Kung Fu Panda (2008)
Po: Maybe I should just quit and go back to making noodles.
Oogway: Quit, don't quit... Noodles, don't noodles... You are too concerned about what was and what will be. There is a saying: yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.
Mr. Ping: The secret ingredient is... nothing!
Mr. Ping: You heard me. Nothing! There is no secret ingredient.
Po: Wait, wait... it's just plain old noodle soup? You don't add some kind of special sauce or something?
Mr. Ping: Don't have to. To make something special you just have to believe it's special.
[Po looks at the scroll again, and sees his reflection in it]
Po: There is no secret ingredient...
Oogway: My friend, the panda will never fulfill his destiny, nor you yours, until you let go of the illusion of control.
[points at peach tree]
Oogway: Look at this tree, Shifu. I cannot make it blossom when it suits me, nor make it bear fruit before its time.
Shifu: But there are things we *can* control.
[kicks the tree so that peaches fall]
Shifu: I can control when the fruit will fall!
[he slices a peach and throws the pit to the ground]
Shifu: I can control where to plant the seed! That is no illusion, Master!
Oogway: Ah, yes. But no matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Shifu: But a peach cannot defeat Tai Lung!
Oogway: [folding dirt over the peach pit] Maybe it *can*, if you are willing to guide it, to nurture it. To believe in it.
Shifu: But how? How? I need your help, master!
Oogway: No, you just need to believe. Promise me, Shifu. Promise me you will believe.
Shifu: I... I will try.
Po: The Furious Five! You're so much bigger than your action figures! Except you, Mantis. You're about the same.
Oogway: There are no accidents.
Shifu: [sighs] Yes, I know. You said that already. Twice.
Oogway: Well, that was no accident either.
Po: Legend tells of a legendary warrior whose kung fu skills were the stuff of legend.
Oogway: One often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it.
Po: There is no charge for awesomeness... or attractiveness.
Tai Lung: Who are you?
Po: Buddy, I... am the Dragon Warrior!
[bows over, panting from the stairs]
Tai Lung: [incredulous] You?
Tai Lung: He's a panda! You're a panda! What are you gonna do, big guy? Sit on me?
Po: Don't tempt me.
Tai Lung: The Wuxi finger hold!
Po: Oh, you know this hold?
Tai Lung: You're bluffing. You're bluffing! Shifu didn't teach you that.
Po: Nope. I figured it out. Skadoosh!
Po: He was so deadly, in fact, that his enemies would go blind from over-exposure to pure awesomeness!
Tigress: Shifu loved Tai Lung like he had never loved anyone before... or since. And now, he has a chance to make things right. To train the true Dragon Warrior. And he's stuck with you. A big, fat, panda, who treats it like a joke.
[Po makes a sudden funny face]
Tigress: Oh that is it!
[she lunges at Po]
Mantis: Wait, my fault! I accidentally tweaked his facial nerve!
[Po falls to the ground revealing a lot of needles in his back]
Mantis: And may... have also stopped his heart.
Po: [checking to make sure Shifu is okay after his fight with Tai Lung] Master! Shifu! Shifu, are you okay?
Shifu: [coughs] Po. You're alive!... Or we're both dead.
Po: No, Master I didn't die. I defeated Tai Lung!
Shifu: You did?
[Po nods and smiles]
Shifu: Wow. It is as Oogway foretold, you are the Dragon Warrior. You have brought peace to this valley and... and to me. Thank you, thank you Po. Thank you, thank you.
[slowly lays his head back down, seemingly dead]
Po: No! No no no, don't die, Shifu please!
Shifu: I'm not dying, you idiot!
[he catches himself]
Shifu: Ah, Dragon Warrior. I am simply at peace.
[lays down and folds his hands together, smiling]
Po: Ooh, so um, I should... stop talking?
Shifu: If you can.
[Po lies down next to Shifu; long pause, then]
Po: Wanna get something to eat?
Shifu: [sighs] ... Yeah.
Shifu: [intercepting Po, who is fleeing the temple after learning he has to face Tai Lung soon] You cannot leave! A real warrior never quits!
Po: Watch me!
[tries to run around Shifu]
Po: Come on! How am I supposed to beat Tai Lung? I can't even beat you to the stairs!
Shifu: You will beat him because you are the Dragon Warrior!
[pokes Po in his stomach]
Po: You don't believe that!
[Shifu swipes at his hand with Oogway's stick]
Po: You never believed that! From the first moment I got here, you've been trying to get rid of me!
[Shifu knocks him to the ground]
Shifu: Yes! I was! But now I ask you to trust in your master as I have come to trust in mine.
Po: You're not my master. And I'm not the Dragon Warrior.
Shifu: Then why didn't you quit? You knew I was trying to get rid of you, yet you stayed!
Po: Yeah, I stayed. I stayed, because every time you threw a brick at my head, or said I smelled, it *hurt*; but it could never hurt more than every day of my life just being *me*! I *stayed* because I thought, if anyone can change me, can make me... *not* me, it was you! The greatest kung fu teacher in all of China!
Shifu: But I can change you! I *can* turn you into the Dragon Warrior! And I will!
Po: Come on! Tai Lung is on his way here right now! And even if it takes him a hundred years to get here, how are *you* gonna change *this* into the Dragon Warrior? Huh? How? How? How!
Shifu: I don't know!
Shifu: I don't know.
Po: [sighs] That's what I thought.
[Po slurps up noodles, one ends up draped on his nose like Shifu's mustaches. Everyone starts chuckling]
Mantis: Oh, nothing... Master Shifu.
Po: Oh, yeah, yeah.
Po: You will never be the Dragon Warrior, unless you lose 500 pounds, and brush your teeth!
[everyone except Tigress laughs]
Po: What is that noise you're making? Laughter? I never heard of it! Work hard, panda, and maybe someday, you will have ears like mine.
[he holds two bowls over his head to look like Shifu's ears]
Shifu: Let us begin.
Po: What? Well, uh, I don't know if I can do *all* those moves...
Shifu: [chuckles] Well, we'll never know unless we try, will we?
Po: Well, maybe we could start out with something more at, you know, my level.
Shifu: And what level is that?
Po: Uh, well, I'm not a master but, let's just say zero, level zero.
Shifu: [chuckles] There is no such thing as level zero.
Po: Well, what about that?
[He indicates a small dummy]
Shifu: That? We use that for training children, and for propping the door open when it's hot. But, if you insist...
Tai Lung: [exhausted after fighting Po] You... can't defeat me! You... you're just a big... fat... panda!
[He throws a weak punch, Po catches his hand by the finger]
Po: I'm not a big fat panda. I'm THE big fat panda.
[he raises his pinkie]
Tai Lung: [gasps] The Wuxi finger hold!
Po: Oh, you know this hold.
Tai Lung: You're bluffing. You're bluffing! Shifu didn't teach you that!
Po: Nope. I figured it out. Skidoosh.
[he flexes his pinkie and a golden shockwave ripples out over the valley]
Tigress: [seeing Po bounce down the palace steps] If he's smart, he won't come back up those steps.
Monkey: But, he will.
Viper: He's not gonna quit, is he?
Mantis: He's not gonna quit bouncing, I'll tell you that.
Po: The Sword of Heroes! Said to be so sharp you can get cut just by looking at - Ow!
[after completing his training]
Shifu: You have done well, Panda.
Po: Done well? Done well? Ha, I've done awesome!
Shifu: The sign of a true hero is humility. But, yes, you have done...
[elbows Po, causing him to stagger]
Shifu: ... awesome.
Shifu: When you focus on kung fu, when you concentrate... you stink.
Shifu: But perhaps that is my fault. I cannot train you the way I have trained the Five. I now see that the way to get through to you, is with this.
[pulls out a bowl of dumplings]
Po: Oh great, 'cause I'm *hungry*!
Shifu: [laughs and pulls the bowl away] Good. When you have been trained, you may eat.
[He eats a dumpling]
Shifu: Let us begin.
[Tai-Lung's nerve strikes are only tickling Po]
Po: [laughing] Stop! I'm gonna pee!
Oogway: My time has come.
[hands his staff to Shifu]
Shifu: What? What are you...?
Oogway: You must now continue your journey without me.
Shifu: No! WAIT! Master! You can't leave me!
Oogway: You must believe...
[in a haze of peach blossoms, Oogway ascends to the heavens]
Po: Hey, guys...
Tigress: [bowing low before Po] Master.
[the rest of the Five follow suit]
Po: Master?... Master Shifu!
Tigress: One would think that Master Oogway would choose someone who actually knew kung fu.
Crane: Yeah, or could at least touch his toes.
Monkey: Or even see his toes.
Oogway: [walking towards Po] Ah! I see that you have found the Sacred Peach Tree of Heavenly Wisdom!
Po: [Po turns around with a lot of peaches stuffed in his mouth] Is that what this is? I'm so sorry! I just thought it was a regular peach tree!
Oogway: I understand. You eat when you are upset.
Po: Upset? I'm not upset. Why, what makes you think I'm upset?
Oogway: So why *are* you upset?
Po: [sighs] I probably sucked more today than anybody in the history of kung fu. In the history of China. In the history of sucking!
Shifu: But who? Who is worthy to be trusted with the secret to limitless power? To become the Dragon Warrior?
Oogway: I don't know.
Shifu: Our only hope is the Dragon Warrior.
Tigress: The panda?
Shifu: Yes, the panda!
Tigress: Master, please!
[pushes chair out]
Tigress: Let us stop Tai Lung, this is what you've trained us for!
Shifu: No! It is not your destiny to defeat Tai Lung, it is his!
[points at Po, then realizes he's not there]
Shifu: Where'd he go?
Po: [breathing heavily] I know you're trying to be all mystical and Kung Fu-ey, but could you at least tell me where we're going?
[after hiking up into the mountains, Shifu and Po stop at a pool of water]
Po: [panting] You... dragged me all the way up here... for a bath?
[he scoops up some water]
Shifu: Panda, we do not wash our pits in the Pool of Sacred Tears.
Po: The Pool of-?
[he quickly shakes the water off his paw]
Shifu: This is where Oogway unraveled the mysteries of harmony and focus. This... is the birthplace of kung fu.
[cut to a vision of the yinyang and young Oogway mastering kung fu]
Shifu: [leaping to the top of a rock] Do you want to learn kung fu?
Shifu: Then I *am* your master!
Po: [sniffling] Okay!
Shifu: Don't cry.
Po: [wiping his nose] Okay.
Po: [dazed] What are you pointing at? Oh! Okay. Sorry, I just wanted to see who the Dragon Warrior was.
Oogway: How interesting.
Tigress: Master, are you pointing at... me?
[Moves around, Oogway's finger follows him]
Oogway: [Raising Po's arm with his stick] The universe has brought us the Dragon Warrior!
Mr. Ping: WHAT?
Tigress: You don't belong here.
Po: Right, I know. This is your room.
Tigress: No, I mean you don't belong in the Jade Palace. You're a disgrace to kung fu, and if you have any respect for who we are and what we do, you will be gone by morning.
Po: [after awkward pause] Big fan.
[Po gazes upon the Dragon Scroll and screams... ]
Po: It's blank!
Po: Here, look!
[Po holds out the scroll]
Shifu: No, I am forbidden to look upon...
[Sifu grabs the Scroll and looks for himself]
Shifu: Blank!... I don't, I don't understand...
Po: [serving a noodle bowl to a customer into which he accidentally pitched a throwing star] Careful, that soup is... sharp!
Mr. Ping: We are noodle folk. Broth runs through our veins.
Tigress: It is said that the Dragon Warrior can survive for months at a time on nothing but the dew of a single ginko leaf and the energy of the universe.
Po: I guess my body doesn't know I'm the Dragon Warrior yet. Gonna take a lot more than dew, and universe... juice.
Viper: Are you ready?
Po: I was born read...
[Viper attacks, Po is flung and lands on his head]
Viper: I'm sorry, Brother! I thought you said you were ready.
Po: That was awesome! Let's go again!
Po: Ow! I thought you said acupuncture would make me feel *better*!
Mantis: Trust me, it will. It's just not easy finding the right nerve points under all this...
Mantis: Fur! I was gonna say fur.
Po: Sure you were.
Mantis: Who am I to judge a warrior based on his size, I mean, look at me!
Po: I just ate, so I'm still digesting, so my kung fu may not be as good as later on.
Po: No! The Legendary Urn of Whispering Warriors; said to contain the souls of the entire Tenshu Army!
Po: [whispering to the urn] Hello?
Shifu: [from behind Po] Have you finished sight-seeing?
Po: [stunned, thinking the voice had come from the urn] Oh, sorry! I should've come to see you first!
Shifu: My patience is wearing thin.
Po: Oh. Well, I mean it's not like you were going anywhere.
Po: [looking around at the historical artifacts in the palace] Wow! I've only seen paintings of that painting!
Po: [standing before a training dummy] Hey, what you got? You got nothing because I got it right here. You picking on my friends? Get ready to feel the thunder. Come out with the crazy feet. What you goin' to do about the crazy feet. I'm a blur! I'm a blur! You never seen *Bear* style!
Shifu: [sitting down to eat] After you, Panda.
Po: What? Just like that? No sit-ups? No ten-mile hike?
Shifu: I vowed to train you, and you have been trained. You are free to eat.
[Po sits and picks up his chopsticks]
[Po lifts a dumpling to his mouth, but it is snatched away]
Shifu: I said, you are free to eat. Have a dumpling.
[Po tries another dumpling, it is snatched away again]
Shifu: You are free. To eat.
Po: Am I?
Shifu: ARE you?
Crane: Look, you don't belong here.
Po: Yeah. Yeah. I know. It's just... All my life I have dreamed of...
Crane: I mean you don't belong here, in this room. This is my room. Property of Crane.
[watching Po get massacred by the training hall's obstacle course]
Shifu: This'll be easier than I thought.
Shifu: [after watching Po getting beat up by the obstacle course] There is now a level zero.
Tai Lung: I have come home, master.
Shifu: This is no longer your home, and I am no longer your master!
Tai Lung: Oh, yes. You have a new favorite. So where is this Po?
Tai Lung: Did I scare him off?
Shifu: This battle is between you and me.
Tai Lung: So, that is how it's going to be.
Shifu: That is how it MUST be.
[Tai Lung attacks]
Mr. Ping: Noodles? You were really dreaming about noodles?
Po: Yeah. What else would I be dreaming about?
[hands a customer a bowl of soup with a throwing star in it]
Po: Oh, careful, that soup is... sharp.
Mr. Ping: Oh, happy day! My son finally having the noodle dream! This is a sign, Po!
Po: Uh, a sign of what?
Mr. Ping: You are almost ready to be entrusted with the secret ingredient of my secret ingredient soup. And then you will fulfill your destiny and take over the restaurant just as I took it over from my father, who took it over from his father, who won it from a friend in a game of mahjong!
Shifu: Master! I have... it's very bad news!
Oogway: Ah, Shifu. There is just news. There is no good or bad.
Shifu: Master, your vision. Your vision was right! Tai-Lung has broken out of prison! He's on his way!
Oogway: That IS bad news.
Tai Lung: [growls] I rotted in jail for 20 years because of YOUR weakness!
Shifu: Obeying your master is not weakness!
Tai Lung: You knew I was the Dragon Warrior! You always knew! But when Oogway said otherwise, what did you do? What did you do? NOTHING!
Shifu: You were not meant to be the Dragon Warrior! That was not my fault!
Tai Lung: Not your fault? Who filled my head with dreams? Who drove me to train until my bones cracked? Who denied me my destiny?
Shifu: It was never my decision to make!
[gazes at Oogway's shrine and picks up his staff]
Tai Lung: It is *now*. Give me the Scroll!
Shifu: I would rather die!
Po: But dad, didn't you ever, I don't know, want to do something else? Something besides noodles?
Mr. Ping: Actually, when I was young and crazy, I thought about running away and learning how to make tofu.
Po: So why didn't you?
Mr. Ping: Oh, because it was a stupid dream! Can you imagine *me* making tofu?
Mr. Ping: No! We all have our place in this world. Mine is here, and yours is...
Po: I know. Here.
Mr. Ping: [throws Po bowls of soup to catch] No, it's at tables two, five, seven and twelve. Service with a smile!
Gang Boss: I see you like to chew. Perhaps you should chew... on my fist!
[smashes fist on table]
Po: [voice-over] The warrior said nothing, for his mouth was full. Then he swallowed...
Po: ...and then he spoke! "Enough talk, let's fight!"
[Tai Lung, after evading all the prison's deathtraps, leaps to the last one, a cluster of dynamite, and pulls it free]
Zeng: Can we run now?
Commander Vachir: [quavering] Yes.
Tai Lung: Finally... oh, yes... at last, the power of the Dragon Scroll is *mine*...
[He opens the scroll - and stares at it]
Tai Lung: It's nothing!
Po: It's okay. I didn't get it the first time either.
Tai Lung: What?
Po: There *is* no secret ingredient. It's just you.
[after his defeat by Tai Lung, Master Monkey hits Po]
Monkey: He's too fast... Sorry, Po!
Zeng: [watching Tai-Lung break out of his prison restraints] We're dead. So very, very dead.
Tai Lung: Shifu taught you well.
[disables Monkey with a nerve strike]
Tai Lung: But he didn't teach you everything.
Po: [after a long battle against Master Shifu, he allows Po to eat. Po tosses away the dumpling] I'm not hungry... Master.
Shifu: Well done, students... *if* you were trying to disappoint me.
Viper: [as they're fighting Tai Lung on a rope bridge] Monkey!
[Monkey gives the rope to Mantis and charges into battle]
Mantis: What was I thinking?
Tai Lung: [to Zeng] I'm glad Shifu sent you. I was beginning to think I'd been forgotten...
[grabs Zeng's throat]
Tai Lung: Go and tell Shifu that the REAL Dragon Warrior is coming home!
[throws him into the sky]
Tai Lung: [attacking Shifu] Everything I did, I did to make you proud! Tell me how proud you are Shifu! Tell me! TELL ME!
[he knocks Shifu to the ground]
Shifu: [quiet and sad] I have always been proud of you. From the first moment I've been... proud of you. And it was my pride that blinded me. I loved you too much to see what you were becoming. What I... was turning you into. I'm s... I'm sorry.
[long pause, then Tai Lung growls and seizes Shifu by the throat]
Tai Lung: I don't want your apology! I want my scroll!
Shifu: You are not the Dragon Warrior! You will never be the Dragon Warrior until you learn the secret of the Dragon Scroll!
Po: [looking up at the scroll] Oh. So, how does this work, do you have a ladder or a trampoline or something?
Shifu: You think it's that easy, that I'm just going to hand you the secret to limitless power? No! One must first master the very highest level of kung fu, and that is clearly impossible when that one is someone like you!
Po: Someone like me?
Shifu: Yes! Look at you!
Shifu: This fat butt! Flabby arms!
Po: Ow! Those are sensitive in the flabby parts.
Shifu: This ridiculous belly!
Shifu: And your utter disregard for personal hygiene!
Po: Now wait a minute, that's a little uncalled for!
Shifu: Don't stand that close, I can smell your breath!
Po: Listen, Oogway said that I was...
[Shifu grabs his finger]
Po: The Wuxi finger hold! No, not the Wuxi finger hold!
Shifu: Oh-hoho, you know this hold.
Po: Developed by Master Wuxi in the third dynasty, yes!
Shifu: Oh, then you must know what happens when I flex my pinky...
Po: [gasps] No no no no!
Shifu: You know the hardest part of this? The hardest part... is cleaning up afterwards.
Po: Okay, okay take it easy...
Shifu: Now listen closely, panda. Oogway may have picked you, but when I'm through, I promise you, you're going to wish he hadn't! Are we clear?
Po: Oh, yeah! We're clear, we're clear, we're so clear!
Shifu: [chuckling] Good. I can't wait to get started.
Tai Lung: Where's the Dragon Warrior?
Tigress: How do you know you're not looking at her?
Tai Lung: [laughs] You think I'm a fool? I know you're not the Dragon Warrior. None of you! I heard how he fell from the sky on a ball of fire. That he's a warrior unlike anything the world has ever seen!
Tai Lung: So that is his name. Po. At last, a worthy opponent. Our battle will be legendary!
Commander Vachir: Hey, tough guy! Did you hear? Oogway is about to give someone the Dragon Scroll, and it's not gonna be you.
Zeng: What are you doing? Don't make him mad!
Commander Vachir: What's he gonna do? I've got him completely immobilized.
[Stomps on Tai Lung's tail; he doesn't even flinch]
Commander Vachir: Oh, did I step on the widdle kitty's tail? Aw.
Zeng: Tai Lung is free! I must warn Shifu!
Commander Vachir: You're not going anywhere, and neither is he!