffy Summers: Prepares me for what? For getting kicked out of school? For losing all of my friends? For having to spend all of my time fighting for my life and never getting to tell anyone because I might endanger them? Go ahead! Prepare me.

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Buffy: It wasn't that bad.

Principal Flutie: You burned down the gym!

Buffy: I did. I really did, but-but you're not seeing the big picture here. I mean that gym was full of vampi- asbestos.

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Cordelia: It's in the bad part of town.

Buffy: Where's that?

Cordelia: About a half a block from the good part of town. We don't have a whole lot of town here.

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Girl #1: The new kid? She seems kind of weird to me. What kind of name is Buffy?

Girl #2: [walking by] Hey, Aphrodesia.

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Jesse McNally: Is it me, or-or are you turning into a bibbling idiot?

Xander: No it's, uh, it's not you.

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Buffy: I didn't say I'd never slay another vampire. It's not like I have all these fluffy bunny feelings for them, I'm just not gonna get way extracurricular with it.

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Buffy: Having a secret identity in this town is a job of work.

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Willow Rosenberg: When I'm with a boy I like, it's hard for me to say anything cool, or-or witty - or at all. I-I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then I have to go away.

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Cordelia: Well, you'll be okay here. If you hang with me and mine, you'll be accepted in no time. Of course, we do have to test your coolness factor. You're from L.A., so you can skip the written, but let's see. Vamp nail polish?

Buffy Summers: Um, over?

Cordelia: So over. James Spader?

Buffy Summers: He needs to call me.

Cordelia: Frappaccinos?

Buffy Summers: Trendy, but tasty.

Cordelia: John Tesh?

Buffy Summers: The Devil.

Cordelia: That was pretty much a gimme, but... you passed.

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Buffy Summers: [to Giles] It's the weirdest thing. He's got two little-little holes in his neck and all his blood's been drained. Isn't that bizarre? Aren't you just going, "Ooooh"?

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Luke: The sleeper will wake, and the world will bleed.

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Buffy Summers: [to Thomas] Okay, first of all, what's with the outfit? Live in the now, okay? You look like DeBarge.

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Buffy: It's my first day. I was afraid that I was gonna be behind on all my classes, that I wouldn't make any friends, that I would have last month's hair. I didn't think there'd be vampires on campus.

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Giles: Into each generation, a Slayer is born. One girl in all the world, a choosen one. One born with the...

GilesBuffy: -the strength and skill to hunt the vampires...

Buffy: To stop the spread of their evil blah, blah, blah, I've heard it, okay?

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Xander: Willow! You're so very much the person I wanted to see.

Willow: Oh, really?

Xander: Yeah, you know, I kind of had a problem with the math?

Willow: Oh, which part?

Xander: The math.

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Willow: Do you have Theories in Trig? You should check it out.

Xander: Check it out?

Willow: From the library. Where the books live.

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Giles: A slayer should be able to see them anyway. Without looking, without thinking. Can you tell me if there's a vampire in this building?

Buffy: Maybe.

Giles: You should know. Even through this mass and this... din, you should be able to sense them. Well, try. Reach out with your mind. You have to hone your senses. Focus till the energy washes over you. Till you-you feel every particle of-of...

Buffy: There's one.

Giles: W-Where?

Buffy: Right there, talking to that girl.

Giles: You don't know...

Buffy: Oh, please! Look at his jacket. He's got the sleeves rolled up. And the shirt - Deal with that outfit for a moment.

Giles: It's dated.

Buffy: It's carbon-dated. Trust me, only someone living underground for ten years would think *that* was still the look.

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Giles: Dig a bit in the history of this place and you'll find a-a-a steady stream of fairly odd occurrences. I believe this whole area is the center of mystical energy, that things gravitate towards it that-that you might not find elsewhere.

Buffy: Like vampires.

Giles: Like zombies. Werewolves. Incubi, succubi... everything you've ever dreaded was under your bed but told yourself couldn't be by the light of day. They're all real.

Buffy: What? You, like, sent away for the Time Life series?

Giles: Uh, w-well, yes.

Buffy: D'ya get the free phone?

Giles: Um, the calendar.

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Buffy: So, you like to party with the students? Isn't that kind of skanky?

Giles: [witheringly] Oh, right. This is me having fun. Watching clown hair prance about is hardly my idea of a party. I'd much rather be home with a cup Bovril and a good book.

Buffy: You need a personality, STAT.

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Buffy: Well, my philosophy - Do you wanna hear my philosophy?

Willow: Yeah, I do.

Buffy: "Life is short."

Willow: "Life is short."

Buffy: Not original, I'll grant you. But it's true. You know? Why waste time being all shy and worrying about some guy and if he's gonna laugh at you. Seize the moment. 'Cause tommorow you might be dead.

Willow: Oh... that's nice...

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Buffy Summers: [Holding an outfit up to the mirror] Hi! I'm an enormous slut!

[switching outfits]

Buffy Summers: Hello. Would you like a copy of the Watchtower?

[putting them both aside]

Buffy Summers: I used to be so good at this...

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Jesse McNally: So... what did you say your name was?

Darla: Darla.

Jesse McNally: Darla, right. You know, I've never seen you around here before. Are you from around here?

Darla: No, but I have family here.

Jesse McNally: Oh. Have I met them?

Darla: [makes a very evil-looking smile] You probably will.

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Giles: Because you are the slayer one girl in all the world with the strength...

Buffy: ...strength and skill to fight the vampires blah blah blah.

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Buffy Summers: I never said I'm not going to ever slay another vampire it's not like I have any fluffy bunny feelings for them I'm just not going to get real extracurricular about it

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Cordelia Chase: Some guy was stuffed in Aura's locker.

Buffy Summers: Dead?

Cordelia Chase: Totally dead. Way dead.

Xander Harris: So not just a little dead then?

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Joyce Summers: Are you going out tonight?

Buffy Summers: Yeah, I'm going to a club.

Joyce Summers: Oh. Will there be boys there?

Buffy Summers: No, Mom. It's a nun club.

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Buffy Summers: Deal with that outfit for a moment.

Rupert Giles: It's dated?

Buffy Summers: It's carbon-dated.

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Buffy: I'll be back in a minute.

Willow: Oh, that-that's okay, you don't have to come back.

Buffy: I'll be back in a minute.

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Buffy Summers: Can you vague that up for me?

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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