Cryptozoologist Doctor Peña ('Giancarlo Esposito') traps the legendary Chupacabra on a remote Caribbean Island to make his name in the scientific community. When he smuggles it aboard the cruise ship Regent Queen, commanded by Captain Randolph, (John Rhys-Davies), the monster breaks out of the cargo hold and makes a smorgasbord out of the passengers and crew. Navy SEALs are called in to evacuate the ship and battle the monster, but it ultimately comes down to Captain Randolph, his daughter Jenny (Chelan Simmons), and Federal Marshall Lance Thompson ('Dylan Neal') to save the day. Written by
Steve Jankowski & John Shepphird
Commonly I have a way of finding entertainment in watching a SyFy channel movie, not this time. Chupacabra Terror explores dimensions of stupidity that I couldn't even ponder to have lingered in existence. Almost every aspect to be observed from watching this is cringe-worthy. From the story, to the acting, the terrible score, and the dialogue. It's crazy to fathom that some Nimrod(s) were satisfied with the way this would unfold. But of course, the fact remains that since this IS a SyFy channel film, some would presume that the grotesque quality of this picture should be pardoned - not on my watch.
To be fairly concise, the reason I have found much comfort in viewing a SyFy film in the past and present is merely for moments of laughter during randomly terrible directed sequences, and the resort of creativity borne on the obstacle of low budgeting. In this film, there isn't a whole lot of the laughter part as I'd hoped, but much less of the creativity to even look forward to. With the exception of a neat design for the title monster, the overall look was intriguing, but most shots were in dark environments, or of fast, unfocused motions. Leaving little to be recognized.
Aside from Gimli, the acting is pretty much horrible. Again, nothing you shouldn't expect. What really had me prepared to rip my hair out of my scalp though was the horrendous excuse for musical composition! Now I know I shouldn't be expecting John Williams quality on the SyFy channel, but come on! Straight from the get-go we are introduced to one of the worst scores known to mankind. An obnoxious tuba passing for art... Now that's dreadful. Some advice to anyone with working ears, if you see the name Penka Kouneva in opening credits, save yourself.
Anyways, if you're wondering why I decided to give two stars in lieu of just one, it's basically due to some moment of dialogue that left me trying to catch my breath from laughter. To point out one:
*guard hands out rifles to security members in the wake of a murder*
"Be careful, they're loaded!" (who would have guessed?)
0 of 0 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful to you?