Life As We Know It (2004–2005)
Deborah Tynan: We were so close, and now you won't even look at me.
Sue Miller: I really have to go to the bathroom.
Jackie Bradford: Oh my God, so do I! I'm dying!
Sue Miller: [whispering to Jackie] No you stay here and stall my dad, I have to go find Ben!
Jackie Bradford: [to Mr. Miller] Oh, actually I don't have to go. That was weird!
Ben Conner: [about Sue] I just feel like we're closer than ever!
Jonathan Fields: That's so great, man.
Ben Conner: Thanks.
Dino Whitman: Could you two be any more gay?
Jonathan Fields: Well, we could be two guys without girlfriends who have sex with each other. That would be more gay.
Dino Whitman: Do you think she's hot?
Michael Whitman: I don't care if it's Cheryl Tiegs!
Dino Whitman: Who?
Dino Whitman: Have anything to say, Ben? A cheating mom? petrified penis?
Jackie Bradford: [after seeing Ben, Mr. Miller, and Sue together at the ski trip] I really had to pee.
Jonathan Fields: [in a desperate attempt to cheer up Dino after having discovered his mom's infidelity] This morning I went to the hospital because I thought my penis was going to explode!
Dino Whitman: [after noticing that Ben Conner had blown off chicks] Hey, what if Ben's gay?
Jonathan Fields: [chuckles] Ben gay.
Dino Whitman: [after being kicked out of Jackie's party] I have to talk to Jackie!
Ben Conner: Keep on walking!
Jonathan Fields: I think I broke my eye.
Ben Conner: [frustrated when all the girls are coming on to him when he's already with Miss Young] What am I, in season?
Michael Whitman: Wait, since when you do make a move?
Annie Whitman: How about 10 minutes ago!
Michael Whitman: Oh, yeah. How about the two months of nothing?
Max Whitman: [cuts Jonathon off of going to the restroom after Dino] I got to go!
Dino Whitman: He's a good little monkey!
Jonathan Fields: Hey, what the...
Annie Whitman: It is true?
Michael Whitman: What?
Annie Whitman: Are you having an affair?
Michael Whitman: If I was having an affair, I would be late at work, I won't bring my work home!
Ben Conner: They say boys think about sex every fifteen seconds. I think about it every five seconds. I mean I'm thinking about it right now.
Jonathan Fields: [on his cellphone in the drugstore] Hello?
Dino Whitman: What's up, Jonathan? Hey, you want to come meet me at Jackie's game?
Jonathan Fields: No, uh, I "got stuff going on."
Jonathan Fields: I'm gonna get laid!
Dino Whitman: What?
Jonathan Fields: Sex! I'm gonna get me some sex!
Dino Whitman: Some slacks?
Jonathan Fields: No, sex! *Sex*!
Jonathan Fields: It's like, overnight you've become some kind of a sex expert.
Deborah Tynan: What?
Jonathan Fields: A sexpert!
Jonathan Fields: I just can't shake the image of you rubbing his scraggly-ass beard all over your face.
Deborah Tynan: It was one time!
Jonathan Fields: Oooh, great, one time! Let's have a parade!
Ben Conner: There's a reason I never hook up. I don't know how to talk to girls my age. I mean they think you're weird if you're smart, and I don't know how to act dumb. So I try to think of what they want to talk about and I write it down so I know what to say before I say it but then when I say it, it doesn't sound like that I wanted to say.
Ben Conner: You are not going another step, I swear to God I will take you down.
Jonathan Fields: And I'll help.
[holding his eye]
Jonathan Fields: Seriously, I will.
Ben Conner: Yeah, I may not get any sex but I am constantly willing to continue this discussion.
Dino Whitman: I have to talk to you.
Jackie Bradford: About what?
Dino Whitman: It's about Zoe.
Jackie Bradford: Oh, my God, Dino. Don't tell me that you got her pregnant.
Dino Whitman: Not even close.