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Jarhead (2005) Poster

(2005)

Quotes

[last lines]

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: A story. A man fires a rifle for many years. and he goes to war. And afterwards he comes home, and he sees that whatever else he may do with his life - build a house, love a woman, change his son's diaper - he will always remain a jarhead. And all the jarheads killing and dying, they will always be me. We are still in the desert.

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D.I. Fitch: What the fuck are you even doing here?

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, I got lost on the way to college, sir.

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Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: [the Doors' "Break on Through" being played on a flying by helicopter] That's Vietnam music... can't we get our own music?

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Staff Sgt. Sykes: [Sgt. Sykes is directing the recruits on how to judge distances] You take what you know, and then you multiply. Please don't use your dicks. They're too small, and I can't count that high. I don't wanna hear, "400,000 inches."

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Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: [voice over narration] Every war is different, every war is the same.

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Sgt. Siek: Now to the rest of you, do you have what it takes to be the meanest, the cruelest, the most sadist unforgiving mother fuckers in God's cruel kingdom?

All Marines: Yes, Staff Sergeant.

Sgt. Siek: Will you be able to one day say, "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for I am the baddest mother fucker in the God damn valley?"

All Marines: Yes, Staff Sergeant.

Sgt. Siek: We shall fucking see.

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Troy: Fuck politics. We're here. All the rest is bullshit.

All Marines: Yeah.

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Cortez: I'm the midget, huh? Let's go you squishy-faced retard!

Fowler: [dead serious] Don't you ever call me squishy-face!

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Fowler: [in showers, pointing at another marine] Hey, look! It's a cock, but smaller!

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D.I. Fitch: Jesus, Joseph and doggy-style Mary!

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Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: [seeing the flames of the burning oil fields] The Earth is bleeding.

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Troy: I love it out here, this is what I want - 'cause I count for something. Back home, I'd be working some nowhere job, nobody'd even know I was alive. 'We burn the fat off our souls,'... Hemingway said that.

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Sgt. Siek: [to the dead marine] I told you to keep your fucking head down! If you'd listened to me, you'd still be fucking alive right now, stupid fuck!

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Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: [voice over narration] See that kid? The one dreaming to serve his country. That Jarhead is me.

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Kruger: [after being offered nuts on an airplane] Are these warm nuts?

Stewardess: No, I believe they're room temperature.

Kruger: [takes the nuts] Well, maybe later you can come and warm up my nuts.

Stewardess: You know, I don't really like the little ones.

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Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: [voice over narration] I was hooked.

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Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: I wanted the pink mist.

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Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: [voice over narration] For most problems the Marine is issued a solution. If ill, go to sickbay. If wounded, call a Corpsman. If dead, report to graves registration. If losing his mind, however, no standard solution exists.

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Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, the Drill Instructor looks fabulous in his uniform, sir!

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Kruger: [referring to photo of Swoff's girlfriend] I'm storing that for later!

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Sgt. Siek: [to the Marines] The Bible says "Thou shalt not kill." But hear this: FUCK THAT SHIT!

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Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Field fuck!

Reporter: What did he just say?

Sgt. Siek: He said field fun.

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Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: We call this friendly fire, friendly fucking, or getting friendly fucked.

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Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: [voice over narration] A flashlight was a moonbeam. A pen was an ink stick. My mouth was a cum receptacle. A bed was a rack. A wall was a bulkhead. A shirt was a blouse. A tie was still a tie, and a belt a belt. But many other things would never be the same.

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Sgt. Siek: [to Swofford after a football hit his head during the game in NBC-suits] Swofford I guess you call that using your head, huh?

[smiles to reporters]

Sgt. Siek: Using his head...

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Dettman's Wife: Who's fuckin' around now, Bryan?

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Bored Gunny: [to Anthony Swofford] I'm gonna put you in Golf Company... it's full of retards and fuck-ups. Maybe you can elevate them sons of bitches a little... or maybe not. Next!

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Kruger: This is censorship.

Sgt. Siek: This is what?

Kruger: Censorship. You're telling us what we can and can't say to the press. That's un-American.

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Yeah, what about freedom of speech? The Constitution?

Sgt. Siek: No you signed a contract. You don't have any rights. You got any complaints you complain to Saddam Insane and see if he gives a fuck.

Kruger: Why that's exactly what Saddam Hussein does. You're treating us the same way.

Sgt. Siek: You are a marine. There is no such thing as speech that is free. You must pay for everything that you say.

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All Marines: This is my rifle, this is my gun. This is for fighting and this is for fun.

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Sgt. Siek: Your mission is to kill me. My mission is to kill you first. And I'm good.

Marine in Barracks: Them paintball bullets, they hurt?

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Kruger: [to the Marines] It's raining oil. It's raining oil fellas. You ever see that movie 'Giant'? You've seen the movie 'Giant'. James Dean, man. "My well came in, Bick. I'm rich, Bick. Richer than you."

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[repeated line]

Troy: Welcome to The Suck.

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[first lines]

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: A story: A man fires a rifle for many years, and he goes to war. And afterward he turns the rifle in at the armory, and he believes he's finished with the rifle. But no matter what else he might do with his hands, love a woman, build a house, change his son's diaper; his hands remember the rifle.

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Sgt. Siek: [looking at Oil Fires] I could be working with my brother right now. He's got a dry-wall business in Compton. Does the inside of office buildings; you know, the metal studs. I could be his partner, said he'd give me that brand new Dodge Ram Charger. You know, the 318 Magnum? The beast? All indoor work, too, lots of AC. I could sleep with my wife every night, fuck her, maybe; take my kids to school every morning. And I'd run his crews, too, probably increase productivity 40 to 50%. Make $100K a year. Do you know why I don't? Because I love this job. I thank God for every fucking day he gives me in the corps, oorah.

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Reporter: Are you scared?

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Look, I'm twenty years old and I was dumb enough to sign a contract. I can hear their fucking bombs already. I can hear their bombs and I'm fucking scared, yeah.

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Sgt. Siek: Will you shut the fuck up! There is no bugle program! You sizzle-dick motherfucker! Who do you think you are, some kind of Kenny G or some shit?

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: No, Staff Sergeant.

Sgt. Siek: Good.

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[in an NBC suit]

Troy: [in a Darth Vader voice] Luke, come over to the Dark Side.

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Fergus: [after seeing pictures of Swofford's girlfriend in his USMC shirt] She have her own clothes?

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Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: [voice over narration] Suggested techniques for the Marine to use in the avoidance of boredom and loneliness: Masturbation. Rereading of letters from unfaithful wives and girlfriends. Cleaning your rifle. Further masturbation. Rewiring Walkman. Arguing about religion and meaning of life. Discussing in detail, every woman the Marine has ever fucked. Debating differences, such as Cuban vs. Mexican, Harleys vs. Hondas, left- vs. right-handed masturbation. Further cleaning of rifle. Studying of Filipino mail order bride catalog. Further masturbation. Planning of Marine's first meal on return home. Imagining what the Marine's girlfriend and her man Jody are doing in the hay, or in the alley, or in a hotel bed.

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Cortez: This is what life is about, boys!

Fowler: She's a big bitch, Cortez!

Cortez: She's not big, she's beautiful, and she's beautiful because she's pregnant! That's what life is about.

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[watching Apocalypse Now]

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Shoot that motherfucker!

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Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: My combat action has commenced.

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Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: [voice over narration] The Marine must learn to kill. He may wear a tattoo, or display his medals, or tell lies in bars. But he is not a true marine until he has seen combat.

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Troy: [to Anthony Swofford] We're going to fuckin' war.

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Marine in Barracks: Boot Motherfucker!

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Sgt. Siek: [Yelling at a private, who is struggling to get into his protective gear during a gas drill] That's your fuckin' sleeping bag, you moron!

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D.I. Fitch: [to a whole squad of Marines] You are no longer black, or brown, or yellow, or red! You are now green! You are light green! Or dark green! Do you understand?

All Marines: Sir, yes, sir!

D.I. Fitch: Swofford!

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, yes, sir!

D.I. Fitch: You the maggot whose father served in Vietnam?

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, yes, sir!

D.I. Fitch: Outstanding! Did he have the balls to die there?

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, no, sir!

D.I. Fitch: Too f**king bad! He ever talk about it?

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, only once, sir!

D.I. Fitch: Good! Then he wasn't lying!

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Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: What's up, buddy? Merry Christmas.

Corporal Harrigan: Yeah.

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: I hear you got some good shit.

Corporal Harrigan: Fly, rumor, on winged feet. Here... read this.

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: What is it?

Corporal Harrigan: It's a love letter for the Major. I write all of his letters.

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: "Dear sweet Gloria, I wish I was up in you now with a finger in your ass. Love you, Captain Skinboat."

Corporal Harrigan: I studied classics at Dartmouth.

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: It's a good school.

Corporal Harrigan: Forty bucks, five gallons.

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D.I. Fitch: Are you eyeballing me with those baby-blues? Are you?

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, no, sir!

D.I. Fitch: Are you in love with me, Swofford?

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, no, sir!

D.I. Fitch: Why, you don't think I look good in my uniform, Swofford?

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, the Drill Instructor looks excellent in his uniform, sir!

D.I. Fitch: Oh, so you're gay then and you love me!

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, I'm not gay, sir!

D.I. Fitch: You got a girlfriend, Swafford?

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Sir, yes, sir!

D.I. Fitch: Guess again, dumbass, Jody's banging her right now! Get on your face and give me twenty five for all the times she's gonna get fucked this month! Down on your face!

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Sgt. Siek: Swofford? Swofford?

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Yeah?

Sgt. Siek: What the fuck? You sick?

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: No, sir. I just got this stomach-thing...

Sgt. Siek: Staff Sergenat Siek. I'm with Surveillance and Target Acquisition. STA. I heard it took six guys to pull that little branding trick on you. And your file says that you ain't dumb either. So you better get unsick most motha fucking rikey-tick, cause' there's a chance that you could be a scout sniper!

Sgt. Siek: [picks up Swofford's book] What the fuck is this?

Sgt. Siek: "The stranger from Camus". That's some heavy dope right there, marine!

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[Staff sgt. Sykes sends out his "best snipers", Swofford and Troy]

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Thank you, staff sergeant.

Staff Sgt. Sykes: What?

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Thank you.

Staff Sgt. Sykes: Don't thank me, just don't fuckin' die.

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Kruger: Okay, yeah, sure, fine. I'll take the fucking pills and a year later my asshole will turn inside out and start talking to me!

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Okay, stop stop.

Kruger: This pills aren't worth a shit.

Sgt. Siek: Kruger, you country motherfucker

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Troy: What's up with the make-up? I thought Texans were tough.

Kruger: I burn easily so fucking sue me.

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Kruger: [on top of pile of marines after football game] Kruger of Arabia!

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Kruger: Me? I had a choice either join the marines or go to jail. And you know what the shit of it is?

Troy: Yeah, if you'd gone to jail...

Kruger: Don't spoil the joke asshole. If I'd went to jail I'd be getting out today.

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Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: [Swoff and Fergus are disassembling and reassembling their rifles in their tent. Cortez is sitting a few bunks down, messing with his radio] What would you say if I told you I was gonna kill you for fucking me over like that?

Fergus: I already told you, it was an accident.

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: An accident. Right. Like when the trigger slips. Of course, your nice little mom and dad are where?

Fergus: Cottonwood Falls.

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Cottonwood Falls. They'll be sad. THey won't have their little boy to send fucking cookies to. I'll say it was an accidental discharge. I might spend some time in the brig... but it'll end this fucking waiting. And I don't knwo what it's like to kill a man.

[loads rifle and points it at Fergus]

Fergus: What are you doing?

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: I'm in the firing position known as the sitting position. After the prone position, it is the platform most likely to enable a Marine to effectivley kill his target. His target being a human, generally an enemy but sometimes a friend or friendly. We call this frinedly fire, or friendly fucking or getting friendly fucked.

Fergus: Come on Swoff, it was your watch! It was Christmans Eve, and I was just thinking about home. That's it.

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: What do you think Cortez? You think I'll accidentally kill your homeboy from boot camp?

Cortez: Sure you'll kill him. Accidents happen.

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: You don't see shit right?

Cortez: I don't see shit. This ain't even my tent. Matter of fact, I ain't even here, Swoff.

[exits tent]

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Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: [shouting at news van leaving] Come back soon, now you hear!

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Fergus: [to the reporter] Yes, ma'am. I'm very happy to be here. I love my country. I miss my parents. Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad. They're treating me alright here.

Ramon Escobar: [to the reporter] It was an opportunity for me to defend America, the country which has given freedom to me and to my family. And it is an honor to, to fight for that freedom.

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Sgt. Siek: [to the Marines] Move it. Didn't I tell you not to get lazy? Let's go. Get it on.

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Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: [to the Marines] This is not Rambo time.

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Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: You poor bastard. I bet your recruiter promised you a whole wide world of pussy, huh?

Kruger: Fuckin' eh. Cocksucker knew the price of every whore from Olangapo to Stockholm.

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: And here we are, headed to the desert - no pussy and a thousand miles.

Kruger: Fucked by the green weenie again!

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: Well, what would you be doing if you were a civilian? Staying up late, jacking off, playing Metroid - trying to get to that ninth level?

Troy: You know what happens when you get there?

[laughs]

Troy: Nothing. You just start all over again.

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Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: Good afternoon Marines!

All Marines: Good afternoon, sir!

Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: Jesus Did you just land in a War Zone or a funeral parlor? Good afternoon Marines!

All Marines: GOOD AFTERNOON, SIR!

Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: OOOO! I just felt my dick move!

[All marines are laughing]

Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: For those of you that don't know me, I am Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski, your battalion commander. We are now part of Operation Desert Shield, now just north of us, Saddam Hussein has got one million Iraqi soldiers, now some of those boys have been fighting since you were nine or ten years old, they are tough, they will stop at nothing, they've used nerve gas against the Iranians and the Kurds, here's a picture.

[All marines are looking stunned and angered at the picture of a boy hit with nerve gas]

Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: Now I know what you're thinkin', you're thinkin' "let's kick ass, and take names! And in this shit, the day before yesterday!"

All Marines: OORAH!

Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: But the bureaucrats have a lot of jaw bonin' to do, so for now these Iraqis who have raped and pillaged poor little Kuwait, are not yet in our gunsights, now our current mission is to protect the oil fields of our good friends in the kingdom of Saud until further notice, and gentlemen, I'm talkin alot of oil, a LOT of oil, so you will hydrate, you will train, you will adjust to this desert, and you'll hydrate some more, and you will be ready, you will maintain a constant state of suspicious alertness, and one day soon, Saddam Hussein is gonna regret pullin' this sorry shit!

[points to picture of boy]

All Marines: OORAH!

Fowler: We're gonna kick some Iraqi ass!

Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: Hahaha! What did you say?

Fowler: We're gonna kick some Iraqi ass, sir!

Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: Oh, hell son, you're gonna win the Medal of Honor all by your self, what's the rest of my battalion gonna do?

All Marines: Kick some Iraqi ass!

Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: You know what? I think it's time for me to retire, I can't hear a FUCKIN' THING!

All Marines: KICK SOME IRAQI ASS!

Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski: Aw boys, I just got a hard on!

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Troy: We're the leopards... the lions. Those who will take our place will be jackals... hyenas - and all us leopards, lions, jackals, and sheep will go on thinking ourselves the salt of the earth.

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Fowler: [referring to his weapon] You guys should see what the 40 does to the head of a fucking camel!

Troy: What does the 40 do to the head of a camel, Fowler?

Fowler: It turns the head inside out in about three fucking knots.

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Sgt. Siek: Details, gentlemen, details! Details is gonna be the difference between you killing your target or your target killing you.

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Sgt. Siek: I don't give out too many special treats. But this morning we have a very special treat. Private Swofford here is going to play reveille for us. Okay, Swofford, play reveille.

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: I don't have a bugle, Staff Sergeant.

Sgt. Siek: You don't have a what?

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: I don't have a bugle.

Sgt. Siek: Oh no. No, no. Damn, damn. You better play it with your mouth.

Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: What?

Sgt. Siek: I said play it with your God damn mouth.

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Anthony 'Swoff' Swofford: The M16A2 service rifle is a lightweight air-cooled, gas-operated, magazine-fed shoulder weapon. It fires a 5.56 mm ball projectile at a muzzle velocity of 2,800 feet per second. This is my rifle. Repeat after me.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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