John Safran vs. God (2004)
John Safran: [recurring final line] Until next time, go to Hell.
John Safran: Now, you've probably noticed that I spend a fair bit of time in America filming the show. And while I like Americans, every Australian I know ridicules them. Apparently Americans are really stupid, culturally insular, and have no concept of the world outside their own borders. Unlike... you. Point to Zaire on this map. Go on, you smug fuck, show me where it is. I'll give you 10 seconds. Come, on, you're not a dumb American, come on! If you couldn't point to Zaire, you're an idiot. If you *could* point to Zaire, you're an idiot too. Zaire changed its name to the Democratic Republic of the Congo in 1997, the place where more than three million people have died in a civil war since 1998. And I hope you didn't point to the Republic of the Congo. You do know that the Republic of the Congo is totally different country to the Democratic Republic of the Congo. My point being - whilst you were chuckling about how dumb Americans are and whacking off to your copy of "Stupid White Men," three million people died in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, and you didn't even notice. Until next time, go to hell.
John Safran: I've always wondered why rich Westerners, dismissive about religion in general, find solace in Buddhism. Well, let's talk a look at the story of Prince Siddhartha, or Buddha as he became known. Basically, it's the story of a rich kid that decided to slum it. No joke - this guy Buddha was living at home in his palace, leeching off his dad until he was 30. Then like some spoiled trust-fund baby, he decides to leave the palace and finds all this romance in self-inflicted deprivation, all the while knowing that he could ring up his dad to top off his Visa card the minute anything went wrong. Hey, Buddha, here's a spiritual insight - all these poor people you were trying to emulate would've exchanged their noble life under the bodiatry for the opulence of your dad's palace in a snap! Which brings me back to my original point - I wonder why all these rich Westerners can relate so well to Buddha? Well, maybe it's because Buddha is the prototypical spoiled rich kid acting all dirty and poor. Let's face it, if Buddha were alive today, he'd be playing bass guitar in the Strokes. Until next time, go to hell.
John Safran: [on the issue of playing Scrabble with friends] But what really annoys me is, as you can imagine, most of my friends are Left Wing pinkos and on any other issue would be falling over themselves to accommodate the richness of multicultural diversity. Yet put down Qibla and suddenly I'm playing with Pauline Hanson. I tried to explain it's an Arabic word 'but we dont speak Arabic here, we live in Australia, we speak English!'. Listen hippie, when you're breaking through the fence of Woomera Detention Centre and whip out the Scrabble board, they're going to want to put down Qibla.