Hancock: Gotta wonder, though. What kind of bastard must I have been, that nobody was there to claim me? I mean, I'm... I'm not the most charming guy in the world, so I've been told, but... nobody?
Hancock: [comes flying in a leather suit and the police men are looking at him] What? It's a little tight.
Rail Crossing Crowd #2: I can smell alcohol on your breath!
Hancock: That's cause I've been drinking bitch!
Boy at Bus Stop: [taps a sleeping Hancock] Hancock!
Boy at Bus Stop: [hits him to wake up]
Boy at Bus Stop: Hancock!
Hancock: What, boy?
Boy at Bus Stop: [points to TV screens] Bad guys.
Hancock: What, you want a cookie? Get the hell out my face.
Boy at Bus Stop: Asshole.
Boy at Bus Stop: You heard me.
Hancock: All of you people, blocking the intersection, you're all idiots.
Rail Crossing Crowd #1: You're the one that threw the dude's car at her. And what's with the train?
Rail Crossing Crowd #2: Why didn't you just go straight up in the air with the car? You've obviously injured that poor woman.
Rail Crossing Crowd #3: She's right. She should sue you.
Hancock: Okay. Well, you should sue McDonald's, 'cause they fucked you up.
Hancock: [to pinned-down cop] Good job! Do I have permission to touch your body?
Female Cop: Yes!
Hancock: It's not sexual. Not that you're not an attractive woman. You're actually a very attractive woman and...
Female Cop: [screaming] Get me the hell out of here!
Ray Embrey: People should love you. They really should, okay? And I want to deliver that for you. It's the least that I can do. You're a superhero. Kids should be running up to you, asking for your autograph, people should be cheering you on the streets...
Hancock: [yelling to crowd of neighbors watching] What the hell you pricks looking at?
Ray Embrey: [shows Hancock a comic book with a picture of a spandex clad superhero on it] What do you think of when you see this?
Ray Embrey: [shows him another comic with a hero in red spandex] And this?
Hancock: Homo in red.
Ray Embrey: [shows him a third comic with a blonde-haired hero] And this?
Hancock: Norwegian homo.
Criminal: [Hancock arrives on the scene] Damn. Handjob. Where you come from?
Hancock: All right, relax. Just - Just tell me what you need.
Criminal: Tell them cops to turn - Tell 'em to take their guns off me. Tell 'em to take the guns off of me.
Hancock: [to the cops] Just take them off, guys. Lower your weapons.
Criminal: You gonna get us out of here. With that tight-ass Wolverine outfit on. Now, let's make it happen, asshole.
Hancock: The way you deal with bullies - you take your right foot, bring it right up and catch him in his little piss pump.
Mary Embrey: You don't have to do that, honey. Okay? Seriously.
Aaron Embrey: It's a good idea.
Hancock: You aim straight, make sure he can't use that thing for nothin' but a flap to keep the dust out of his butt crack.
[an elderly woman in a bar stares at Hancock after seeing a news story featuring him]
Hancock: I'll break my foot off in your ass, woman...
Hancock: [on Aaron's learning to deal with bullies] Ah the whole turn the other cheek thing huh?
[pats Aaron's butt]
Hancock: Just never turn this cheek. Don't let them punk you.
Hancock: [flying around while carrying SUV full of Asian gangsters] Konnichiwa!
Asian Gang Member: What? I'm not Japanese, man! Put us down!
Hancock: Oh, now you speak "Engly," huh? "Speak Engly," now?
Hancock: I hate to burst your little crazy-lady bubble, but it most not been all that great, 'cause I don't remember you.
Mary Embrey: Call me crazy one more time.
Hancock: [to Asian gangsters] If you don't give yourselves up quietly, I swear to Christ, your head is going up the driver's ass, his head is going up your ass, and you drew the short stick, cause your head is going up my ass!
Ray Embrey: Did you shove a man's head up another man's ass?
Police Officer: All units. All units. Code 3 pursuit of 2-11 white SUV heading east on Alameda service road. Suspects: three Asian males. Request back-up immediately. Be advised. Shots fired. Shots fired.
Mary Embrey: [referring to Hancock] Did he... just take the whiskey bottle to the bathroom?
Ray Embrey: Do you want him to kill us all?
Ray Embrey: My basic diagnosis of your fundamental problem is... do you want to hear it?
Ray Embrey: You're an asshole. I know. I call it like I see it, though. It's not a crime to be an asshole, but it's very counter-productive. Not a crime, but you are an asshole, don't you think?
Hancock: Be careful.
Ray Embrey: Right now, there's a DA trying to coming up here and put you in jail.
Hancock: [while eating banana] Bitch can try!
Ray Embrey: I say you go.
Hancock: [confused] Hmm?
Ray Embrey: People take you for granted, you know. We gotta make people miss you. People don't like you, Hancock.
Aaron Embrey: [yelling from other room] I do!
Hancock: [reading prepared text] I apologize to the people of Los Angeles. My behavior has been improper and I accept the consequences. I ask my fellow Angelinos for their patience and understanding. Life here can be difficult for me. After all, I am the only one of my kind. During my incarceration, I will be participating in alcohol and anger management treatment. You deserve better from me. I can be better. I will be better.
Ray Embrey: So you've used the door, the building's still intact, people are happy you've arrived, they feel safe now, there's an officer there and he's done a good job, so you might want to tell him he's done a good job.
Hancock: What the hell did I have to come for Ray if he's done a good job?
Ray Embrey: [showing Hancock his uniform] For when they call.
Hancock: I ain't wearing that, Ray.
Ray Embrey: Yes, you are.
Hancock: Oh no, I'm not.
Ray Embrey: No, you are.
Hancock: Actually, I'm not Ray.
Ray Embrey: You think you're not, but you are.
Hancock: I will fight crime butt-ass naked before I fight it in that, Ray.
Ray Embrey: You know, you have fought naked. We got that. That's on Youtube.
Hancock: You and I...
Mary Embrey: You and I what?
Hancock: ...we're the same.
Mary Embrey: No. I'm stronger.
Mary Embrey: [smiling] Oh yeah.
Hancock: Who are we?
Mary Embrey: Gods, angels... Different cultures call us by different names. Now all of a sudden it's superhero.
Hancock: Are there more of us?
Mary Embrey: There were. They all died. It's just the two of us.
Mary Embrey: [referring to Hancock] We broke up decades ago. Long before you were born. He just can't remember.
Ray Embrey: But you can. Right? You knew? That's something you might want to bring up on the first date, Mary. "I don't like to travel. I'm allergic to cats. I'm immortal." Okay? Those are some of the things you might want to give a little heads-up on.
Mary Embrey: Whatever we are, we were built in twos, okay? We were drawn to each other. No matter how far I run, he's always there. He finds me. It's physics.
Ray Embrey: What are you saying? Are you saying you two are fated to be together?
Mary Embrey: I've lived for a very long time, Ray. And the one thing I've learned: Fate doesn't decide everything. People get to choose.
Hancock: And you chose to let me think I was here alone.
Mary Embrey: I didn't think you'd miss what you didn't remember.
[about the Allheart symbol printed on the Moon made by Hancock]
Ray Embrey: Will I get in trouble for that?
Hancock: You broke my glasses.
Asian Gang Member: I'm sorry. Take my Ray Bans!
Mary Embrey: [to Hancock] If Ray ever finds out about me, you're dead.
Hancock: If you don't move, your head is going up his ass. Y'all fellas sure you wanna ride this train?
Matrix: Choo, choo, asshole...
[Hancock shoves Matrix's head up into Man Mountain's ass]
Kenneth 'Red' Parker Jr.: He hurt you. Didn't he? Aw, use your words. How did it make you feel?
Man Mountain: Sore.
Kenneth 'Red' Parker Jr.: It's 'cause he took your power. And you have to get your power back. And no one will give you your power back. You have to go out and take it. You understand me? We're gonna find Hancock... and get your power back.
Ray Embrey: What about you, buddy? You're from another planet, aren't you?
Hancock: No man, I'm from Miami.
Ray Embrey: You didn't come on in, like, a meteor or...
Hancock: Nope. Woke up at a hospital, first thing I remember.
Ray Embrey: Government hospital. Yes? Experimenting on you and...
Hancock: No, Ray. Regular old Miami emergency room.
Ray Embrey: Come on.
Hancock: Yeah, uh, my skull was fractured. They told me I tried to, uh, stop a mugging.
Ray Embrey: Somebody knocked you out.
Hancock: Guess I was a regular guy before and when I woke up, I was changed. Uh, and the hospital nurse tried to put a needle in my arm and it just broke against my skin. And then my skull healed, in, like in an hour. The doctors were astounded and, uh, they wanted to know my story. Just like you. But, uh, I couldn't tell 'em. I don't know who I am.
Mary Embrey: Amnesia. You know, the blow to the head.
Hancock: Yeah, well, that's what they figure.
Ray Embrey: You don't remember anything?
Hancock: No. Only thing I had in my pocket was bubble-gum, two movie tickets. Boris Karloff. Uh, Frankenstein. Uh... But no ID, nothing. I went to sign out. The, uh, nurse asked me for my John Hancock. And, uh... I actually thought that's who I was.
Hancock: [after seeing a video of himself throwing Walter, the beached whale, back into the ocean, knocking over a sailboat] I don't even remember that.
Ray Embrey: Yeah. Greenpeace does.
Ray Embrey: Walter does.
Male Caller: I, for one, have had enough of this guy. I'm glad he's doing time around bars, and I hope they don't let him off easy. Let my cousin Pookie out.
Female Caller: This city is run by gangs and drug dealers. Hancock is the only guy who makes them shake in their boots. He doesn't always tie a pretty ribbon around it, but he gets the job done. Besides, he's hot.
Ray Embrey: Why were you flying? You were flying, Mary.
Hancock: Yeah, she was definitely flying.
Mary Embrey: Okay, I was flying. And I'm very strong as well. It's just the way we are.
Ray Embrey: We?
Mary Embrey: Me and him. It's just us now. All the others paired up and died.
Hancock: Oh, you didn't say anything about the others paired up, at the trailer.
Ray Embrey: You were at his trailer.
Mary Embrey: It's very hard for me to explain.
Ray Embrey: Great, I'm all ears, Mary.
Hancock: Me too.
Ray Embrey: Do me a favor. Just give me and my wife one moment.
Hancock: Hey, don't... Don't bring it here, Ray.
Ray Embrey: The adults are talking, for one second.
Kenneth 'Red' Parker Jr.: [after he repeatedly shoots Hancock] Upon us all, Hancock. You're no different. Time to shut her down, Hancock. It's been a nice run. Oh, we are all sincerely gonna miss you. But it is time for you to move on. And maybe to a happier place. You can thank me if you want to... superhero.
Hancock: Three guys in the car with no girls. Rave music. Hey, I'm not going to judge.
Hancock: [leans in close to Michel] Call me an asshole one more time.
Hancock: [grabs Michel and launches him into the sky; turns to chubby kid] You got a problem Thickness?
[chubby kid shakes his head; turns to kid with glasses]
Hancock: How about you Goggles?
[kid with glasses shakes his head]