Boa vs. Python

The credits say it all...3 secs in and you know it's gonna be B-Grade-Orama!

There are a few things that must be in a film for it to be B-Grade and Boa VS Python has em all!!!!

1 ) Unnessesary nudity (cause low paid actors will do anything to get a gig). Not only do we get to see the naked chick bathe but she also rubs herself down with a sponge really really slowly!

2 ) The group of mis-matched characters that would never be seen together ever but somehow manage to end up stuck in impossible situations. In this movie we have a safari hunting team that more closely resembles the Village Ppl!

3 ) Sex Scene. Boy goes down on girl, snake eats boy, snake goes down on girl.......oh yeah!

4 ) Clichés. i like the dumb ass deputy tripping into the bloody corpse head-first in front of the over-dramatic FBI agent.

5 ) super cool special effects*

6 ) bad plot (wild snake free in city, so lets send a bred-in-captivity snake with a camera on its head to catch it)

7 ) worse script ("should i tag this as body #6?" "i think it's the rest of bodies 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5")

8 ) and even worse actors.

i loved it! b-grade value of 4/5

PS...get a load of the DVD cover (there is no chopper in the movie at all so don't get your hopes up with the chopper shooting two missiles at a couple of giant snakes in the middle of the city.....which is not where the movie is set)

*insert sarcasm

I rented this flick while in the mood for some pretty cheesy schlock to continue my search for the worst movie ever made (this is a personal quest because no three people can agree on what is the worst movie ever). This flick combines two CGI giant snakes that previously had their own pieces of celluloid, but it isn't a sequel to either franchise. Some schmucks decided that they wanted to hunt a giant python that turned out to be a renegade human killer (big surprise). It escaped and started hiding out in a water treatment plant (another big surprise). So the government gets a woman who is working with transplants that can transmit animal brain waves and a guy with a giant boa (Houston, we have a title). So they sent this boa after the python (great idea, put two blood thirsty giant snakes in a confined area together). Throw in some special forces, idiot hunters going after the snake and you've got a movie.

This was pretty crappy. Forget it unless you love the giant CGI snake thing.

This movie is everything you would expect it to be: a complete and utter piece of crap. No resemblance except the special effects style with the previous film, BOA, which was a pretty good film. This has to do with a rich stud who arranges big game hunts for rich losers, only his big game – a giant reticulated python – gets lost in the wilds outside Philadelphia and the FBI decides to borrow some scientist's giant boa to capture it. The plot gets even sillier after that. The effects are cheesy – low budget CGI although the camera work and editing is very good. Characters are mindless and moronic – most of them created just for former playmates to show off their toots&assetts at the expense of a relevant or interesting storyline. That said, however, I must confess that crimson-haired co-star Angel Boris was intoxicatingly attractive in all of her scenes. But the storyline is the movie's biggest fault – there's no attempt to even be logical or literate, and even the suggestion that the movie is half comedy doesn't excuse the story's lapses in intelligence.

I'd like to think that someone got fired over this movie. The really amazing thing about Boa vs. Python is that it got made at all. Then, after it got made, it aired on the Sci-Fi Channel. Now, we all know that the Sci-Fi Channel is not exactly known for excellence in programming, but this is an all time low.

The fact that someone pitched Boa vs. Python as a concept, and someone else said, "Yeah! Great!" is just plain frightening. I almost can't blame the writer, the director, the actors, or the terrible CGFX team. They did what they had to do. The worst thing about Boa vs. Python is that it came into existence at all. 2 out of 10 stars. One for the python, one for the boa.

I had pinned high hopes on this movie for two reasons.

1. I'm fascinated with snakes. 2. Jaime Bergman. The movie was worth watching for most of the special effects. Most of the time, the snakes looked real and very menacing. I was totally into that, but they didn't really show them enough and, to be honest, they didn't really fight all that much either. The contrast in color between the two snakes was a nice touch, too. I would love to have a snake like the red one in the move (smaller of course). The movie was missing something, however, even though I can't quite put my finger on it. Even after overlooking the fact that both Boas and Pythons are constrictors and don't bite off their food like a dog would, or leave half a body lying around, I still felt something was missing. Wish I could tell you what it was, but it felt a little empty. You have to admit, seeing a few of the bad guys having the life constricted out of them would have had a longer lasting effect than the quick snaps the snake was taking out of them and then seeing them unhinge their jaw to swallow a human whole would have been great to see as well, but, oh well, what can you do?

One thing that was definitely missing, as my fellow reviewer "Dr. Gore" had stated in an earlier review, was natural beauty Jaime Bergman's lack of sexiness with her character. Not necessarily missing the nudity, although that would have been nice as she has a body better than most in Hollywood, but a little more in that area would have been nice. Angel Boris did do more than enough to compensate for Bergman with the T&A for this film though, so it wasn't a complete loss in that area.

Also, I was unaware they had movies for both the Boa and the Python previously, so I didn't know this was another combination of two movie serpents in separate films. It didn't feel like either one had anything to do with the past at all. Not a bad movie overall, it's worth seeing if you got an hour and a half to spare.

I gave this movie 6 out of 10.