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Dinner for Schmucks (2010) Poster

Quotes

Barry: Vincent Van Gogh. Everyone said to him, "You can't be a great painter, you only have one ear." And you know what he said? "I can't hear you."

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Barry: So dare to dream. Dream your wildest dreams. You can climb the highest mountain. You can drown in a teacup, if you find a big enough teacup. And if somebody tells you that you can't do something, you say, 'Yes, I can. 'Cause I'm doing it right now!'

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Barry: In the words of John Lennon, "you may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not."

Tim: ...the only one.

Barry: The only what?

Tim: No, that's the lyric: "You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one."

Barry: Oh, OK Tim.

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Barry: [Whilst holding a picture of Nelson Mandela] He's friends with Morgan Freeman!

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Kieran: Have you ever lived among a herd of goats, for months at a time, as one of them?

Barry: No.

Kieran: That surprises me.

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Barry: When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. Unless you don't have any water or sugar. And then you just eat the lemons, and the rind will give you diarrhea.

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Tim: Any one of you would throw me under the bus for a bigger bonus, but Barry would throw himself under a car to protect a mouse... that was already dead.

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Barry: I know everything! I have laid eggs... *inside of your brain*!

Therman: Get them out of my head!

Barry: You are no longer in control of me! I control you,and you are under my power!

[whispering]

Barry: I know everything. And I release you!

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Barry: OK, may I give you some advice too? Do not wear fishnets on New Year's Eve. It's too cold. When the wind blows, you gotta go with the hose.

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Barry: Well, I try to look at the bright side. I guess you could say I'm an eternal optometrist.

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Barry: Well, these people invited us here to make fun of us. This is a contest for the biggest idiot...

[holding up trophy]

Barry: which I nailed!

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Marco - Blind Swordsman: I love to paint.

Davenport: Oh wow, are you any good?

Marco - Blind Swordsman: I don't know.

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Julie: Kieran, You remember Tim?

Kieran: [nods] ... the stock broker.

Tim: No, no. I work for a private equity firm that specializes in distressed assets.

Kieran: So, kind of a stock broker.

Tim: Almost nothing like a stock broker.

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Darla: [seductively] I'm a naughty little schoolgirl...

Barry: You look a little old to be a schoolgirl.

Darla: I need to be punished. I cheated in class. Don't you want to be my school teacher?

Barry: I'm really not qualified I work for the IRS.

Darla: [winks] Not tonight...

Barry: No, all the time. I work...

Darla: Ok, ok! You work for the IRS and I have been very, very bad. I haven't paid my taxes and I need to be spanked, NOW!

Barry: Well, that's really not the way it works, you probably just have to pay the difference, plus interest...

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Therman: Now tell us, Barry, why did your wife leave? Spit it out of your mouth. Say it. Say it, boy.

Barry: I lost her clitoris!

Robin: You lost her clitoris?

Barry: She got mad because I couldn't find it, and I said 'It's probably in your purse,' because nine times out of 10 when she loses something, that's where they end up.

Robin: Barry, do you even know what that is?

Barry: I don't know what half the stuff in her purse is.

Therman: Don't worry Barry. I found it. It was in her purse. It was in her naughty purse.

Robin: Wow. Well thank God somebody found it, right?

Barry: I thought I found it under the couch. Turns out it was just an old piece of chewing gum.

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Barry: SWITZERLAND. I LOVE SWITZERLAND. And your cheese, Does the cheese come out of the cow with the holes?

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Müeller: It's my wife's favorite finger.

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Darla: I'm a naughty schoolgirl!

Barry: You look a little old to be a schoolgirl.

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Therman: I want you to say, "You can eat my pudding."

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Kieran: Sometimes I'll be working on a piece, and I'll think, "No, this is bullshit." So I will literally rub bull excrement on the piece as a metaphor.

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Barry: He slept with Martha at my house! I was under the bed the whole time. What an idiot!

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Tim: [yelling in pain] My back! My back! My back!

Barry: Is it your back?

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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