Superhero Movie (2008)
Uncle Albert: [to Rick about a book on puberty] There are mood swings, fluid retention, and once a month you'll bleed from your vagina.
Uncle Albert: This may be the wrong book.
Uncle Albert: Remember, with great power comes...
Rick Riker: Great responsibility?
Uncle Albert: Well, I was gonna say bitches, but if you want to be a virgin for the rest of your life...
Rick Riker: Now I'm never gonna know the secret to becoming a superhero.
Mrs. Xavier: You wanna know the secret? Come close.
Mrs. Xavier: Make a costume, shithead!
Dr. Stephen Hawking: If there is one lesson my life can teach, is it that the spirit is stronger than the body. The hero comes from within.
Dragonfly: Those are Celine Dion lyrics.
Rick Riker: [opening the front door] Uncle Albert!
[Albert turns and shoots a nail from a nail gun; Rick catches the nail]
Uncle Albert: [amazed] How did you do that?
Rick Riker: It's... easier than it looks.
Uncle Albert: [shoots Trey in the hand] Nope. I don't think so.
Dr. Stephen Hawking: My nurse is a lesbian and not the hot kind.
[after Aunt Lucille farts through Rick and Jill's conversation, Hourglass breaks through the window]
Hourglass: Sorry to drop in uninvited.
Rick Riker: It's okay. We were hoping someone would open a window. It was getting stuffy in here.
Rick Riker: [Rick sees that Lou is coughing blood] Are you okay, Mr. Landers?
Lou Landers: Oh, I'm fine, son. This is just healthy cough-blood!
Dr. Whitby: So, what brings you here?
Rick Riker: My uncle.
Dr. Whitby: Your uncle brought you here?
Rick Riker: No, he's gravely injured.
Dr. Whitby: Well, he shouldn't be driving, then.
Uncle Albert: With great power comes... ow!
Rick Riker: Great responsibility? Try to breathe!
Uncle Albert: I can't. You're kneeling on my balls!
Professor Xavier: But pumpkin, I don't see nobody.
Mrs. Xavier: Don't call me pumpkin. It ain't Halloween.
Uncle Albert: How can you say that? I've been like a father to you! I raised you, just like your father did! I believed in you, just like your father did! I slept with your mother, just like your father did!
Rick Riker: [during a prolonged conversation with Jill while plummeting from a rooftop] This is a really tall building.
Uncle Albert: [lovingly] Your thighs look like warm cottage cheese someone threw up on a hot sidewalk.
Aunt Lucille Adams: And you've always had a tiny penis.
Uncle Albert: Well, what does it matter when you're in love?
Uncle Albert: God, Lucille! How could you take her away from me! I can't live without her! Lucille! Snookie lumps!
Undertaker: I'm sorry, there's been a terrible mistake. This is your wife.
Uncle Albert: [sees Lucille in other casket] Ah!
Undertaker: She is this man's wife.
Uncle Albert: Give me five minutes.
King of Sweden: Ladies and gentlemen, our first award is for the medical breakthrough of the year. For his company's pioneering work in the field of feminine hygiene, I award Lou Landers douche bag of the year.
Young Rick Riker: [Blaine laying on the ground before death] Dad!
Blaine Riker: Oh Rick, I'm dying...
Young Rick Riker: No...
Blaine Riker: Don't worry, my brother Albert will take you in. Rick, the money, it's all yours now. Sell all shares in a small company called Google, pfft, worthless. Invest heavily in Enron.
Undertaker: This is gonna be difficult for you but you've got to identify the body.
Rick Riker: This isn't my aunt.
Undertaker: Yes. That's why it's going to be difficult.
Dr. Strom: Unless you add some serelium! Then you could create a device powerful enough to draw the lifeforce out of thousands of people and enhance your own cellular capacity!
Lou Landers: Strom, you're a genius!
Dr. Strom: [being modest] Wikipedia
Uncle Albert: And maybe your father shouldn't have given you this afterall, look at the words your ancestors incribed in that ring: honor, valor, sacrifice, duty, commitment, bravery, justice, integerity, brotherhood, self-esteem, low prices, affordable housing, loose fitting pants, cheap internet porn, the rest is in Latin.
Lou Landers: [Lou Landers plots to steal cerillium from Hawkings' lab] I could just walk right in.
Dr. Strom: You're going to steal cerillium?
Lou Landers: No, not me. But perhaps there's someone inside me. Someone who will at any cost... survive!
[evil laugh, Lou picks up an hourglass and breaks it]
Lou Landers: Ow, ow! Glass in my eye! Glass in my eye!
Tom Cruise: [clapping with each syllable to emphasize his point] Old MacDonald had a farm and Bingo was his name - o.
Priest: We are gathered today to say goodbye to Lucille Adams.
Lance Landers: [to Rick] Watch where you're going in slo-mo, dipshit.
Lunatic Editor: [Gently carried away] I know the Mayor of Venus! Hamburgers can see the Future!
Jill's Mother: [shouting from a window] You're a whore, just like your mother!
[Jill's mother goes back inside]
Rick Riker: Who was that?
Jill Johnson: My mother.