|Index||4 reviews in total|
Here is a typical Skinamax movie with the expected mixture of soft-core
sex and lame comic gags. The plot is a bit like 'Bikini Carwash
Company', but while Bikini Carwash was a very fun T&A romp, this one is
just boring and the sex scenes don't even really deliver. The best
moments are easily provided by Michelle Bauer, the veteran horror movie
queen, who actually is very funny as a prudish teacher. Fellow vet Jay
Richardson is also in it.
Beverly Lynne is a bit refreshing as well. She's all-natural and has a great body. The other two blondes (Stacy Burke and Cailey Taylor) are not memorable in the least and pumped full of silicone. 3/10
Has softcore turned a blind eye to it's original audience? Are they so
desperate to keep up with the times? How else can you explain the lack
of a decent story (say what you will, series and films from the late
90's did have some decent stories) and the relentlessness of getting
cookie cutter blondes naked on screen? I feel sorry for newcomers to
the softcore scene. I fear we'll never have a starlet quite like
Gabriella Hall, or Nikki Fritz, or Tane McClure ever again. No class.
No etiquette. The simulated sex has lost all feeling and emotion, and I
really can't stand it anymore.
If this is the new face of softcore, it's an ugly one.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
*SPOILER ALERT* *SPOILER ALERT*
I saw this on cable the other day. The cast of "Bikini a go go" reunites for another exercise in softcore bikini action. The one addition to the cast was the always welcome Michelle Bauer. She was the snooty teacher who told the blonde twins and Beverly Lynne to get their acts together and have more sex! The ladies try an escort business before settling on a topless car wash venture.
This was OK. The action wasn't as hot as "Bikini a go go". I'm afraid I have to put the blame on Beverly Lynne and her terrible haircut. In "Bikini a go go", she had long brunette hair. In this one, a lawn mower seemed to have attacked her blonde head. I think having the Tiki love necklace around her neck helped too because in "Bikini Escort Company", she looked like she was going to fall asleep. Her sex scene on the pool table with one of the blondes should have been awesome. It wasn't. It was weak. Where's the Tiki when you need it?
The best girl here was Stacy Burke. She came to party. And party she did. Her sex scene in the prison with the psychic was the clear winner. That's right. I'm talking about psychic prison sex. It made me wonder why there aren't more softcore prison movies. You thinking what I'm thinking? Call the psychic hotline immediately.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
I had high hopes for "The Bikini Escort Company", I really did. After
all, it had Beverly Lynne in it, and there hasn't been a softcore movie
made in the last two years she hasn't taken part in. Believe it or not,
she wasn't the star attraction of this film.
We begin with a small group of college students--Mandy (Beverly Lynne), Candy (Stacy Burke), Sandy (Cailey Taylor), and Satch (John Swipe). All of them are in danger of getting kicked out of school various reasons, most of them hilarious. Mandy blew up the science building; Candy slept with most of the faculty....the list goes on and on. However, Dean Grundy (Jay Richardson, a veteran of cheap B-movies) and Miss Howell (Michelle Bauer, another legend in B-movie land) give them one more chance. They must assume control of a struggling business and make it profitable in a matter of days. A classic setup for an STSWB movie, folks.
Of course, the women turn to the quickest way they know how to turn a profit....that being turning tricks as escorts. Mandy is supposed to have the brains of the group, since Candy's brains are in her surgically-enhanced chest. She plays the "dumb blonde" role like it's supposed to be played--look hot, have good sex scenes, and be there for the comic relief.
Satch heads off to a worn-out old car wash full of red ink. The proprietor, Luke (Peter Spellos, who I fondly remember as the fat guy from "Dinosaur Island") is fairly hands-off, letting Satch make a fool of himself in a clown suit, trying to direct cars into the car wash.
Eventually, the girls stop by the car wash and decide to give Satch a hand, with swimsuits in tow. Of course, they go topless for full comedic effect. The film has turned into a watered down version of "The Bikini Carwash Company"--in my opinion, one of the better "Bikini" movies of the late 80's-early 90's.
How about those sex scenes? Well, they were in there, but they weren't anything special. Candy had a couple of nice ones, but the rest were fairly average.
This flick was written and directed by Fred Olen Ray, who I consider a genius at putting together slapstick B-movies full of comedy, nudity, and sex-a-plenty. I'm glad Fred and Jim Wynorski are still doing movies, but many of them just aren't as good as their old ones--the early 90's masterpiece "Dinosaur Island" comes to mind. They co-directed that film--the ultimate collaboration, if you ask me. I'm not expecting anything like that from "Bikini Escort Company", but didn't quite deliver the goods nonetheless. It's borderline tapeworthy, but I'd recommend not wasting good film on it.
Women: B- (Beverly Lynne and her ever-changing hairstyles. Keep it short--it looks better on you. Stacy Burke had a show-stealing performance as Candy, the empty-headed blonde with big boobs and an insatiable sexual appetite. Talent isn't needed in order to play a role like that...just a good looking woman.)
Sex: C+ (Slightly better than average, and the plus goes to Candy's sex scenes. They were the best of the bunch.)
Story: D+ (I'm sorry I had to this, but STSWB movies can be funnier and have more comedy than this. Sure, this movie had some comedy, but the charm of STSWB movies--save the something with breasts for the uninitiated--is the slapstick humor the women create while trying to beat the clock to come up with the money they need. There wasn't any of that here.)
Overall: C (It was okay. That's about it. At times, I wondered if Beverly Lynne just mailed this one in. I know she does a lot of movies, but she was pretty uninspiring here. Stacy Burke had enthusiasm, and I liked that. I know Fred Olen Ray can do better--"Bikini Airways" was pretty darn funny.)
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