Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory (2005 Video Game)
Sam Fisher: Lasers? Lasers are so...
Sam Fisher: I was going to say "seventies". Could you please stop making me feel old?
Anna: I've got bad news for you, Sam, you *are* old.
[Fisher shoots a civilian who was tortured to death]
Irving Lambert: Fisher! What the hell are you doing?
Sam Fisher: Just making sure he wasn't suffering.
Irving Lambert: Well, leaving NATO rounds in his body isn't going to look good, is it? Get back to work!
Irving Lambert: [alternative] Sam, leave the body and move on.
[Sam releases the body]
Irving Lambert: I told you to leave the body! We don't have time for this
Sam Fisher: I don't have to leave him hanging here like a piece of meat. You can spare 30 seconds for some simple dignity.
Douglas Shetland: [pointing guns at one another] It doesn't have to end like this, Sam.
Sam Fisher: No, but it does have to end.
Douglas Shetland: On that we agree. We've been fighting thei dirty little wars our whole lives, and where do we end up? Staring at each other down the barrels of our guns. Nothing has changed, Sam, but I won't change my degrees. We have to tear it down and start over; it's the only way.
Sam Fisher: Your own little Chaos Theory; throw the whole world into war and hope that what comes out the other side is better?
Douglas Shetland: It will be better because this war will change things, Sam. Every other war has been about keeping things the same, but the status quo doesn't work anymore. America is sick, Sam... she's dying; the politicians, the bureaucrats, the whispered backroom deals, it's all life support for a sick old woman who was dead long ago.
Sam Fisher: The only backroom deals I've seen lately have been made by you. You're a murderer and a war criminal.
Douglas Shetland: Those are the only names the state has for the revolutionaries. You only become a hero after the war is over. You know the truth; the world is built from the bottom-up, not the other way around. Honor, courage, fidelity, we don't inherit these things from the world, Sam; we build the world from them. You believe in these things more than any government, and I know because of it you wouldn't shoot and old friend
Sam Fisher: [staring over Shetland's corpse] You're right, Doug; I wouldn't shoot an old friend.
Bank Guard: Hey, Emilio, have you seen these new motion sensing lights?
Emilio: No! What do they do?
Bank Guard: When they detect movement, the light turns on!
Emilio: Dat's-dat's amazing!
Bank Guard: Like magic!
Sam Fisher: [at a Japanese tea house, Sam has grabbed a guard from behind in a choke-hold] Bad news.
Guard: Agh! I knew it! I knew there were ninjas around here!
Sam Fisher: What?
Guard: Yeah, you've gotta be a ninja. How else could you sneak up and grab me like that?
Sam Fisher: Listen, I don't know what...
Guard: Wow! A real, live, ninja! I can't believe it!
Sam Fisher: Listen, I'm going to kill you if...
Guard: *Wow*! Killed by a ninja... cool!
Captain Arthur Partridge: When was the last time I saw you?
Sam Fisher: I'm afraid I have no recollection of that, Senator.
Captain Arthur Partridge: That's right!
Anna: The Maria Narcissa.
Sam Fisher: Sounds like your setting me up for another blind date.
Anna: The Maria Narcissa is a boat.
Sam Fisher: So was the last girl you set me up with.
Sam Fisher: Sorry.
Sam Fisher: Lambert, now that I got 50 million bucks with me, it's time to talk about a raise.
Irving Lambert: Hmmm. 25 cents an hour and not a penny more.
Sam Fisher: Deal.
Sam Fisher: [after putting the exec. in a chokehold] Nice suit. Italian?
Displace Executive: Grrgghhh... yes! Andretti!
Sam Fisher: What?
Displace Executive: Andretti; famous designer: men's suits and tuxedos.
Sam Fisher: I'm not a tuxedo kind of guy.
Displace Executive: Grrrrgghhhh... are you a spy?
Sam Fisher: Yeah, the real kind, not the tuxedo kind. I'm the kind that makes you bleed all over your Andretti unless you give me information!
Displace Executive: Oh, God!
Admiral Toshiro Otomo: American! What have you done?
Sam Fisher: Give it up, Admiral; it's over.
Admiral Toshiro Otomo: Ha! Do you think that I will surrender to you? Allow your people to strip me of my dignity? Throw me in chains? No, my people have endured your *charming* oppression for more than sixty years!
Sam Fisher: You say tomato...
Admiral Toshiro Otomo: Americans; always turning to their jokes when their hearts are full of fear. You should be afraid; I may be defeated, but I am a man and ideas are stronger than men. You may have stopped this war, American, but the dragon has been awakened, and he will not be so easily sedated this time.
[Otomo unsheathes a sword and attempts to commit Sepuku]
Irving Lambert: [over Fisher's radio] What happened?
Sam Fisher: I think someone is taking himself a little too seriously.
Irving Lambert: Well, we can't afford to let him die, Fisher. Get in there and stablize him. Hurry!
Sam Fisher: [interrogating the base commander] It's a game of position, colonel and you've already lost. Do you need to condemn 50,000 men, as well?
North Korean Colonel: They're not my men, they're your men, American.
Sam Fisher: They're not my men, Colonel, they're just men, sons, husbands and fathers like you and me. Do they need to die for our mistakes?
Guard: [after being taken captive by Sam at the ISDF Building] Who are you?
Sam Fisher: I'm the good guy here to save your world
Guard: I thought I was the good guy
Sam Fisher: No, no you're the side with the super secret underground base and I'm the guy who's trying to break in to the base which makes me the good guy.
Guard: [after being taken captive by Sam on the roof of the Displace office] Hey who are you?
Sam Fisher: Pretend I'm Harry Tuttle
Sam Fisher: I'm an ill-tempered, heavily-armed heating engineer asking about your ventilation system.
Guard: I guess, I guess it's not working properly since the blackout
Sam Fisher: So it shouldn't take much to shut down that big fan if i wanted to.
Guard: I, I don't know why would you want to do that?
Sam Fisher: The adventure, the travel.
Anna: The missile is closing in fast on the U.S.S. Ronald Reagan.
Sam Fisher: Wait a minute... did you just say I have to win one for the Gipper?
Anna: Dude, what does that even mean?
Sam Fisher: Never mind. You're right Grim; I am old.
Sam Fisher: [taking a Peruvian guard captive] You look important.
Guard: I am loyal you will get nothing from me.
Sam Fisher: Is that so? Hmm. It looks like you forgot to shave this morning, here let me help.
[starts sliding his knife]
Guard: Hey, what are you doing? OK. OK. What do you want to know?
Irving Lambert: [after stabilizing Admiral Otomo] Okay, Fisher, he's stable. Now, for your extraction; you'll have to blast your way out.
[of the submerged Japanese ISDF headquarters]
Sam Fisher: [shouts] We're over a hundred feet under water!
Irving Lambert: But you're not pressurized. It will be a shock, but you won't get the bends.
Sam Fisher: Next time, you're going on the mission and I'm coming up with the crazy plan.
Sam Fisher: You weren't working for government during the Gulf War?
Anna: No. I was in tenth grade.
Sam Fisher: Oh. Right. Yuck.
Sam Fisher: [Sam disables a propaganda tower]
Irving Lambert: Good thinking, Fisher. Disabling them will improve our boys' morale.
Sam Fisher: Our boys? I only did it because it was killing me.
Irving Lambert: [later] Way to go, Fisher, that's all three.
Sam Fisher: Thank God.
Irving Lambert: [Sam reaches a crash site] Fisher, that plane is way too damaged for you to retrieve that information, but we can't let it fall into North Korean hands. NKA recovery teams are already inbound. Call an air strike on the area.
Sam Fisher: And leave those pilots to die?
Irving Lambert: You have your orders. Call the air strike. That building will be a perfect vantage point.
[Sam picks one up]
Irving Lambert: Fisher, I told you to leave them and call the air strike!
Sam Fisher: Yeah, well, you gave me my orders, and I'll follow them, once I get the pilots out.
Irving Lambert: If you compromise the mission...
[Sam saves one]
Irving Lambert: Great. Now you can call that air strike.
[Sam picks up the other]
Irving Lambert: What are you doing?
Sam Fisher: No point saving one and not the other.
Irving Lambert: Fisher, you don't even exist. You won't get any medals for this.
Sam Fisher: Medals won't help me sleep at night.
Irving Lambert: Now you've saved both of them. Can you call that air strike now?
Irving Lambert: Looks like there's an active alarm system...
Sam Fisher: Let me guess - three alarms and it's over?
Irving Lambert: Of course not! This is no video game, Fisher.
Irving Lambert: Fisher! Fisher! Come in!
Sam Fisher: Yeah. I'm... ok. They wanted to interrogate me.
Irving Lambert: Interrogate you? They couldn't have had time. You were only gone for a few minutes!
Sam Fisher: Good.
Irving Lambert: [as Sam is entering the torture room] Doesn't sound too good down there Fisher
Sam Fisher: The sound isn't the problem... you should smell it...
Irving Lambert: You're sure he's dead?
Sam Fisher: Deader than Elvis!
Guard: [after spotting Sam] Say hello to my little friend!
Sam Fisher: Talk, but talk quietly.
Guard: I'll tell you anything. I'm the biggest coward you've ever met.
Sam Fisher: That's quite a claim.
Guard: I've already wet myself.
Sam Fisher: Well, then you've made the top ten. Where's Zherkezhi?
Guard: Somewhere at the far end. In the tea house maybe.
Sam Fisher: All right, I think it's time for you to take a nap now.
Guard: I'm such a coward. You should kill me anyway, I dont deserve to live.
Sam Fisher: You are pretty spineless, actually.
Guard: I'm so ashamed.
Guard: J-Jesus! Who are you?
Sam Fisher: I'm the monster in the closet.
Sam Fisher: Sssh, I'm not going to hurt you.
Guard: Wh-who are you? Wait a minute... i-is this a training exercise?
Sam Fisher: Ohh damn...
[pretends to communicate to his superiors, 'receives' orders through earpiece]
Sam Fisher: Support, this guy knows its an exercise. Who let the cat out of the bag?
Guard: Huh! I knew it!
Sam Fisher: [to 'Support'] Roger that. Yeah. Ok...
Sam Fisher: [to guard] Gimme a hand here pal. Just play along. Name, rank and number?
Guard: Corporal Stan Donnelly 24-28-9-9-6.
Sam Fisher: And your not going to tell me anything else?
Guard: No sir!
Sam Fisher: Good boy.
Sam Fisher: [to 'Support'] All right, want me to move onto the next one? Yeah. Roger. Huh, ok I'll ask...
Sam Fisher: [to guard] Command wants to know how many are on the roof.
Guard: Two men on the roof, sir. Two more inbound in a chopper.
Sam Fisher: Thanks. Dismissed.
Sam Fisher: What are you doing here?
South Korean Soldier: Wait you are American, I am South Korean. We're allies!
Sam Fisher: I can see that from the uniform, what are you doing here?
South Korean Soldier: I am the advance scout for my unit, they're not far behind.
Sam Fisher: How many?
South Korean Soldier: Four more. Allies, allies! We're badly reduced, can you help us?
Sam Fisher: I'm afraid i'm a little busy.
South Korean Soldier: Who are you?
Sam Fisher: I'm the guy you never saw.
South Korean Soldier: If you don't let me tell my unit, they won't know you're on our side! Please we're allies!
South Korean Soldier: [Yelling at North Korean Soldier] Come on you commie bastards, take that!
Douglas Shetland: Blood is thicker than water, Sam, and you and I have bled a lot together.
Sam Fisher: [having grabbed one of the men torturing Morganholt] I already don't like you, so don't make this any worse for yourself.
Sam Fisher: [Sam has grabbed a bathhouse patron from behind] What are you doing here?
Bathhouse Patron: Wha-? What are YOU... doing here?
Sam Fisher: Are you stupid? I have a knife to your throat.
Bathhouse Patron: My skin is IMPENETRABLE! I am FEARLESS! I am... RED NISHIN!
Sam Fisher: You're a member of Red Nishin?
Bathhouse Patron: No one here... would DARE harm me! They would see EVERYONE they'd ever known slowly TORTURED to DEATH, before they meet the same fate!
Sam Fisher: Okay, fine. Just tell me one thing: What does "Red Nishin" mean?
Bathhouse Patron: A Nishin! It is a kind of fish! A small, silvery fish! Very tasty when pickled!
Sam Fisher: You mean a herring?
Bathhouse Patron: Yes... YES! That's it! That's the word! RED HERRING!
Sam Fisher: [after grabbing a patrolling guard] This is private property.
Bank Guard: What are you talking about? I've been working here for two years!
Sam Fisher: Well, prove it...
Bank Guard: Okay... Well, the code to that door is... hey, wait, you're trying to trick me!
Sam Fisher: Ok, you got me, I surrender. Oh, wait, how about you tell me the code anyway and I won't be forced to hurt you?
Bank Guard: Okay, the code is...
[He gives the code]
Mercenary 1: Find any bugs?
Mercenary 2: Yeah! They're everywhere. Can't get rid them. It's like a damn insectarium here.
Mercenary 1: I mean microphones, stupid.
Mercenary 2: Oh, well... I looked a bit, but I didn't find any.
Mercenary 1: 'A bit'? What the hell does that mean? Where did you look?
Mercenary 2: Uh, like... on the table and stuff!
Mercenary 1: [annoyed] You looked on the table... for microphones.
Mercenary 2: Yeah?
Mercenary 1: [sarcastic] Gee, did you find any?
Mercenary 2: Uh... no.
Mercenary 1: [sighing] Never mind, I'll look for them myself...
William Redding: Whoa... Nice grab, Fisher. Looks like the complete data files on the North Korean UAVs.
Sam Fisher: Does that mean we can switch them off now?
William Redding: Ha, no. But we can pass the data up the chain and inside a few months figure out ways to disable them.
Sam Fisher: Then that's no help to me now, is it?
Mercenary 1: [scared, having just found a missile inside of a building] Uh... Tin
[I don't know what he says here, so anyone who do, go ahead and correct]
Mercenary 2: What is it?
Mercenary 1: I found out what that beeping sound was...
Mercenary 2: [now also scared] *Is it*?
Mercenary 1: I don't know...
Mercenary 2: Check it!
Mercenary 1: You check it!
Mercenary 2: [extremely terrified, approaching the missile] Okay!
Mercenary 1: Easy...
Mercenary 2: Take cover!
Mercenary 1: ...I want my mommy!
Sam Fisher: [after the EA-6B crashes] Lambert, we have a problem.
Guard: [Said by multiple guards] Nothing here but ghosts and shadows.