Ed: [Domino, Ed and Choco are about to make a bust] Okay, Domino, you're with me on the side.
Ed: Choco, you cover the rear.
Domino Harvey: [narrates] My name is Domino Harvey. I am a bounty hunter. You're probably wondering how a girl like me arrived here. What I say will determine whether or not I spend the rest of my life in prison. Let's start at the beginning.
Mark Heiss: You tell Domino Harvey that nobody messes with Mark Heiss! Nobody messes with the WB!
Ed: [about Domino] You and I walk down the street, what do people see? A couple of losers, right? We add her to the equation you know what people are gonna think?
Ed: There goes two of the coolest motherfuckers who ever lived. Hmm?
Choco: You know what? I don't know about you, man, but I'm already a cool motherfucker, you know?
BH Seminar Loser #1: Hey, how about it? Want to ride some bounty hunter cock?
Domino Harvey: Fuck you, dickhead.
BH Seminar Loser #1: Ooh. Bitch!
Domino Harvey: What's his problem?
Ed: Latin petulance. Hold on. Give me a minute with him.
Claremont Williams: It's very simple. The, DMV is the de facto conduit for all humanity, and every human being that we track down has a record in the DMV database. Whether it be LAPD, Social Services, the Credit Bureau, or the FBI, they all use the DMV's database as their hub. So, we have people on the inside who feed us the information.
Ed: And who would know it? The gatekeepers of humanity turn out to be a bunch of sassy black women.
Domino Harvey: [V.O] Choco grew up on the streets of Venezuela. When he was four years old, he stabbed another kid in the eyeball with a pencil.
Domino Harvey: [V.O] There were wires crossed somewhere in his soul.
Kimmie: I should let you know that Mr Heiss will only be available to meet for about five minutes, so we should hurry up and cut to the point. Um, and speak in short sentences because he has the attention span of a ferret on crystal meth.
Lateesha Rodriguez: Now, as a blactino woman, I believe we deserve our own race category to forge an identity, Jerry. That's how I feel.
Jerry Springer: Did you just say "blactino"?
Lateesha Rodriguez: Yes, I did. I'm a blactino-American.
Chinegro Woman: Wow. Uh, first of all... first of all, you don't even look latino. You look black. You're... You're black. Second of all, I'm of mixed race, and I've struggled my whole life as to whether I'm Chinese or whether I'm black.
Lateesha Rodriguez: Chinegro! What you are is chinegro!
Chinegro Woman: Chinegro?
Lateesha Rodriguez: Chinegro! There you go!
Chinegro Woman: Chinegro?
Lateesha Rodriguez: You are a chinegro!
Chinegro Woman: What the
Chinegro Woman: is chinegro?
Lateesha Rodriguez: That's what you are! Chinegro is you!
Chinegro Woman: That's some bulls...
Jerry Springer: OK, as I understand it, you brought a mixed-race flow chart with you. Why don't we bring that out?
[Crowd shouting and booing]
Lateesha Rodriguez: [to a random heckler] How you doin', sugar? All right. I'm gonna call you later. Mwah. All right.
Lateesha Rodriguez: Take a look at this...
[she unveils the chart]
Lateesha Rodriguez: Blactino, blackasian, hispasian, OK? Now, for the Asian subcategories,
[to the Chinegro woman]
Lateesha Rodriguez: I got you, sister. We have chinegro right here. That's you. Chinegro.
Chinegro Woman: That's not a word! That's not a word!
Lateesha Rodriguez: Yes, it is, sister. We have koreagro. Japegro, OK?
Lateesha Rodriguez: Chispanic, koreaspanic, and last but not least, check this out, y'all... japanic.
Lateesha Rodriguez: That's how I flow with it!
Jerry Springer: Do you believe the government should recognise these racial subgroups?
Lateesha Rodriguez: Yes, Jerry, I do.
Ian Ziering: Come on, Bri. We're late, we're late.
Brian Austin Green: Dude, it's fucking Mapquest. I told you, never again with that piece of shit.
Brian Austin Green: What background should someone have if they want to go into bounty hunting?
Ed: How does jail sound?
Claremont Williams: Why would you use Jerry Springer as a platform for some kind of progressive race modification proposal, anyway?
Lateesha Rodriguez: Well, I don't think Ted Koppel would book Lateesha Rodriguez!
Lateesha Rodriguez: All right, y'all, Lateesha done... Lateesha done dug herself a deep hole, and, uh, she can't get out by herself. Can y'all dig what I'm saying?
Raul: Mija, we're in a hole together. We dig together. We're a team.
Drake Bishop: [to the Security technician] Rewind, please.
Burke Beckett: [also to the technician] Rewind the tape.
Drake Bishop: Freeze the tape.
Burke Beckett: Freeze the tape.
Drake Bishop: Now, can you zoom in?
Burke Beckett: Zoom in, please.
Drake Bishop: You a fucking mockingbird? Shut the fuck up!
Burke Beckett: I just...
Locus Fender: I'm gonna fill up the tank and grab a Mountain Dew. Don't make a peep. Especially you, Barbara.
Howie Stein: Now, if 2 Live Crew has taught us anything, it's that horniness in today's society is out of control. And at one point within the next decade, mark my words, ladies and gentlemen, society will have reached something I call APATT..."All porno, all the time." Pornography will have become an epidemic in this country. Phase one... masturbation.
Howie Stein: And to our female friends here today, we must not abuse of our dogs with the lure of a peanut butter snatch. We must channel our horniness into extracurricular activities.
College girl: My friend Tina, she thought you were dead.
Ian Ziering: Oh, really? Well, tell your friend Tina... she's a whore.
Bishop Goon #1: You want me to shoot 'em in the kneecaps?
Anthony Cigliutti: Now, you listen to me. Hold on one second. Ask them politely where the money is. If they don't know, just tell them to start digging their own graves.
[Telephone line ringing]
Anthony Cigliutti: Yeah. Hello?
Zoo President: Mr. Cigliutti? I'm calling from the Zeta Theta Theta house at Cal West LA.
Anthony Cigliutti: Yes, yes. What is it?
Zoo President: I'm sorry to be bothering you. It's a bit of an emergency.
Anthony Cigliutti: What?
Zoo President: Your sons have been kidnapped by these crazy game show hosts.
Howie Stein: Please, I just supply them with pussy!
Lester Kincaid: I just want to get people high, man!
Taryn Miles: Miss Harvey, my name is Taryn Mills. I'm a criminal psychologist working for the FBI. I'm here to ask you a few questions.
Domino Harvey: [V.O] Here's the part where I'm supposed to get all defensive and say, "Not until I speak with my attorney."
Domino Harvey: I'll tell you everything I know.
Domino Harvey: [voiceover] That's my best friend. His name is Choco. He's always fancied me, but too shy to ever do anything about it.
Domino Harvey: [voiceover] That's Ed Moseby, the most legendary bounty hunter in all of Los Angeles. He's my boss, my mentor, the father I never had.
Domino Harvey: [V.O] That's our driver Alf. He's from Afghanistan. He once ate a cat. We can't understand how to pronounce his fucking name so we just call him the cat eating alien.
Domino Harvey: [V.O] I've never killed anyone. I hope to never kill anyone, even if they deserve it. My agenda is to kick ass and secure the bounty. If I'm on this side of the law I can live the low life and avoid jail. I can live nasty and not do time for it. That's called the best of both worlds. As for that other world, that 90210 world, it's not for me.
Ed: [Watching the Manchurian Candidate] Heh. I knew Frank.
Edna Fender: Who didn't?
Ed: Hey, Edna you know what, sweetheart? You got, like, seven minutes to open that goddamn freezer or I'm gonna flush that fucking arm down the toilet.
Edna Fender: Fucker!
Domino Harvey: [V.O] You're probably wondering how a girl like me arrived here, at the arse end of the Nevada desert with a blood-spattered Winnebago and a one-armed man.
Domino Harvey: [V.O] When I was a little girl my father told me that if you weren't careful you could lose everything you've ever earned in life in a split second. You have to know when to cash out.
Domino Harvey: [V.O] God created me in his image. I guess he had a thing for models.
Domino Harvey: [V.O] If you think America is dirtbag central, clearly you've never been to the skeeze nation of our queen mother.
Domino Harvey: [voiceover] Nobody really knows where Ed came from. This much is clear - the man's been places, seen things, lived life. He did a term in Soledad and a term in Angola where he lost a toe during a prison riot. The man's a warroir.
Domino Harvey: [voiceover] To say that Choco is the product of a broken home is to presume a home existed in the first place. No. Choco never had a home, well, not unless you count the ten or so juvenile correction facilities where he spent his child hood.
Domino Harvey: [voiceover] I could feel the blood coursing through my veins. Shotgun in hand, kicking down a door and wondering if there was heavy firepower on the other side.
Domino Harvey: [V.O] That night, my coin was tossed. Heads, you live. Tails, you die. 50/50 chance. Life or death. This ain't Sunset Boulevard. My destiny was life. Life as a bounty hunter.
[upon first meeting Domino]
Ed: Why would a delicate little thing like you wanna be a bounty hunter?
Domino Harvey: I wanna have a little fun.
Sorority Girl: What's it like to have the body of a ten-year-old boy?
Domino Harvey: [off look] Have you had a nose job?
Sorority Girl: No.
[Domino sucker-punches her in the face]
Kimmie: [into mike] Just go in with batons and nun-chucks.
Mark Heiss: [into mike] Use nun-chucks. Nun-chucks are good.
Mark Heiss: [as he chews gum] It's like... Night... of the Living Dead!
Domino Harvey: I've been training since I was twelve. Knives, guns, throwing stars. You name it, and I can fight with it. I'm a hard worker. I'm a hard worker and a fast learner. Nothing scares me. I'm not afraid to die.
[Domino and a wounded Ed and Choco are trapped in an elevator plummeting to an almost certain death]
Choco: I love you.
Domino Harvey: [narrates] I once swore never to invest too much emotion in anyone.
Domino Harvey: I love you.
Domino Harvey: [narrates, tearful] I love you, Choco.
Ed: [shouts] It's a great day to die!
[after a particularly unpleasant day of filming the bounty hunters' reality TV show]
Mark Heiss: [to Ian Ziering and Brian Austin Green, the hosts] This is going to jump-start your careers.
Domino Harvey: I saved her... And when she is older, a woman named Domino will tell her that there is only one conclusion to every story... We all fall down.
Domino Harvey: There are three kinds of people in the world... the rich... the poor... and everyone in between.
Domino Harvey: If you're wondering what's true and what isn't, fuck off, because it's none of your goddamn business!
Domino Harvey: [voice-over] I decided to never invest too much emotion in one thing. It's always a set-up to the pain of losing them.
Wanderer: I know you. You're the angel of fire. Angel of fire. I know you. You burn bright enough to know there are certain sacrifices that need to be made. You see, if you don't give back the money, you all will die. And you will die contorted, and you will die unforgiven. You see, there's... there's this... this puzzle, and at the centre of this puzzle, there's a child, and this is a very sick child.
Wanderer: A very sick child. But this child will be a great leader someday. Do you know the child I speak of?
Domino Harvey: Yes.
Wanderer: Well, you have only one destiny, and that destiny is... that you must offer your lives in exchange for the life of the child. Then, and only then, will you truly be cleansed in the blood of the lamb.
Domino Harvey: Sometimes a girl has to be naughty in order to get herself out of a jam.
Domino Harvey: I want you to book us a hotel suite.
Brian Austin Green: What, with my money?
Domino Harvey: I want you to put it on your credit card.
Brian Austin Green: Are you serious?
[Domino glares at him]
Brian Austin Green: Ok, ok, don't look at me that way!