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Employee of the Month (2006) Poster

Quotes

Vince: This is an '81 Honda! How dare you!

Russell: You're like the drummer from REO Speedwagon. Nobody knows who you are.

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Attractive Woman: Are you staring at my breasts?

Lon: I don't know.

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Vince: [Jorge takes out a knife while they are in Zack's house, changing all the clocks, and his grandmother comes into the room] What are you doing? There are no weapons in this mission. I will not do time for you. I will roll over on you.

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Russell: Oh yeah, that picture goes up on the wall she slides into the sack faster than a singed Koala bear looking for an all night burn center.

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Zack: Were all pink on the inside...

Vince: Like vaginas!

[awkward pause]

Vince: [cough]

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Russell: Check it out guy, he's the alpha male of the store... chicks always go after the alpha male, they're like lions... kings of the desert. And you, you're just a little tiny fieldmouse dangling in the teeth of the lion while he's banging your chick. Oh wait a minute... boxboy, you're like the little hairy nutsack on the little hairy fieldmouse swinging back and forth while he's banging your chick...

Zack: [radio] You're metaphors are magical, but shut the hell up! please?

[radio]

Russell: [radio] Roger... Just going back and forth hairy calahari style in and out with his big...

[radio]

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Lon: What the fuck?

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Vince: [after Vince is revealed to have been giving stuff away, he runs off and Semi tackles him to the ground]

[writhes in pain]

Vince: Now I know why they call you "Semi"

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Semi: [while Zack is recovering from running into a wooden pallet] And if you pass out, you call 911!

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Semi: [after removing a gold "Employee Of The Month" star from a safe] Pretty!

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Vince: Well, I guess I can get a little anal...

Zack: Actually, I hear he gets alot.

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Lon: Wow, that's gotta hurt. I mean, he's always doin' that to you. Stealing your thunder. You remember the red head? In gardening? Boinked her behind the monkey grass. And the asian in automotive? Did her on a pile of carburetors. Oh, and the blonde in frozen foods, with the... Doink! Doink! Turkeys done! Remember her?

Lon: [sticks his fingers out of his chest]

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Iqbal: Do it for pride, the rest will come... including the girl.

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Jorge: [looking at the defaced picture of Vince] ... I love ah-nall, who's ah-nall?

Vince: It's ANAL, dumbass!

Jorge: You do?

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Russell: Think about it guys, we could be working over there at Maxi-Mart and that place really sucks. Pass me the chips there, eight balls.

[Iqbal passes a bulk size bag of chips]

Lon: Plus, I hear they make you wear those house-arrest ankle bracelet things, so they know where you are all the time and if you leave the main floor, you get a little shocker.

[Blows a party kazoo]

Russell: True. I knew a guy in upper management, man, went crazy. Strapped one of those things around his hairy ballsack, ran out in the parking lot and blew a three dollar Hawaiian wonder cooler all over the place.

Iqbal: Ids-kay, ids-kay.

Russell: Knocked the little Korean kid right out of shopping basket.

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Vince: Is your name Semi because you're the size of a huge Mack truck or because you're semi-retarded?

Semi: I don't know.

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Granny: Zacky! What's my pin number?

Zack: 1234 Grandma, now we have to change it again!

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Semi: Watch the oats! Watch the oats!

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Granny: Don't forget to wash your balls.

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Russell: Jesus Christ. Where the hell are we, Chuck E. Cheese-istian?

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Vince: I realize that you don't care about your job, but I do.

Zack: And I want to thank you for caring about my job, really.

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Grumpy Lady: [Woman struggling to load a casket onto a cart] Damn! The thing's heavier than it looks.

Zack: Hi, do you need some help with that?

Grumpy Lady: Yes, thank you.

[They get the casket into the cart]

Grumpy Lady: It's for my husband.

Zack: Oh, I'm sorry to hear about that.

Grumpy Lady: Oh, he's not dead. Not yet. It's just too good a deal to pass up.

Zack: Well, do you need some help getting it to your car?

Grumpy Lady: No, thank you. The lazy prick's waiting for me. I'm gonna make him load it.

Zack: Well, good luck murdering your husband.

[Woman laughs]

Zack: If you need my help, holler.

Grumpy Lady: [Woman on her way out of the store] Excuse me.

Dirk: Yes?

Grumpy Lady: That young man is wonderful. I'll be back for sure, just because of him.

Dirk: [Dirk looks at Vince] Oh, that man there? No surprise.

Grumpy Lady: No.

Grumpy Lady: [Woman goes over to Zack] This is the guy. He's a wonderful fella.

Dirk: Well thank you. May I help you find your way to your car?

Grumpy Lady: I know where it is. Idiot.

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Zack: [Zack holds up a mop preparing to go clean up a spill, when Vince appears out of a break room with a mop] You have got to be kidding MEEEEEEEEEEE!

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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