Jim Davis:
I see dumb people.
Mike Alvarez:
How was it like to straight up whack em up ?
Jim Davis:
Point and shoot. Pop, pop - move on! You do not stop and think!
Jim Davis:
I'm a soldier of the apocalypse, man!
Jim Davis:
I'll be a super recruit!
Sylvia:
You're crazy and you're dangerous and my biggest nightmare is you with a fucking badge!
Sylvia:
You look like a gift-wrapped turd!
Jim Davis:
[
after Mike shows Jim a six pack bought by Sylvia for getting a job callback - which was really Jim pretending] Now we know beer is only a phone call away.
Polygraph Expert:
I've been doing polygraph tests since before you were swimming in your father's balls. Now either you've got a tack in your shoe, or you're clenching your butt.
Jim Davis:
What if I punch you in the belly.
Jim Davis:
You point and shoot... pop pop... move on... fuck em they shouldn't have been there... you move the fuck on... you do not stop and think about it... it's not a big deal.
Jim Davis:
"Mr. Jim Davis, we regret to"... what? Man, how many... I had two beers, right?
Mike Alvarez:
Yeah.
Jim Davis:
I'm goin' fuckin' blind or something. Okay, this letter says, quoting, "... no longer eligible as a Police Officer candidate." What the fuck does that mean?
Mike Alvarez:
Come on, dude. "No longer eligible", I mean, what does that sound like? They pulled the plug, dude.
Jim Davis:
No, no. Wh-why? Oh, man, I bet you 'cause it's... I bet you it's 'cause I'm White.
Mike Alvarez:
I bet it's 'cause you're a dick.
Jim Davis:
Damn, those are bad-ass kicks, dawg. You're lucky you got little bitch feet, or else I'd be stompin' around in them mother fuckers.
Sylvia:
Jim, good luck on your pee test. I hope you studied.
Jim Davis:
I'm gonna cram for it!
Jim Davis:
Fuck you, God! You ain't got the fuckin' balls to take my ass!
Toussant:
Dude, I ain't hangin' around you anymore until you get some fuckin' help.
Jim Davis:
You can 12-step off, bitch. You're dismissed.
Jim Davis:
It's good you're doing positive shit!
Leo:
[
pointing firearm at Mike and Jim] Blink and die, scumbag!
Jim Davis:
Hey, later, Patty! I hope you're not pregnant, but you know you wanted me to blow in you.
Patty:
[
gives him the finger] Fuck you!
Sylvia:
You have to keep trying until something happens. Finding a job is a job, right?
Mike Alvarez:
I've been workin' all day. I've been lookin' for work all day.
[
final lines]
Mike Alvarez:
I love you, fuckin' shit bag.
Jim Davis:
I love you too. I'm gonna miss you, brother. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Mike Alvarez:
Everything's gonna be okay.
Jim Davis:
Yeah. Yeah. I know.
Jim Davis:
I wanna get fucked up.
Jim Davis:
Man, fuck the sticks! LA city's the shit!
Jim Davis:
That's a lotta lettuce!
Jim Davis:
Trigger time?
Jim Davis:
White people program shit. You ain't down? Fuck you.
Jim Davis:
Put the fucking gun to my head and pull the trigger. Nobody's gonna know. Just you and me and God.
Mike Alvarez:
Be cool, baby girl! I'm on a mission to get my shit together!
Jim Davis:
Freeze, bitch! I'm gonna take that big ass of yours home!
[
Jim and Mike are in their car at a red light]
Jim Davis:
This fucks up my plan. This is fucking bullshit. Okay, this, these fucking arseholes, this fuck,
[
begins punching the car horn with each syllable]
Jim Davis:
These. Fucking. Arse. Holes! What the fuck is their problem man? This is fucking typical! Gah! Hate-game bullshit!
Mike Alvarez:
Yo, yo. Fucking chill Magilla Gorilla. I mean you're tripping dude.
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