Way of the Vampire (2005)

Directors:

Sarah Nean Bruce
Eduardo Durão

Writers:

Karrie Melendrez (writer)
Sherri Strain (writer)

Genre:

Action | Thriller

Tagline:

The battle between good and evil ends tonight.

Plot:

Dr. Abraham Van Helsing is granted immortality by the Catholic Church until he can hunt down the last vampire prince. |

Plot Keywords:

Vampire | Immortality | Catholic Church | Prostitute | Garrote

Cast

Rhett Giles	...	Dr. Abraham Van Helsing
Paul Logan	...	Dracula
Andreas Beckett	...	Sebastien
Denise Boutte	...	Arianna
Brent Falco	...	Emily
Alix Henning	...	Yvonne
Anthony Turk	...	Father Cefalu
rest of cast listed alphabetically:
James Ashby	...	Dominic
Drew Berenc	...	Norris
Ulf Bjorlin	...	Walsh
Butterfly	...	Solana
Lisa Clark	...	Essence
Matt Dallas	...	Todd
Edward DeRuiter	...	Jake
Whitney Deutch	...	Martika
Ed Flanagan	...	Yavanivitch
Bogdan Ioana	...	Lorenzo
Claudia Katz	...	Leona
Shannon Kemp	...	Det. Donn
Sean Lust	...	Colin
Nadra Macuish	...	Paula
Jared Michaels	...	Roman (as Jared Cohn)
Renée Mignosa	...	Diana
Brian Nichols	...	Det. Shirani
Kristina Proulx	...	Josie
Rey Reyes	...	Julio
Trina Robinson	...	Elena
Lawrence Sara	...	Wilson
Amanda Ward	...	Natalia
Mark Romero Wilson	...	Joseph

Also Known As:

Bram Stoker's Way of the Vampire (UK) (video title) (USA) (complete title)
Van Helsing's Way of the Vampire (USA) (alternative title)

MPAA:

Rated R for vampire violence, sexuality/nudity and some language.

Runtime:

USA:90 min

Country:

USA

Language:

English

Color:

Color

Certification:

Germany:18 | Australia:M | UK:15 | USA:R

Filming Locations:

Agua Dulce, California, USA

Company:

Asylum, The

Goofs:

Factual errors: About 46 minutes into the film, a voice-over describes vampire behavior. The narrator says "It would be different if they were like wasps, one sting and they're dead, but instead they come back again, and again, and again." Wasps can sting as many times as they wish. Bees, on the other hand, sting one time and die.

Quotes:

Sebastien: We're not going to live like this anymore!

Movie Connections:

Referenced in Way of the Vampire: Behind the Scenes (2005) (V)

Soundtrack:

Bloody Bill

Laughably Pretentious Treacle Masquerading as a Movie

There are a few good things about this movie, but the negatives are so overwhelming that I could only give it a 1 on the ole 1 to 10 scale. The cinematography is very pretty and the miniature set models are excellent. At least I think they're models. Everything about this movie is so bogus that they may actually be real locations which the directors (yes, it took two directors to cook this turkey) somehow managed to make look like models.

With two directors you'd think that it might only be half-bad. Instead it's doubly pretentious. The lovely Denise Boutte may well be the hammiest actor on planet Earth. Rhett Giles as Van Helsing looks like a reject from the Pet Shop Boys, and his acting is nearly as overblown and stuffy as Ms. Boutte's. Every line by just about every "actor" is recited in emo overdrive.

There were also at least two writers involved. The version I saw had three listed, unless I was hallucinating, but IMDb says two. The third one may have requested anonymity. Or hacked the webpage and erased his or her name. In any case, the dialog is so cheesy you'd think it was written by the teen Gothtards from Saturday Night Live.

If I see one more pseudo-Goth vampire movie with semi-clad model-pretty airheads melting into the arms of Ralph Lauren pretty men in ersatz under-populated nightclubs I'll puke up a kidney. Anne Rice has apparently spawned a sub-race of cretinous filmmakers.

This is the first film I've seen which challenges Uwe Boll's "House of the Dead" as the WORST horror film ever made.