The Assistant (2004– )
Andy Dick: [imitating Donald Trump] I've tried to run a tight ship here. Can't have any leaks. Can't have any screws loose, any leaks. So with that in mind, and with that said, Mark, you're fired.
Andy Dick: [interview] Go ahead, little piggy, and laugh. Wee, wee, wee, wee,wee all the way home.
Andy Dick: [to Anna] In my house, there's only room for one a**hole.
Anna: And that's you.
Andy Dick: And that hole would be me.
Andy Dick: If you can't stomach a little head-cheese on a wooden stick, how are you going to stomach Hollyweird?
Andy Dick: [after eliminating Tanika] Tanika has gumption. She really will go far. She's got good head start here, given that my driveway is over a mile and a half long. So, might wanna take a juice box.
Melissa: [to Andy's girlfriend, after she dumps him] Please, please he loves you, or, I mean, he likes you so much!
Andy Dick: Ebony and Melissa, please step forward. The final two contestants for who can be The Next Andy's Top American Modelly Assistant.
Andy Dick: [deciding between Melissa or Mark] I'm looking at two ass clowns right in front of me: Tweedledee or Tweedle-dipshit.
Andy Dick: [to Anna, while watching a tape of her cleaning the car] I don't like the choices you made for what you were wearing. See, I see underneath there you have a bikini top, its like a bathing suit.
Jenny Shapiro, Temp Agent: You should have gone with the bikini top, or gotten the white T-shirt wet.