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Quotes

Malkavian: You look familiar. Were you ever on a milk carton?

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Newscaster: [to the crazy Malkavian character, through the TV set] Police don't have any suspects at this time, but they're pretty sure that it was you.

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Jeanette: What all suede kittens do... on hands and knees, you lap up the milk of me... and we purr, kitten, like dragonflies buzzing around frog bellies.

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Jeanette: I can tell you and I are going to get along just like fire hoses. When we get turned on, there's bound to be flames!

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Jeanette: I can tell you and I are going to get along just like fire hoses.

Ventrue: Fire hoses?

Jeanette: When we get turned on, there's bound to be flames.

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Jeanette: I'm the finger down your spine when all the lights are out. I'm the name on all the men's room walls. When I pout, the whole world tries to make me smile. And everyone always wants to know, who... is... that girl?

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Beckett: [On how to open the Ankaran Sarcophagus] In the last few seconds, I've had very few epiphanies. I may be old, but I didn't build it. How knowledgeable are you on ancient Assyrian funerary constructs?

Malkavian: "TNT" and "key" have the same amount of letters.

Beckett: Ugh! Yes, how foolish of me, that would be the sound, reasonable course of action. A priceless piece of history - by all means run out and pick up some TNT.

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Heather: While you were gone, I tapped my foot over three thousand times. I-I don't know why I counted... huh.

Malkavian: Now we know how many foot taps it takes to make me appear. Wonderful.

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Malkavian: You are the whiteness, she of alabaster and ivory.

Jeanette: Ha! Wait until Therese hears that! I am white to her black. She'll be absolutely furious. Of course, I won't be wearing white to any weddings, but... we can talk about that later.

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Smiling Jack: RATSUCKER! HAHAHAHAHA! Hey, just a head's up: "polite" vampire society kinda frowns on that sorta thing.

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Smiling Jack: ...Blood! It's your new leg of lamb, your new champagne, your new fucking heroin!

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Mercurio: Call me old fashioned, but I don't believe in talking about that stuff in front of a woman.

Ventrue: Call me old fashioned, but I believe a knee to the balls tends to make a guy talk.

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Radio Ad: Friggin Chicken- You'll swear it's the best you've ever had!

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Pisha: Real terror is not the sight of death, it is the fear of death. What is the fear of death? Terror of the unknown. Is it these eyes you peer into? No, I am not the unknown. You an I are closer kin than you and it were.

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Damsel: Ohoho! You wanna know what my problem is? Alright, I'll tell you what my problem is. You are my God-Damned problem! Anyone who'd lay it down for some cape in an ivory tower deserves what they get.

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Smiling Jack: Nobody's arguin' that. And if they tell you that's what this war's all about, then they're really givin ya the full fist!

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Damsel: No, no more questions! Everytime I talk to you I just wanna smack you! It's like talking to a brick wall you wanna take down with a sledge hammer!

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Malkavian: Why must all the hoops be on fire?

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Malkavian: [to a stop sign] No, you stop!

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Smiling Jack: Every time I yank a jawbone from a skull and ram it into an eyesocket, I know I'm building a better future.

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Smiling Jack: Me I don't care what you do, but - just os you know - polite vampire sociey looks down on that kind of thing.

Toreador: Pfft. They can be polite and pass me the salt for my rat!

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Jeanette: Oooh, what do we have here? Another scrumptious young plaything straight out of life and into my club? Mmm... you smell new, little boy, like fabric softener dew on freshly mowed Astroturf. Oh, I'm not frightening you, am I, duckling?

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Smiling Jack: The Sabbat are worthless, man. Fake tits on a zombie worthless. Fun to watch though. Like the Three Stooges with chainsaws.

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Jeanette: [after having sex with another vampire] How do I amuse myself this time? I wish I had my hairbrush.

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Spicoli: Where did i park my car again? Oh wait - I don't even have a car, dude!

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Spicoli: All food should have like, a creamy center. And a colorful shell. And their commercial should have like, kung-fu or a giraffe.

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Andrei: Do you ever worry, Deb, that the world is going to end?

The Deb of Night: I haven't felt that way since Brad Pitt got married!

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Beckett: It's not that I don't love walking into the heart of danger to curry favor with the local magistrate of the hour, but... actually, that's exactly it.

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Bertram Tung: Ah, shit, a Malkavian. And you ran into Knox, too? You guys must've had quite a conversation. Not a working brain cell between the two of you. Oh well.

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Smiling Jack: What a scene, man! Hoo-wee! Then they just plop ya out here like a naked baby in the woods!

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Fat Larry: I am the proprietor and salesman of the month several years in a row; the ladies call me "Oh, god!", but you can call me Fat Larry with a F-A-T 'cause there's mo' of me to love.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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