| Cast overview, first billed only: | |||
| Joel David Moore | ... | ||
| Tamara Feldman | ... | ||
| Deon Richmond | ... | ||
| Kane Hodder | ... | ||
| Mercedes McNab | ... | ||
| Parry Shen | ... | ||
| Joel Murray | ... |
Doug Shapiro
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| Joleigh Fioravanti | ... |
Jenna
(as Joleigh Fioreavanti)
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| Richard Riehle | ... |
Jim Permatteo
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| Patrika Darbo | ... |
Shannon Permatteo
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| Robert Englund | ... | ||
| Joshua Leonard | ... |
Ainsley
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| Tony Todd | ... | ||
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John Carl Buechler | ... |
Jack Cracker
(as John Buechler)
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| Rileah Vanderbilt | ... | ||
A motley crew of tourists embark on a boat ride of the haunted Louisiana bayous where they learn the terrifying tale of local legend "Victor Crowley"; a horribly disfigured man who was tragically and accidentally killed with a hatchet by the hands of his own father. But when the boat sinks and the ghost story turns out to be real, the group tries desperately to escape the swamp with their lives...and all of their pieces. Written by Anonymous
Let me start by saying: Do NOT believe the hype. This is not "classic American Horror" by any stretch of the imagination. It was a glorified TROMA film, only Lloyd Kaufman was honest about the crap he was peddling.
Why do we have to keep re-hashing the same old tired clichés? What, no one can come up with anything better than Torture Porn, so we have to go backwards? Those 80s slasher films WERE great. No doubt. But why can't we move forward? "Hatchet" made me laugh. Often. The lead actor was undeniably funny. But, I grew up on real old school American horror, and I never laughed. I was scared. Often. "Hatchet" never once made me nervous, edgy, scared or tense. I never once jumped out of my seat, much less my skin.
I'm getting so bored of all this, aren't you?
(It gets a very generous "4" because of some quick, funny lines and some clever gore.)