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Evan Almighty (2007)
[from trailer]
Evan Baxter: [Looks into rearview, sees God who just appeared out of nowhere] AAGGGHHHHH! AAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!
God: [smiling] Let it out, son. It's the beginning of wisdom.
[from trailer]
Joan Baxter: You want to build a boat?
Evan Baxter: It might be something fun for the family. Go sailing on the lake. I don't know.
[looking at his feet, under his breath]
Evan Baxter: Be great in case it floods or something...
[from trailer]
Joan Baxter: Maybe God meant a flood of 'awareness.'
Evan Baxter: If that's true, I'm going to be so pissed.
[from trailer]
Evan Baxter: [on the ark, addressing a big crowd] People! The flood is imminent!
[everyone looks around, bewildered, and up at the sunny sky. Evan addresses the heavens]
Evan Baxter: Is it too much to ask for a LITTLE PRECIPITATION?
[from trailer]
Evan Baxter: SHEEEEEEEEEEEP!
Rita: [sees a variety of working animals] I can't even get my cat to use the litter box.
Eugene: [to Evan] I love you!... I mean, I think we should hang out socially... I have a new ping pong table.
Rita: Why do you sound like Evan Baxter but look like a Bee Gee?
God: I now issue a new commandment: Thou shalt do the dance.
Rita: Have you been shootin' up Rogaine?
Evan Baxter: Chicken! September 22nd would be a good day for chicken! Joan, could we have chicken September 22nd midday?
Rita: Evan, what happened? Did you fall in a mine shaft?
Evan Baxter: No.
Rita: Did you just come out of a coma?
Evan Baxter: No.
Rita: Were you attacked by a werewolf?
Evan Baxter: No, I wasn't.
Rita: Well, if you were going for that rugged look, I think you over-shot it.
Reporter: What makes you think God chose you?
Evan Baxter: He chose all of us.
God: Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?
Rita: [after seeing an alpaca spit green stuff] If that comes out your front, I don't even want to know what's coming out the back.
God: How do we change the world?
Evan Baxter: One single act of random kindness at a time.
God: [spoken while writing A-R-K on ground with a stick] One Act, of, Random, Kindness.
[Rita voices her disbelieve in Evan's ark]
Rita: Look, I go to church every Sunday.
[Evan doesn't believe her]
Rita: Every "other" Sunday.
[Evan still doesn't believe her]
Rita: I've been to church!
Evan Baxter: I can't shave. Whenever I shave it just grows back!
Marty: That's what happens when you shave. But then you shave again!
Joan Baxter: Is that a lama... with a hammer?
Evan Baxter: Do I know you?
God: Not as much as I'd like.
God: [on a piece of paper] Ask, and you receive.
God: One nation, under Me, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
[looks over at Evan]
God: How long you wanna do this son? I've got all eternity.
Evan Baxter: [faints dead away]
Evan Baxter: These birds had a big meal earlier.
Rita: Want me to get my BB gun?
Rita: The way things are going, if he gets any crazier, we might end up in the White House.
Evan Baxter: Eugene said that Long cut corners on building codes.
Joan Baxter: What're you talking about?
Evan Baxter: The lake! Long Lake! It's named after him. It's the lake!
[sees the dam starting to burst]
Evan Baxter: Everybody get on the ark now!
Congressman Chuck Long: How?
Evan Baxter: The dam. Your reservoir broke, Prestige Crest is no more.
Congressman Chuck Long: No, they said that couldn't happen, they... you did this, you set me up!
Evan Baxter: [reading Genesis 6:14] Make thee an ark of gopherwood. Gopherwood?
Rita: [after Eugene has said too much] Can I tase him?
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Evan Baxter: [Looks into rearview, sees God who just appeared out of nowhere] AAGGGHHHHH! AAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!
God: [smiling] Let it out, son. It's the beginning of wisdom.
[from trailer]
Joan Baxter: You want to build a boat?
Evan Baxter: It might be something fun for the family. Go sailing on the lake. I don't know.
[looking at his feet, under his breath]
Evan Baxter: Be great in case it floods or something...
[from trailer]
Joan Baxter: Maybe God meant a flood of 'awareness.'
Evan Baxter: If that's true, I'm going to be so pissed.
[from trailer]
Evan Baxter: [on the ark, addressing a big crowd] People! The flood is imminent!
[everyone looks around, bewildered, and up at the sunny sky. Evan addresses the heavens]
Evan Baxter: Is it too much to ask for a LITTLE PRECIPITATION?
[from trailer]
Evan Baxter: SHEEEEEEEEEEEP!
Rita: [sees a variety of working animals] I can't even get my cat to use the litter box.
Eugene: [to Evan] I love you!... I mean, I think we should hang out socially... I have a new ping pong table.
Rita: Why do you sound like Evan Baxter but look like a Bee Gee?
God: I now issue a new commandment: Thou shalt do the dance.
Rita: Have you been shootin' up Rogaine?
Evan Baxter: Chicken! September 22nd would be a good day for chicken! Joan, could we have chicken September 22nd midday?
Rita: Evan, what happened? Did you fall in a mine shaft?
Evan Baxter: No.
Rita: Did you just come out of a coma?
Evan Baxter: No.
Rita: Were you attacked by a werewolf?
Evan Baxter: No, I wasn't.
Rita: Well, if you were going for that rugged look, I think you over-shot it.
Reporter: What makes you think God chose you?
Evan Baxter: He chose all of us.
God: Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?
Rita: [after seeing an alpaca spit green stuff] If that comes out your front, I don't even want to know what's coming out the back.
God: How do we change the world?
Evan Baxter: One single act of random kindness at a time.
God: [spoken while writing A-R-K on ground with a stick] One Act, of, Random, Kindness.
[Rita voices her disbelieve in Evan's ark]
Rita: Look, I go to church every Sunday.
[Evan doesn't believe her]
Rita: Every "other" Sunday.
[Evan still doesn't believe her]
Rita: I've been to church!
Evan Baxter: I can't shave. Whenever I shave it just grows back!
Marty: That's what happens when you shave. But then you shave again!
Joan Baxter: Is that a lama... with a hammer?
Evan Baxter: Do I know you?
God: Not as much as I'd like.
God: [on a piece of paper] Ask, and you receive.
God: One nation, under Me, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
[looks over at Evan]
God: How long you wanna do this son? I've got all eternity.
Evan Baxter: [faints dead away]
Evan Baxter: These birds had a big meal earlier.
Rita: Want me to get my BB gun?
Rita: The way things are going, if he gets any crazier, we might end up in the White House.
Evan Baxter: Eugene said that Long cut corners on building codes.
Joan Baxter: What're you talking about?
Evan Baxter: The lake! Long Lake! It's named after him. It's the lake!
[sees the dam starting to burst]
Evan Baxter: Everybody get on the ark now!
Congressman Chuck Long: How?
Evan Baxter: The dam. Your reservoir broke, Prestige Crest is no more.
Congressman Chuck Long: No, they said that couldn't happen, they... you did this, you set me up!
Evan Baxter: [reading Genesis 6:14] Make thee an ark of gopherwood. Gopherwood?
Rita: [after Eugene has said too much] Can I tase him?
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