What, in the eternal majesty of God's wonder, is this???
A 'fun' arcade game it may well have been in it's day, but one cannot play Moonwalker today without feeling dirty or somewhat guilty. Based on the 'movie' of the same name, Moonwalker is just as weird, bizarre and outrageously self-glorifying as Wacko Jacko himself.
You take on the role of a suspected pedo, dressed in a white gangster suit, who must rescue children (hidden in closets, drawers, garbage cans) from the evil Mr. Big. Upon being rescued these kids respond joyously with 'MICHAEL', knowing that they are now safe with the King of Pop. You need to rescue all the little sprogs in every level before you meet the end-level boss. But some children are too well hidden.
And who IS this Mr. Big exactly. The Jacko of 1989 fighting against a child-napper, who's motives for stealing kids is unknown in the game, seems prophetic in a split-personality kind of way. Just like in Thriller where he played a ghoulish, inhuman beast, eerily foreshadowing the future.
The gameplay itself is ludicrous. As you (moon)walk across the various levels (some generic, some inspired by his 'classic' music videos) you'll encounter baddies like gangsters and zombies and your amazing way of killing them is...dancing them do death. Seriously! It's not Jesus Juice, it's Jacko Jamming! You hit the special attack button and Jacko will suddenly yell 'OW!' before strutting his lethal stuff. After which, the baddies will be vanquished somehow. After playing this game you'll be exhilarated and mentally exhausted at Jacko's killer moves. You'll be reduced to a dribbling wreck. He's so good, that even passing-by animals will join in and shake their asses. If you ever wanted to play a game in which even an innocent dog is hypnotised by Jacko into dancing Thriller then this is for you. But I don't want to know you.
The music is no more than low-quality samples of Smooth Criminal and Thriller, as you should know this music follows Jacko everywhere he goes in real life and will change depending on where he is.
In the later levels, if you catch a falling star Jacko will turn into a huge robot. Of course. Like in the film, I just can't get over the feeling that Jacko only included this because he wants to see himself 100 feet high. It's ridiculous and has nothing to do with anything! But in a moronic, hopelessly out-dated video game I suppose it's okay. It was kind of easy to finish too and I never really played it again afterwards. But these days, it leaves a bad taste in your mouth and I can understand why no one would want to play it again.
Graphics C Sound C Gameplay D Lasting Appeal F
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