JoJo: Music's the only thing that makes sense anymore, man. Play it loud enough, it keeps the demons at bay.
Lucy: We're in the middle of a revolution Jude. And what are you doing? Doodles and cartoons?
Jude: Well I'm sorry I'm not the man with the mega-phone, but this is what I do.
Army Sergeant: Is there any reason you shouldn't be in this man's Army?
Max: I'm a cross-dressing homosexual pacifist with a spot on my lung.
Army Sergeant: As long as you don't have flat feet.
Lucy: I would lay in front of a tank if it would bring Max back and end this war.
Jude: Yeah, it wouldn't.
Jude: [drawing picture of Lucy, looks at her] Come here.
Jude: [Lucy comes closer]
Jude: I just want to get your eyes right.
Sadie: [upon seeing Prudence for the first time] Where'd she come from?
Jude: She came in through the bathroom window.
Max: [they head for the basement of the campus, they come to a room. Jude closes the door] Shit, I'm outta shape! Woo!
[he pants heavily trying to catch his breath before he recognizes Jude from earlier]
Max: You're the guy who was asking for the janitor, right?
Jude: [nods] Yeah.
Max: So what are you, uh, like the, uh, assistant janitor?
Jude: I'm just bunking down here, y'know. Temporarily.
Max: [as he observes his surroundings] Why?
Jude: Why do you need to know?
Max: You wanted by the cops? Huh? FBI?
Jude: You know it looks to me as though, uh... You're the one who's on the run.
Max: Uh... yeah. Thank you for that by the way.
Jude: What would that lot have done if they'd caught you?
Max: [he and Jude sit down] I don't know. Something, uh, involving genitalia and shoe polish.
Max: Yeah. Where's that accent from?
Jude: Same place as me. Liverpool.
Max: Do you have a name?
Jude: It's Jude.
Max: [smiles] Max.
[he extends his hand, Jude shakes his hand]
Jude: [as he shakes Max's hand] I'm please to meet you.
Max: Well, uh, Jude, as a stranger to our shores, the least I can do is offer you some Ivy League hospitatilty.
[he tosses Jude a flask]
Jude: [a beat] Cheers.
[he takes a drink from the flask]
Hippie Guitarist: Learn French or die.
Max: And you know what really pisses me off is I swallowed all those cotton balls and they never even took a damn x-ray.
Hippy dude: You still have options man.
Max: Yeah, jail or Canada and they both suck. I mean I could never come home, so what is it, it's a choice of a 6x4 cell or an endless wasteland of frozen tundra.
Hippy dude: Montreal is cool.
Max: Man, they speak French.
Hippie Guitarist: So learn French. Learn French or die.
Sadie: You got a good memory for faces?
Max: Yeah, I think so. Why?
Sadie: There's no mirror in your bathroom.
Lucy's Mother: Is that fashionable?
Max: Is what fashionable?
Lucy's Mother: Your haircut, or lack of one.
Lucy: Androgyny suits you, Max.
Jude: [about Paco] He's a shagger.
Lucy: A what?
Jude: A shagger... a Dong Juan. A seducer of young, vulnerable women.
Jude: What are you going to do if you don't go back to college?
Max: What any irresponsible, unmotivated, drop-out would do. Go to New York, like tonight.
Max: She loves you - yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Lucy: You could at least hear what he has to say! I suppose you don't though, because you know you'll never be drafted!
Jude: Yeah? Well, neither will you, Lucy.
JoJo: Never knock the way another cat swings, man.
Prudence: That's my landlady!
Lucy: So you live with my brother, too?
Prudence: Yeah, him and Jude took me in!
Prudence: I don't sleep with him anymore, though!
Max: [walking in and seeing Lucy and Jude in bed together] So that's how it is?
Jude: [They both wake up and Lucy starts laughing a little] Yeah. That's how it is.
Max: Well, speaking as a brother, I think she could do better.
Lucy: [a little stunned] Max? Get out!
Max: Well I'm sorry, but, as blissful as you are in the throes of young love, I'm just letting you know I have a date with Uncle Sam.
[Walks out of the room]
Prudence: [on how Max can avoid the draft] Say you're a pedophile - say you want to go into the villages and you want to rape and pillage all the little girls that look like me!
Jude: My God, you- you have perfect teeth.
Lucy: [sucks in her lips]
Jude: No you do. They're perfect. In Liverpool people seldom do,
[holds hand up to his mouth with fingers sticking out]
Jude: they stick out in all different directions. It's horrible.
Lucy: Have you never heard of braces?
Jude: Yes I have thank you very much, we use 'em to keep our trousers up.
Mr. Kite: In this way, Mr. K will challenge the world - with the blue people! They're great! They're just... chilled out!
Max: [aside to Lucy, as he observes Emily from afar] When did Emily get tits?
Max: [Emily walks by] Emily...
[gives the thumbs up]
JoJo: You can burn that paper man, but you still gotta show.
Jude: [Lucy pulls Jude towards Mr. Kite's tent] I wanted to feed the cows.
Jude: [referring to Lucy] She's probably out fighting for the cause.
JoJo: Looks like you've been fighting for it too, huh?
Jude: I don't have one. That's the problem.
Dr. Robert: We're navigators, we're aviators, eatin' taters, masturbatin' alligators, bombardiers, we got no fears, won't shed no tears, we're pushin' the frontiers of transcendental perception.
Jude: What is that place?
Prankster: The headquarters of the league of spiritual deliverance!
Dr. Robert: The home of Dr. Gary, another outlaw, like myself. We're navigators, we're aviators, we're eatin' tators, masturbatin' alligators, bombardiers, we got no fears, we don't shed no tears, we're pushin' the frontiers... of transcendental perception. What's weird is, we haven't met yet, on this or any other plane.
Prankster: Hey doc, he says he won't see you, man.
Dr. Robert: Why, is he sick?
Prankster: He just said he's busy.
Dr. Robert: Did you tell that
Dr. Robert: sonofabitch that we drove 3,000 miles to see him? Alright, everybody back on the bus. We're going home, to California.
Max: Doc, California isn't home to all of us.
Dr. Robert: What can I say? You're either on the bus, or off the bus.
Max: You're up before two and looking wicked cool. Who's it for?
Sadie: I have a meeting.
Max: [southern accent] Why, is that prayer a meeting?
Sadie: Yeah, for your twisted soul.
Sadie: [kisses Max's cheek]
Sadie: Put my shirt away when you're done.
Max: Yes ma'am.
Jude: What is this place?
Sadie: Headquarters of The League of Spiritual Deliverance.
Dr. Robert: The home of Dr. Geary, another outlaw, like myself. We're navigators, we're aviators, we're eating taters, masturbating alligators. Bombadiers, we got no fears, won't shed no tears. We're pushing the frontiers of transcendental perception. What's weird is we haven't met yet, on this or any other plane.
Dr. Robert: You're either on the bus or off the bus.
Lucy: You didn't get my left nipple right.
Jude: Excuse me, you don't know where I could find Professor Hubert, do you?
Max: Um, no such person, not that I'm aware of.
Jude: Uh, Professor Wesley Hubert?
Max: Listen buddy, I've pissed off every Professor in Princeton, and he's not one of them.
Max: Oh, wait a second,
[points off screen, towards audience]
Max: there's a Wes Hubert. That's him, right over there.
Jude: [about his father] He left me mum when I was just a bun in the oven.
[after seeing Prudence performing as "Henry the Horse" in Mr. Kite's circus]
Mr. Kite: She's called "Henry," and it's a lot of explanation, but don't worry about it, kids, okay? Just tune in, turn off, drop out, drop in, switch off, switch on, and explode.
Max's Father: Goddammit, Max! Get serious, for once! What are you going to DO with your life?
Max: Why is it always what will I do? "What will he do", "What will he do," "Oh, my god what will he do", Do, do, do, do, do. Why isn't the issue here who I am?
Uncle Teddy: Because, Maxwell, what you do defines who you are.
Max: No, Uncle Teddy. Who you are defines what you do. Right Jude?
Jude: [awkward] ... Well, surely it's not what you do, but the, uh... the way that you do it.
Jude: [after Vietnam] You don't seem too messed up.
Max: Well, everything below the neck works fine.
JoJo: I remember this one guy, he ate a ton of beets the night before the physical. Looks like blood when you piss.
Max: [looking mildly disgusted and distracted] No, I hate beets.
Max: [impatiently] Hey, can we get the check, please?
Katz's Waiter: [annoyed] In a minute.
[waves him off]
Max: ...What is with these pricks?
Jude: Well, I, I got a job.
Jude: Ya, as in, we'll pay you to do it.
[after still no response from Lucy]
Jude: Thought that'd you'd be pleased.
Lucy: What job?...
Jude: It's a logo for Sadie's record company.
Jude: It's a strawberry. Ya' know. Red, juicy... Sexy. Yea? Get it?
[no response from Lucy]
Dr. Robert: Sitting in an English garden, waiting for the sun... If the sun don't come, you get a tan for standing in the English rain.
Jude: [singing in her ear] ... and then while I'm away I'll write home every day...
Molly - Jude's Liverpool Girlfriend: [interrupts him] You better!
Lucy: Your girlfriend didn't look too happy about us leaving together.
Jude: She- she's not my girlfriend. Well, you know, she's a friend... who's a girl.
Jude: [about the letter he got] Max, what exactly does it say?
Max: It says I have to report to an induction center on the 7th.
Sadie: You've got a week to contract some fatal disease, honey.
Lucy: [sighs] Oh, I'm so scared for Max!
Jude: Listen, no one and no gun is gonna get Max. You know, he's so twisted he'll bend his way out of this.
Lucy: Hope you're right.
Jude: I am right.
Jude: I love the bugger...
Dr. Robert: Hate to mess with your groove, New York, but we're about two years ahead of you on the Coast. We already graduated from "what's been going on" to "where it's gone".
Lucy: [comparing her family's situation to Jude's] I never realized I had it so easy. I mean, we're so... normal.
Jude: Oh, yeah? I don't know, dinner was quite lively. So, uh, when does that lot start chucking plates at each other?
Lucy: Hmmm... dessert!
Max: Come on, Luce. We've got to do something with him, he's a sailor on leave! He needs a bar, a brawl, and a brothel!
Mr. Kite: Have you seen it? It's great! They've got... stuff!
Cop: You two, scram! You're defacing city property!
Jude: Oh, shit!
Lucy: What are you talking about? This was just a crappy wall, and now it's a work of art.
Cop: Do you want me to come down there?
Jude: Yeah, Please do come down. You'll scuff up them shiny black boots.
Lucy: Shit! You don't wanna get in trouble with the law, Jude!
[Jude and Lucy start running]
Max: [invites Jude over to him and Lucy's house for Thanksgiving]
Jude: We don't have it in England, is it - is it a big deal?
Max: Well, it's a heart-warming American tradition.
Lucy: Yeah. It celebrates the time when the Indians shared their food with the early settlers. And how did we repay them? We slaughter them in thousands then ship them off to the shittiest bits of real estate.
Max: [Max chuckles]
Lucy: [Introduces herself to Jude] I'm Lucy.
Jude: [singing] Is there anybody going to listen to my story all about the girl who came to stay? She's the kind of girl you want so much, it makes you sorry. Still, you don't regret a single day. Aw, girl. Girl...
Jude: Where are we going?
Lucy: Out of our minds!
Jude: Where are you taking me?
Lucy: Down the rabbit hole!
Jude: But I wanted to feed the cows!
Max: [Discussing Lucy on the drive to New York] She's got a boyfriend.
Jude: That's okay, I got a girlfriend.
Lucy: [Crying and yelling at Jude outside the SDR headquarters after he came in, sang "Revolution", made a scene, punched Paco in the face, and was thrown out] What is the matter with you? Why would you do that?
Paco: [Lucy walks in on him and a couple of others in a distant room at the now abandoned SDR headquarters making pipe bombs] Close the door.
Lucy: [Calmly] I thought only the other side dropped bombs?
[She closes the door and leaves]