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28 August 2004 (USA)  »

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A short film about a man, a little boy, and destiny.
16 October 2004 | by (Chicago) – See all my reviews

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD! When an evil genius ape-man whose only child is the nation's first sea serpent president learns the true meaning of love, he means business. Just back from his voyage to the Lost Isle of Undersexed Hermaphrodites, an exhausted Captain Freedom Tractors has learned of a secret plan involving sterilized monkeys and loud Tejano music. Logically, chills and thrills ensue as Freedom Tractors, accompanied by his loyal man-servant Mr. Puffles, scours the globe in search of the Undersea Chocolate Statuette honoring the victims of the St. Veteran's Day Massacre of A.D. 9641. Half-documentary, half reality-TV, "Quasar Hernandez" is a superfuturist romp through the hearts of grannies, trannies, and lobsters on parade. Expect the unexpected: legions of cotton-candy-loving locksmiths, western-style beef wear, and a secret message brought to you by yourself. Borrowing its title from the oft-used pseudonym of late writer/musician Clayton Counts, "Quasar Hernandez" is an adult film bearing the fresh face of family.

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