Kung Fu Panda (2008)
Po: Maybe I should just quit and go back to making noodles.
Oogway: Quit, don't quit? Noodles, don't noodles? You are too concerned about what was and what will be. There is a saying: yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the "present."
Oogway: My friend, the panda will never fulfill his destiny, nor you yours until you let go of the illusion of control.
[points at peach tree]
Oogway: Look at this tree, Shifu: I cannot make it blossom when it suits me nor make it bear fruit before its time.
Shifu: But there are things we *can* control: I can control when the fruit will fall, I can control where to plant the seed: that is no illusion, Master!
Oogway: Ah, yes. But no matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.
Shifu: But a peach cannot defeat Tai Lung!
Oogway: Maybe it can, if you are willing to guide, to nurture it, to believe in it.
Shifu: But how? How? I need your help, master.
Oogway: No, you just need to believe. Promise me, Shifu, promise me you will believe.
Shifu: One must first master the highest level of kung fu, and that is clearly impossible if that one is someone like you.
Po: Someone like me?
Shifu: Yes! Look at you! This fat butt-
[he whacks Po on his butt]
Shifu: ...Flabby arms-
[he hits Po on his arm]
Po: Those are sensitive in the flabby parts...
Shifu: And this ridiculous belly!
Shifu: And your utter disregard for personal hygiene!
Po: Now wait a minute, that was a little uncalled for...
Shifu: Don't stand that close, I can smell your breath.
Po: Listen, Oogway said that I was-
[Shifu grabs his finger and he gasps]
Po: The Wuxi finger hold? No no, the Wuxi finger hold!
Shifu: Oh-hoho, you know this hold?
Po: Developed by Master Wuxi in the 3rd dynasty, yes!
Shifu: Oh, then you must know what happens when I flex my pinkie?
Po: [gasps] No no no no!
Shifu: You know the hardest part of this? The hardest part is cleaning up afterwards.
Po: Okay... Okay take it easy...
[Po falls to his knees]
Shifu: Now listen closely, panda. Oogway may have picked you, but when I'm through, I promise you, you're going to wish he hadn't! Are we clear?
Po: Oh, yeah! We're clear, we're clear, we're so clear!
Shifu: I can't wait to get started.
Mr. Ping: The secret ingredient is... nothing!
Mr. Ping: You heard me. Nothing! There is no secret ingredient.
Po: Wait, wait... it's just plain old noodle soup? You don't add some kind of special sauce or something?
Mr. Ping: Don't have to. To make something special you just have to believe it's special.
[Po looks at the scroll again, and sees his reflection in it]
Po: There is no secret ingredient...
Oogway: There are no accidents.
Shifu: [sighs] Yes, I know. You've already said that twice.
Oogway: That was no accident either.
Oogway: One often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it.
Po: There is no charge for awesomeness... or attractiveness.
Po: Legend tells of a legendary warrior whose kung fu skills were the stuff of legend.
Po: He was so deadly, in fact, that his enemies would go blind from over-exposure to pure awesomeness!
Tigress: Shifu loved Tai Lung like he had never loved anyone before... or since. And now, he has a chance to make things right. To train the true Dragon Warrior. And he's stuck with you, a big, fat panda who treats it like a joke.
[Po makes a sudden funny face and Tigress gets angry and attempts to smack him]
Tigress: Oh that is it!
Mantis: Wait, my fault! I accidentally tweaked his facial nerve!
[Po falls to the ground revealing a lot of needles in his back]
Mantis: And may have also stopped his heart.
Po: [checking to make sure Shifu is okay after his fight with Tai Lung] Master! Shifu! Shifu, are you okay?
Shifu: [coughs] Po, you're alive. Or we're both dead.
Po: No, Master I didn't die. I defeated Tai Lung.
Shifu: You did?
[Po nods and smiles]
Shifu: Wow. It is as Oogway foretold, you are the Dragon Warrior. You have brought peace to this valley and... and to me. Thank you, thank you Po. Thank you, thank you.
[slowly lays his head back down, assumingly dead]
Po: [Po looks disbelievingly at the red panda] No! No no no, don't die, Shifu please!
Shifu: I'm not dying, you idiot!
[he catches himself]
Shifu: Ah, Dragon Warrior, I am simply at peace.
[lays down and folds his hands together, smiling]
Po: Ooh, so um, I should... stop talking?
Shifu: If you can.
Tai Lung: Who are you?
Po: Buddy, I... am the Dragon Warrior!
[bows over, panting from the stairs]
Tai Lung: [incredulous] You?
Tai Lung: He's a panda! You're a panda! What are you gonna do, big guy? Sit on me?
Po: Don't tempt me.
Tai Lung: You can't defeat me! You... you're just a big... fat... panda!
[He throws a weak punch, Po catches his hand by the finger]
Po: I'm not a big fat panda. I'm THE big fat panda.
Tai Lung: The Wuxi finger hold!
Po: Oh, you know this hold?
Tai Lung: You're bluffing. You're bluffing! Shifu didn't teach you that.
Po: Nope. I figured it out. Skadoosh!
Po: The Furious Five! You look a lot bigger than your action figures! Except you, Mantis. You're about the same.
[Po slurps up noodles, one ends up draped on his nose like Shifu's mustaches. Everyone starts chuckling]
Mantis: Oh, nothing... Master Shifu.
Po: Oh, yeah, yeah.
Po: You'll never be the Dragon Warrior, unless you lose 500 pounds and brush your teeth!
[everyone except Tigress laughs]
Po: What is that noise you're making? Laughter? I never heard of it! Work hard, panda, and someday, you will have ears like mine.
Shifu: Let us begin.
Po: What? Uh... I don't think I can do all those moves right away.
Shifu: [chuckles] Well, we'll never know unless we try, will we?
Po: Well, maybe we could start out with something more at, you know, my level.
Shifu: And what level is that?
Po: Uh... level zero? How about that, level zero?
Shifu: [chuckles] There is no such thing as level zero.
Po: Well, what about that?
[He indicates a small dummy]
Shifu: That? We use that for training children, and for propping the door open when it gets hot. But, if you insist...
Tigress: [seeing Po bounce down the palace steps] If he's smart, he won't come back up those steps.
Monkey: But he will.
Viper: He's not gonna quit, is he?
Mantis: He's not gonna quit bouncing, I'll tell you that.
Po: The Sword of Heroes! Said to be so sharp you can get cut just by looking at - Ow!
Oogway: [walking towards Po] Ah! I see that you have found the Sacred Peach Tree of Heavenly Wisdom!
Po: [Po turns around with a lot of peaches stuffed in his mouth] Oh! Is that what this is? I'm so sorry! I just thought it was a regular peach tree!
Shifu: [intercepting Po, who is fleeing the temple after learning he has to face Tai Lung soon] You cannot leave! A real warrior never quits!
Po: Watch me!
[tries to run around Shifu]
Po: Come on! How am I supposed to beat Tai Lung? I can't even beat you to the stairs!
Shifu: You will beat him because you are the Dragon Warrior!
[pokes Po in his stomach]
Po: You don't believe that!
[Shifu swipes at his hand with Oogway's stick]
Po: You never believed that! From the first moment I got here, you've been trying to get rid of me!
[Shifu knocks him to the ground]
Shifu: Yes! I was! But now I ask you to trust in your master as I have come to trust in mine.
Po: You're not my master. And I'm not the Dragon Warrior.
Shifu: Then why didn't you quit? You knew I was trying to get rid of you, yet you stayed!
Po: Yeah, I stayed. I stayed because everytime you threw a brick at my head or said I smelled; it hurt, but it could never hurt more than everyday of my life just being me. I stayed because I thought if anyone can change me, can make me not me, it was you! The greatest kung fu teacher in all of China!
Shifu: I can change you! I can turn you into the Dragon Warrior! And I will!
Po: Come on! Tai Lung is on his way here right now! And even if it takes him a hundred years to get here, how are *you* gonna change *this* into the Dragon Warrior? Huh? How? How? How!
Shifu: I don't know!
Shifu: I don't know.
Po: [sighs and frowns sadly] That's what I thought.
Shifu: Our only hope is the Dragon Warrior.
Tigress: The panda?
Shifu: Yes, the panda!
Tigress: Master, please!
[pushes chair out]
Tigress: Let us stop Tai Lung, this is what you've trained us for!
Shifu: No! It is not your destiny to defeat Tai Lung, it is his!
[points at Po, then realizes he's not there]
Shifu: Where'd he go?
Po: [breathing heavily] I know you're trying to be all mystical and Kung Fu-ey, but could you tell me where we're going?
Shifu: [after having dragged Po up the mountain and said Panda is trying to cool down] Panda, we do not wash our pits in the Pool of Sacred Tears.
Po: [quickly shakes his hand off] The Pool of-?
Shifu: This is where Oogway unraveled the mysteries of harmony and focus. This is the birth place of kung fu.
[Po is shocked, and it shows a glimpse of Oogway before Shifu jumps up to a giant rock]
Shifu: Do you want to learn kung fu?
Shifu: Then I *am* your master!
Shifu: Don't cry.
[wipes his nose and smiles]
[after completing his training]
Shifu: You have done well, Panda.
Po: Done well? Done well? Ha, I've done awesome!
Shifu: The sign of a true hero is humility. But, yes, you have done...
[elbows Po, causing him to stagger]
Shifu: ... awesome.
Shifu: When you focus on kung fu, when you concentrate... you stink.
Shifu: But perhaps that is my fault. I cannot train you the way I have trained the Five. I now see that the way to get through to you is, with this.
[pulls out a bowl of dumplings]
Po: Oh great, 'cause I am hungry!
Shifu: [laughs and pulls the bowl away] Good. When you have been trained, you may eat.
[He eats a dumpling]
Shifu: Let us begin.
[Tai-Lung's nerve strikes are only tickling Po]
Po: [laughing] Stop! I'm gonna pee!
Tigress: You don't belong here.
Po: Yeah, I know. Your room.
Tigress: No, I mean you don't belong in the Jade Palace. You're a disgrace to kung fu, and if you have any respect for what we are and what we do, you'll be gone by morning.
Po: [after awkward pause] Big fan.
Oogway: My time has come.
[hands his staff to Shifu]
Shifu: What? What are you...?
Oogway: You must now continue your journey without me.
Shifu: No! WAIT! You cannot leave me, Master!
Oogway: You must beleive...
[in a haze of peach blossoms, Oogway ascends to the heavens]
Po: They're five MASTERS, and I'm just ONE me!
Shifu: But you will have the one thing no one else has!
[Po gazes upon the Dragon Scroll and screams... ]
Po: It's blank!
Po: Here, look!
[Po holds out the scroll]
Shifu: No, I am forbidden to look upon...
[Sifu grabs the Scroll and looks for himself]
Shifu: But... I don't understand...
Po: Hey, guys...
Tigress: [bowing low before Po] Master.
[the rest of the Five follow suit]
Po: Master?... Master Shifu!
Po: [serving a noodle bowl to a customer into which he accidentally pitched a throwing star] Careful, that soup is... sharp!
Mr. Ping: We are noodle folk. Broth runs through our veins.
Viper: Are you ready?
Po: I was born read...
[Viper attacks, Po is flung and lands on his head]
Viper: I'm sorry, Brother! I thought you said you were ready.
Po: That was awesome! Let's go again!
Po: I just ate, so I'm still digesting, so my kung fu may not be as good as later on.
Shifu: Believe me, citizens, you have not seen anything yet!
Po: I know!
Shifu: But who? Who is worthy to be trusted with the secret to limitless power? To become the Dragon Warrior?
Oogway: I don't know.
Po: No! The Legendary Urn of Whispering Warriors; said to contain the souls of the entire Tenshu Army!
Po: [whispering to the urn] Hello?
Shifu: [from behind Po] Have you finished sight-seeing?
Po: [stunned, thinking the voice had come from the urn] Sorry, I should've come to see you first.
Shifu: My patience is wearing thin.
Po: Oh, well, I mean it's not like you were going anywhere.
Po: [looking around at the historical artifacts in the palace] Wow! I've only seen paintings of that painting!
Po: [standing before a training dummy] Hey, what you got? You got nothing because I got it right here. You picking on my friends? Get ready to feel the thunder. Come out with the crazy feet. What you goin' to do about the crazy feet. I'm a blur! I'm a blur! You never seen *Bear* style!
Shifu: Master! I have... it's very bad news!
Oogway: Ah, Shifu. There is just news. There is no good or bad.
Shifu: Master, your vision. Your vision was right! Tai-Lung has broken out of prison! He's on his way!
Oogway: That IS bad news.
Shifu: After you, Panda.
Po: What? Just like that? No sit-ups? No ten-mile hike?
Shifu: I vowed to train you, and you have been trained. You are free to eat.
[Po picks up his chopsticks]
[Po lifts a dumpling to his mouth, but it is snatched away]
Shifu: I said, you are free to eat. Have a dumpling.
[Po tries another dumpling, it is snatched away again]
Po: Am I?
Shifu: Are you?
Po: What are you pointing at?
Oogway: The Dragon Warrior.
Tigress: Master, were you pointing at me?
[Moves around, Oogway's finger follows him]
Oogway: [Raising Po's arm with his stick] The universe has brought us the Dragon Warrior!
Mr. Ping: What?
Crane: Look, you don't belong here.
Po: Yeah. Yeah. I know. It's just... All my life I have dreamed of...
Crane: I mean you don't belong here, in this room. This is my room. Property of Crane.
Po: Do you truly believe I'm ready for this?
Shifu: You are... Po.
Mr. Ping: That's my boy! That beautiful kung-fu warrior is my son!
Po: Thanks, Dad.
Po: You wanna get something to eat?
Shifu: [sighing] ... Yeah.
Mr. Ping: [after Po told him he had dream about noodle] This is a sign, Po!
Po: Uh, a sign of what?
Mr. Ping: You are almost ready to be entrusted with the secret ingredient of my secret ingredient soup. And then you will fulfill your destiny and take over the restaurant just as I took it over from my father who took it over from his father who won it from a friend in a game of mahjong.
[watching Po get massacred by the training hall's obstacle course]
Shifu: This'll be easier than I thought.
Shifu: [after watching Po getting beat up by the obstacle course] There is now a level zero.
Tigress: It is said that the Dragon Warrior can go for months without eating, surviving on the dew of a single ginko leaf and the energy of the universe.
Po: Then I guess my body doesn't know I'm the Dragon Warrior yet. It's gonna take a lot more than dew, and, uh, universe juice.
Tigress: One would think that Master Oogway would choose someone who actually knew kung fu.
Crane: Yeah, or could at least touch his toes.
Monkey: Or even see his toes.
Po: Ow! I thought you said acupuncture was going to make me feel better.
Mantis: Trust me, it will. It's just not easy to find the right nerve points under all this...
Mantis: Fur. I was gonna say fur.
Po: Sure you were.
Po: But dad, didn't you ever, I don't know, want to do something else? Something besides noodles?
Mr. Ping: Actually, when I was young and crazy, I thought about running away and learning how to make tofu.
Po: So why didn't you?
Mr. Ping: Oh, because it was a stupid dream; can you imagine *me* making tofu?
Mr. Ping: No: we all have our place in this world: mine is here, and yours is...
Po: I know: here.
Mr. Ping: [throws Po bowls of soup to catch] No, it's at tables two, five, seven and twelve. Service with a smile!
Gang Boss: I see you like to chew. Then perhaps you should chew... on my fist!
[smashes fist on table]
Po: [voice-over] The warrior said nothing, for his mouth was full. And then he swallowed...
Po: ...and then he spoke: "Enough talk, let's fight!"
[Tai Lung, after evading all the prison's deathtraps, leaps to the last one, a cluster of dynamite, and pulls it free]
Zeng: Can we run now?
Commander Vachir: [quavering] Yes.
Tai Lung: Finally... oh, yes... at last, the power of the Dragon Scroll shall be mine!
[He opens the scroll - and stares at it]
Tai Lung: It's... it's nothing!
Po: It's okay. I didn't get it the first time either.
Tai Lung: What?
Po: There is no secret ingredient. It's just you.
[after his defeat by Tai Lung, Master Monkey hits Po]
Monkey: He's too fast... Sorry, Po!
Tai Lung: I have come home, master.
Shifu: This is no longer your home, and I am no longer your master!
Tai Lung: Oh, yes. You have a new favorite. So where is this Po?
Tai Lung: Did I scare him off?
Shifu: This battle is between you and me.
Tai Lung: So, that is how it's going to be.
Shifu: That is how it MUST be.
[Tai Lung attacks]
Tai Lung: [growls] I rotted in jail for 20 years because of YOUR weakness!
Shifu: Obeying your master is not weakness!
Tai Lung: You knew I was the Dragon Warrior! You always knew! But when Oogway said otherwise, what did you do? What did you do? NOTHING!
Shifu: You were not meant to be the Dragon Warrior, that was not my fault!
Tai Lung: Not your fault? Who filled my head with dreams? Who drove me to train until my bones cracked? Who denied me my destiny?
Shifu: It was never my decision to make!
[gazes at Oogway's shrine and picks up his staff]
Tai Lung: It is NOW. Give me the Scroll.
Shifu: I would rather die.
Tai Lung: All I ever did, I did to make you proud! Tell me how proud you are Shifu! Tell me! TELL ME!
Shifu: I have always been proud of you. From the first moment I've been proud of you. And it was my pride that blinded me. I loved you too much to see what you were becoming, what I turned you into. I'm... I'm sorry.
Tai Lung: I don't want your apology, I want my SCROLL!
Po: [after a long battle against Master Shifu, he allows Po to eat. Po tosses away the dumpling] I'm not hungry... Master.
Shifu: Well done, students... *if* you were trying to disappoint me.
Tai Lung: [to Zeng] I'm glad Shifu sent you. I was beginning to think I'd been forgotten...
[grabs Zeng's throat]
Tai Lung: Go and tell Shifu that the REAL Dragon Warrior is coming home!
[throws him into the sky]
Zeng: [watching Tai-Lung break out of his prison restraints] We're dead. So very, very dead.
Monkey: [after the Furious Five bowed to Po in his dream] We should hang out.
Tai Lung: Shifu taught you well.
[disables Monkey with a nerve strike]
Tai Lung: But he didn't teach you everything.
Tai Lung: Where's the Dragon Warrior?
Tigress: How do you know you're not looking at her?
Tai Lung: [laughs] You think I'm a fool? I know you're not the Dragon Warrior. None of you! I heard how the Dragon Warrior fell from the sky in a ball of fire. How he's unlike anything the world has ever seen.
Tai Lung: So that's his name: Po. At last, a worthy opponent. Our battle will be legendary!
Commander Vachir: Hey, tough guy! Did you hear? Oogway is about to give someone the Dragon Scroll, and it's not gonna be you.
Zeng: What are you doing? You'll make him mad!
Commander Vachir: What's he gonna do about it? I've got him completely immobilized.
[Stomps on Tai Lung's tail; he doesn't even flinch]
Commander Vachir: Oh, did I step on the widdle kitty's tail? Aw.
Zeng: Tai Lung is free! I must warn Shifu!
Commander Vachir: You're not going anywhere, and neither is he!
Viper: [as they're fighting Tai Lung on a rope bridge] Monkey!
[Monkey gives the rope to Mantis and charges into battle]
Mantis: What was I thinking?